1. Chapter 7 Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships

2. What Is Love? Difficult to define
special attitude with behavioral and emotional components
different things to different people
difficult to measure

3. What Is Love? (cont.) Rubin's "love scale" 3 components attachment
caring
intimacy

4. Types of Love Passionate love (infatuation)
intense psychological feelings
generalized physiological arousal, strong sexual desire
avoid conflict, feelings of completeness
short-lived

5. Types of Love (cont.) Companionate love less intense
friendly affection & deep attachment
familiarity & tolerance for short-comings
more enduring than passionate love

6. Types of Love (cont.) Sternberg's triangular theory 3 components
passion
intimacy
commitment

7. Types of Love (cont.)
Fig. 7.1 Sternberg’s love triangle: (passion, intimacy and commitment) and the various kinds of love as reflected in different combinations of the three components. Note: Nonlove is the absence of all three components.

8. Types of Love (cont.) Sternberg's triangular theory
passion builds then fades
intimacy & commitment continue to build
variations in components yield different kinds of love
intimacy alone = friendship
passion alone = infatuation
commitment alone = empty love

9. Types of Love (cont.)
Fig. 7.2 Sternberg theorizes that the passion component of love peaks early in a relationship and then declines, whereas the other two components, intimacy and commitment, continue to build gradually over time.

10. Types of Love (cont.) Lee's styles of loving romantic (eros)
game-playing (ludus)
possessive (mania)
compassionate (storge)
altruistic (agape)
pragmatic (pragma)

11. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom
The chemistry of love
neurotransmitters
norepinephrine
dopamine
phenylethylamine (PEA)
oxytocin
endorphins
loss and neurotransmitter withdrawal

12. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Proximity
mere exposure effect
familiarity breeds predictability  greater comfort
greater proximity often reflects shared interests

13. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Similarity
level of physical attractiveness
age, educational status and religion
race and ethnicity
Why?
share similar interests & activities
communicate better
confirm own views & experiences
supportive of values & beliefs

14. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Fig. 7.5 Noncohabitational Sexual Partnerships by Race and Sex

15. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Reciprocity
when someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back
increases self-esteem
increases likelihood of relationship enduring

16. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Physical attractiveness
"what's beautiful is good" belief
status by association
most important in early stages
may be an indice of physical health
heterosexual males place greater value

17. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Sociobiology- behavior explained by evolutionary needs (Buss)
men attracted to young attractive females to maximize reproductive success
women attracted to older, established men to maximize their reproductive success

18. Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Fig. 7.3 How willing would you be to marry someone who….

19. The Development of Intimacy
Self-love
genuine interest, concern, respect for self
prerequisite for a satisfying relationship with others

20. Love and Styles of Attachment
Attachment; intense emotional tie
Attachment style (Ainsworth)
secure attachment
insecure attachment
anxious-ambivalent attachment
Attachment styles in adulthood

21. The Development of Intimacy (cont.)
The phases of a relationship
inclusion: an invitation to relate
response: agreeing to relate
care: concern for other's welfare
trust: support and care for each other
affection: warmth & attachment; desire
playfulness: delight in each other
genitality: decision to engage in sex

22. Issues in Loving Relationships
Relationship between love & sex
several possibilities
questions to ask
does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?
do men & women have different views of sex & love?

23. Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)
Does sexual orientation affect views of sex & love?
homosexual men more likely to separate love from sex; lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established
falling in love with a same sex person often helps in gay or lesbian identity

24. Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)
Sex & relationships on your terms
sexual expression is an individual decision
steps to take
knowing and asking for what you want
friendships without sex
saying "not yet" to sex
ending a relationship
managing rejection

25. Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)
Jealousy in relationships
Jealousy-prone person
low self-esteem
high value on wealth and popularity
Negative consequences
precipitates partner violence
stifles relationship development
raises anxiety, depression, anger
Sex differences

26. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)
Ingredients in lasting love relationship
self-acceptance
appreciation of each other's qualities
commitment
good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests
ability to face & deal with conflict

27. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)
Characteristics of high quality relationships
Supportive communication
Companionship
Sexual expression and variety
Seeing partner as best friend
Maintaining frequent positive interaction

28. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)
Individual and relationship growth
growth and change maintain relationship
overcome obstacles
view problems as challenges
negotiate and renegotiate wants
accept each other as unique

29. Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)
Sexual Variety
communication is critical
be spontaneous
plan for intimate time
don't worry about frequency "standards"