Developing Skills to Prepare for Marriage Predict Success –Age - similar age, more success –Reasons - right or wrong reasons to get married –Length of relationship/engagement before marriage –Similar attitudes - children, etc. –Similar interests - hobbies, etc. –Commitment to sexual fidelity - only one –Good character –Parents’ success at marriage –Parents’ attitude toward potential partner –Careful selection of marriage partner
The Marriage Commitment Marriage partners must be committed to actions that honor their wedding vows. Marriage partners must work together to master the developmental stages of marriage.
The Major Tasks of the Five Stages of Marriage The first 2 years The 3rd through 10th The 11th through 25th The 26th through 35th The 36th on
First 2 Yrs. Strive to: –Maintain individual identity at the same time as they form a family –Develop cooperation, reduce need for control –Develop a sexual bond –Develop an effective decision-making style –Recognize difficulties in parents’ marriages and anticipate how they may affect your marriage
3rd through 10th Goals: –Recognize and confront weaknesses in each other –Examine and avoid dysfunctional behaviors –Reaffirm commitment to sexual intimacy, including sexual fidelity (one partner) –Examine the influence of children on marriage and to agree upon child raising methods.
11th through 25th Recognize needs to: –Reexamine and maintain individual identity and develop mutual dependence –Recognize that one another will not be perfect – Forgive one another for shortcomings and mistakes –Confront the crises of middle age, including aging, sexuality, and job/financial security –Reevaluate and make a plan for maintaining and developing intimacy
26th through 35th Be determined to: –Reevaluate the tasks from the previous stages and determine if they have been successfully mastered –Recognize the physical changes that accompany aging and affect sexuality and to rekindle romance –Grieve over losses such as death of parents and children leaving home
36th year on… Agree to: –Prepare for retirement –Renew intimacy and develop ways to continue sexual intimacy –Prepare for death and for the death of the marriage partner –Accept death as a stage of life
8 Developmental Tasks of Adolescence These are achievements that need to be mastered to become a responsible, independent adult.
1. Develop Healthful Friendships with Members of Both Sexes Healthful friendships involve mutual respect, flexibility, trust, honesty, and the opportunity to share feelings. You can learn how to communicate effectively, cooperate, and resolve conflict. These skills will help you in the workplace and if you marry. Friends provide support and companionship throughout life.
2. Become Comfortable with your Maleness/Femaleness Develop your own sex role Participate in a variety of social activities Consider what you expect males to be like Consider what you expect females to be like Discuss unrealistic, uncertain, or uncomfortable expectations about sex roles with a responsible adult, such as a parent or guardian
3. Become Comfortable with your Body During adolescence, you must become comfortable with the ways in which your body changes. You must develop a positive body image (your perception of your own appearance) Being proud that your body is male or female is an important part of developing healthy sexuality
4. Become Emotionally Independent from Adults Your parents or guardians have provided for you throughout adolescence. They have shielded you and helped to sort out things. As an adult, you can still stay close with them However, the balance of responsibility now starts to shift to you You can still ask for feedback but must become responsible for yourself and independent
5. Learn Skills Needed to Later Marry or Become a Parent Continue to learn about intimacy and self- disclosure Intimacy - a deep and meaningful sharing Self-disclosure - the act of making thoughts and feelings known to another person These will allow you to get closer to another person Also, practice relating to infants and children. You can learn skills that will help you if you become a parent.
6. Prepare for a Career During adolescence, you gain skills and knowledge about yourself to help you prepare for a career Consider what you want to do and what income you will need to be secure Maybe you need to continue your education in college or vocational school Make careful selections when planning your high school courses Talk to adults in careers that interest you, and look into gaining experience in those fields
7. Have a Clear Set of Values to Guide your Behavior As you mature, values must be in your heart, as well as your brain Identify what you want to stand for You must believe in these values and want them to guide your behavior You must practice these values because you believe in them Examine whether your behavior is consistent with the values you say are important to you
8. Understand and Achieve Socially Responsible Behavior To be a responsible adult, you must have a social conscience Social conscience - a desire to contribute, positively, to society and to live a responsible life Look for ways to help out with others
Why Teen Marriage is Risky Teen marriages are risky because they don’t have time enough to work on the 8 developmental tasks of adolescence.
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