1. Chapter 7: Love, Relationships, and Communication
Bio 27 October 15
Chapter 7: Love, Relationships, and Communication

2. what is love?

3. Passionate vs. Companionate Love
Passionate Love: a state of extreme absorption with and desire for one another
Accompanied by increased heart rate, perspiration, blushing, and great excitement
Typically short-lived (months)
Companionate Love: characterized by friendly affection and deep attachment
Communication and understanding of one another can enhance sex life
will skip over theories of love

4. falling in love

5. The (brain) chemistry of love
Neurotransmitters
Norepinephrine
Dopamine
Phenylethylamine (PEA)
Oxytocin
Loss of romantic love may be associated with tolerance of neurotransmitters
Endorphins: morphine-like brain chemicals that promote a sense of security & peace; increased in long-term relationships
compare to drug addiction

6. Similarity: homophily
Falling in Love
Proximity
Mere exposure effect
Greater proximity often reflects shared interests (like taking a class together)
Similarity: homophily
People who fall in love tend to have similar beliefs, values, attitudes, interests, and intellectual abilities
Also tend to pair with people whose physical attractiveness is similar to our own
People are also more likely to end up relationships with someone of a similar age, educational status, religion, race, and ethnicity
Too much proximity has opposite effect: kibbutz in Israel

7. Role of Similarity in Relationships
Caption: Percentage of couples in various types of relationships that are homophilous for age, educational status, and religion

8. Falling in Love: Reciprocity
When someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back
Increases in self-esteem
Increases likelihood of relationship enduring

9. Falling in Love: Physical Attractiveness
Belief that “what’s beautiful is good”
Offer status by association
Most important in early stages
May be an indicator of physical health
Males tend to place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness
attractive people more sought out as friends, lovers, and are perceived as more likeable, interesting, sensitive, happy, competent and socially skilled
wealth and social rank may be more important for women than reproductive ability

10. issues in loving relationships

11. The relationship between love and sex
Relationship between the two is not always clear
“Hook-ups” and “friends with benefits” vs. dating
Can also have a dating-like relationship without sex
Questions to consider:
Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?
Do men and women have different views of sex and love?
Men more likely to define being in love in sexual terms
Easier for men to have sex without love; cultural vs. hormonal factors?

12. Sexual Orientation & Attitudes About Love and Sex
Stereotype: same-sex relationships as primarily sexual
Sex differences among lesbians and gay men are consistent with general sex difference in attitudes toward love and sex
Gay men are more likely than lesbians to separate love from sex
Lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established

13. Jealousy in Relationships
Jealousy-prone person
Low self-esteem
High value on wealth, popularity, and physical attractiveness
Negative consequences
Precipitates partner violence
Stifles relationship development
Raises anxiety, depression, and anger
Sex differences
Women more likely to acknowledge feelings of jealousy
Men tend to focus more on sexual involvement with another
Many people think it is desirable to provoke jealousy
Women more inclined to do so than men

14. maintaining relationship satisfaction

15. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction
Factors associated with high marital satisfaction:
Parents of both spouses had happy, successful marriages
Spouses have similar attitudes, interests, and personalities
Both spouses satisfied with sex life
Couple has an adequate and steady income
The woman was not pregnant when the couple married

16. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction
Characteristics of high quality relationships:
Supportive communication
Companionship
Sexual expression and variety
Seeing partner as best friend
Maintaining frequent positive interaction
positive interaction more important than negative interaction

17. Not important to everyone Communication is critical Be spontaneous
Sexual Variety
Not important to everyone
Communication is critical
Be spontaneous
Plan for intimate time
Don’t worry about frequency “standards”
be spontaneous/plan seem contradictory

18. Discovering Your Partner’s Needs
Ask questions
Yes/No questions
Open-ended questions
Either/Or questions
Self-disclosure
Discuss sexual preferences
Give permission
Learn to make requests
Yes/No: do you like >______?
Open ended : what gives you the most pleasure sexually
Giving permission: providing reassurance and encouragement
Making requests: being responsible for own satisfaction

19. Taking Responsibility For Your Own Pleasure:
Make requests specific
Use “I” language
Expressing and receiving complaints
Choose right time and place
Temper complaints with praise
Avoid “why” questions
Limit to one complaint per discussion
Express your feelings
Focus on future changes
“why don’t we have sex more frequently” passive-aggressive

20. Saying No Three step approach Show appreciation for invitation
Say no in a clear, unequivocal fashion
Offer alternatives
Not in the mood at a given time, or early on in a relationship

21. Communication Patterns in Relationships
Gottman’s constructive communication tactics
Leveling and editing
Validating
Volatile dialogue
Gottman’s destructive communication tactics
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Belligerence
leveling & editing: stating facts clearly and using I language; editing not saying things that will be hurtful
validating: acknowledging partner’s perspective
volatile dialogue: fighting is good!
stonewalling: silent treatment… not responding, etc.
belligerence: purposely provoking

22. Final Reflection
Based on what you have learned today, what do you feel is the most important thing you can do differently to improve your current romantic relationship if you have one or a future romantic relationship?