1. Brain and Learning—Part 2  Arlene R. Taylor PhD www.arlenetaylor.org Brain References

2. Brain Benders  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc TOTEGUCHRAEB HSIW STAR GOING POT FALLING SLEEP PEELS SITTING FLEHS CRYING KIML TIME

4. Give your child lots of little choices every day (starting young) but only two at a time as the brain only has two hemispheres Select choices where either option is okay with you and avoid coercion (e.g., the child chooses to make you happy or selects an option to get your approval ) Approval is that the child made a choice and affirm that Brain Learns through Choices  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

5. The brain feels ‘safer’ when it knows both the rules and the consequences (but remember that the work of children is play) Have a few rules, explain them clearly, and stick to them but stop majoring in minors! Their brain’s aren’t done yet! Ignore the small stuff unless it will make a difference a year from now (your worth as a parent is not dependent on your child making no mistakes and not on ‘what someone else will think’) Choices and Rules  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

6. Affirm Good Behavior  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc Catch yourself and others (including children) doing what you want and affirm your/their brains Joe, I appreciate you picking up your clothes; Jane, thank you for closing the door quietly Ted, your smiles are so pleasant Beth, you did that job very quickly Tony, your brain worked hard finishing your homework. My brain is proud of yours.

7. Choices and Consequences  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc Humans tend to learn best by making an informed choice (either this or that) and then experiencing the consequences (positive as well as negative) It can be painful to allow children to experience negative consequences of their choices … 32-year old and 8 totaled cars in 16 years... Skateboard Park or the Wild-Animal Zoo?

8. Unconditional love affirms desirable behaviors, avoids condoning or enabling undesirable behaviors, and stops over- or under-functioning or nullifying consequences (Catch flies with honey, not vinegar) For parents it involves a life-long process of learning to let go: Stop clinging, playing favorites, living vicariously, or trying to compensate for your child’s poor choices [ ‘If you do the crime, you do the time’— even as you continue to love, an oxymoron] Brain Learns via Unconditional Love  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

9. Role-model making careful choices and owning the consequences Describe consequences based on the child’s developmental age (if this, then that), no coercion but consistent follow through …) Allow children to experience consequences of their choices, otherwise they’ll think they can have it all, fail to learn responsibility for their choices, and try to ‘find a way to avoid negative consequences’ for undesirable behaviors (for every action there is a reaction) Bottom Line  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

10. Brain Learns Through Stories  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc Society has been remiss in failing to tell real stories to young people about the brain chemistry of infatuation (sexual / romantic attraction) versus committed monogamous love— but you can only teach what you know... When individuals say ‘We have chemistry’ they are correct—and that’s pretty much all it is initially: a chemical tsunami; by misunderstanding this, many have made disastrous liaisons and / or untenable marriages or brought children into the world who start out with two strikes against them...

11. Romantic / Sexual Attraction ©Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc Begins in the brain and involves sexual energy, hormones, and neurotransmitters—although which ones are triggered appear to depend on the situation: a sexual or romantic encounter or a committed life partner Individuals who are attracted romantically and whose brains are not yet mature or have little if any valid information about the person or his/her family, may be at increased risk for partnering unwisely

12. Your brain is the most outstanding organ on this planet It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth— until you ‘fall in love’ Then it gets hijacked by phenylethylamine or PEA and you risk becoming a Pea Brain Hijacked Brain  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

13. Brain Neurochemistry  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc A sense of Falling in love or Being in love is fueled by a tsunami of three neurochemicals known as the ‘love chemicals’: 1.Phenylethylamine (PEA brain effect) 2.Norepinephrine 3.Dopamine W ithout this initial neurochemical impetus some might never choose to marry or have children...

14. PEA is a naturally occurring neurotransmitter that resembles an amphetamine (stimulant) It is responsible for the elation and head-over-heels sensations associated with falling in love PEA triggers the release of norepinephrine and dopamine (PEA is also found in some foods such as dark chocolate and avocado) 1. Phenylethylamine or PEA  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

15. It is easy to become addicted to PEA—especially when you don’t understand the neurochemistry— and it can be a challenge to alter the addiction Some move from one relationship to another as soon as PEA begins to fall—seeking that passionate PEA brain stage The couple may not make it past the PEA brain stage (if they are sexually active, PEA may last a little longer) Addicted to PEA …  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

16. Addiction Risks  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc The more sexual partners you have prior to marrying, the more difficulty you may have being monogamous as PEA falls The higher at risk you are for having emotional or sexual affairs or becoming involved with alternative sexual behaviors such as masturbation and pornography If one or both are addicted to PEA and marry, one or both may have extramarital affairs trying desperately to re-experience that romantic hormonal tsunami

17. PEA triggers the release of norepinephrine, you feel the effects in the form of sweaty palms and a pounding heart Both a hormone and a neurotransmitter, norepinephrine works with the autonomic nervous system (it acts largely unconsciously and regulates sexual arousal 2. Norepinephrine (Noradrenaline)  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

18. Dopamine is released when you feel or even anticipate feeling better (50% is in the GI) Release is triggered by phenylethylalanine, adrenalin, and sexual activity Emory University: voles (a rodent) chose their mate based on dopamine release - when a female voles was injected with dopamine in the presence of a male vole, she later selected him from a group of males 3. Dopamine: Feel-better Hormone  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

19. ‘Honeymoon’ Period...  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc Chemically speaking, the honeymoon period of relationships is over about 18 months into a relationship At times it may last more than 18 (up to 48 months) if the relationship includes sexual activity or if they spend large amounts of time apart) After that, you may have some small neurochemical tsunamis but rarely like it ‘used to be’

20. ‘Genuine Committed Love’  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc Is a choice and reciprocal unless it’s not possible to have a functional relationship because the brain is impaired—evil, mentally ill, addicted to PEA or drugs or sexual behaviors … It requires maturity, constant nurturing, and commitment – so if you partner and marry, grow up, get over the tsunami expectations, and work on building the relationship (Hollywood relationships are dreadful models...)

21. Relationships that last longer than 18-48 months are assisted by three other (different) neurochemicals that are very powerful: 4.Oxytocin 5.Serotonin 6. Endorphins Brain Chemicals Help …  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

22. 4. Oxytocin – Bonding Hormone  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc Plays a role in the neuroanatomy of intimacy, pair bonding (sexual activity increases oxytocin) and maternal behaviors Oxytocin crosses the BBB but is destroyed in the GI Tract Evokes a sense of contentment, reduction in anxiety and stress, promotes feelings of calmness and security when in the company of the mate, and allows orgasm to occur

23. 5. Serotonin – Neurotransmitter  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc Serotonin is found primarily in the brain and central nervous system or CNS and in the gastrointestinal tract (90%) It is believed to impact mood and has been found to contribute to feelings of well-being and happiness Increases with mild to moderate physical exercise

24. As the brain develops tolerance to the ‘love chemicals,’ it starts to release endorphins—if the couple are in a committed relationship— that are produced during exercise, love, and sexual activity Endorphins can calm anxiety, reduce stress, relieve pain, and increase attachment and comfort 6. Endorphins – Brain Opiates  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

25. Think Ahead  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc To compensate for the hormonal tsunami that hits you when you’re ‘in romantic love’: Be clear about your standards Identify key characteristics for a partner Be the type of person you want to attract Ask if you want that individual to be the parent of your child(ren)?

26. Get to know the family—do you want them as relatives for your child? The more you have in common, the less energy it will require to keep the relationship going Trying to change someone is like barking up the wrong tree or heading down a dead end street The past is the best predictor of the future Think Ahead, Cont’d  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc

27. Know Better – Do Better  Arlene R. Taylor PhD Realizations Inc It is not that I do not know what to do; it is that I do not do what I know. –Confucius By itself, knowing is insufficient Knowing must be practically applied by choice in doing... What do you know and what do you do?