communicating verbally

verbal symbols are important in interpersonal communication form many reasons: -first, language cements social relationships -words connect people to one another -interpersonal relationships are constructed in everyday conversation

understanding verbal symbols verbal symbols are important to language system, but they must be accompanied by grammatical rules, telling us how to use them encoding process: putting our thoughts into meaningful language decoding process: developing a thought based on hearing language

attributes -words are symbolic; the word is not the thing but merely a symbol we have agreed to use to stand for it -language evolves; as time passes some words become out of date, and new ones are coined -words are powerful; certain words have the power to affect people dramatically

… -have denotative & connotative meanings denotative; the literal, conventional meaning of a verbal symbol that most people in a culture have agreed connotative; the meaning of a verbal symbol that is derived from our personal and subjective experience with that symbol vary in level of abstraction: the ability to move up and down the ladder of abstraction from specific to general and vice versa

factors affecting verbal symbols -culture and ethnicity -sex and gender -generation -context

the dark side of verbal symbols -static evaluation; the tendency to speak and respond to someone today the same way we did in the past, not recognizing that people and relationships change over time -polarization; the tendency to use ‘either-or’ language and speak of the world in extremes -sexist / racist language; that is demeaning to one sex (using the generic he), particular ethnic group

improving verbal communication practical skills: -using I-messages -understanding the ladder of abstraction -indexing -probing the middle ground

using I-messages … to own your thoughts and feelings ‘you-messages’ direct responsibility onto others, often in a blaming fashion (‘you make me mad’) while, ‘I-messages’ acknowledges our own positions (‘I get angry when you ignore me’)

understanding the ladder of abstraction how applies to your messages … the more abstract you are, the more you allow a listener to interpret what you mean the more concrete you are, the more you direct the listener to your precise meaning

indexing avoid generalizations by acknowledging the time frame in which we judge others and ourselves indexing reminds us that the way people act at one given time may not be the way they are for all time

probing the middle ground in order to avoid polarization when you are tempted to label something with an extreme judgment, try to explore the shades of gray that might be more descriptive of the behavior for instance, if you think someone is against you, try to discover the places where you agree so you can see that the person disagrees on some things, but not on all things

time for workshop communicating conflict

communicating non verbally

nonverbal we all communicate without saying a word and we all ‘speak’ without talking nonverbal communication has been called the ‘unspoken dialogue’ nonverbal communication: all behaviors other than spoken words that communicate messages and create shared meaning between people

principles nonverbal communication: -is often ambiguous -regulates conversation -is more believable than verbal communication -may conflict with verbal communication

- ambiguous our nonverbal messages often mean different things to different people, which can lead to misunderstandings compared to verbal messages, nonverbal messages are usually more ambiguous

regulating conversation people use nonverbal communication to manage the ebb and flow of conversations nonverbal regulators allow speakers to enter, exit, or maintain the conversation ex: if we want a chance to speak, we usually lean forward, toward the speaker; when we don’t want to be interrupted in a conversation, we may avoid eye contact and keep our vocal pattern consistent so that others don’t have an opportunity to begin talking until we are finished

believable although nonverbal communication is often ambiguous, people believe nonverbal messages over verbal messages ‘actions speaks louder than words’: this statement suggests that someone’s nonverbal behavior can influence a conversational pattern more than what is said

verbal & nonverbal ‘mixed message’: the incompatibility that occurs when our nonverbal messages are not congruent with our verbal messages when confronted with a mixed message people have to choose whether to believe the verbal or the nonverbal behaviors

nonverbal codes visual auditory contact place and time

visual auditory codes as their name reflects visual-auditory codes include categories of nonverbal communication that you can see and hear -kinesics (body movement) -physical appearance (body size, body artifacts, attractiveness) -facial communication (eye contact, smiling) -paralanguage (pitch, rate, volume, speed silence)

... gestures  delivery gestures: signal shared understanding between communicators in a conversation  citing gestures: acknowledge another feedback in a conversation  seeking gestures: request agreement or clarification from a sender during a conversation  turn gestures: indicate that another person can speak; or used to request to speak in a conversation

contact codes -touch communications (haptics), the most primitive form of human communication touch has several functions – used for positive affect; playful function; used to control; ritualistic … -space, the distance we put between ourselves and others personal distance, the space most people use during conversations social distance, the spatial zone usually reserved for professional or formal interpersonal encounters

place & time codes -the environment; the setting in which our behavior takes place how we utilize the parts of the environment, how we manage them, and their influence upon us are all part of nonverbal communication -chronemics (study of a person’s use of time); understand how people perceive and structure time in their dialogues and relationships with others technical time (scientific); formal time (societal – clock, calendar); informal time (duration, punctuality, activity)

cultural variations -body movement -facial expressions -personal space -touch

improving nonverbal effectiveness practical skills: -keep in mind the relation between verbal and nonverbal messages -be tentative when interpreting nonverbal behavior -monitor your own nonverbal behavior -check in with others about their impressions of your nonverbal behavior -avoid nonverbal distractions -place nonverbal communication in context

time for workshop communication with non-verbal messages

source Littlejohn, S. W. & Foss, K. A. (2008) Theories of Human Communication (9th edition).

thank you very much for your attention