Paragraph Revision Let’s get this figured out!

What I saw that I liked  Topic and concluding sentences are included, and MOST included wording from the prompt.  Most people are using transitions.  Most people are including page numbers of some sort.  Most are attempting explanation sentences.

What needs to be improved-- The easy stuff: 1. Topic sentence: 1. Make sure it is a complete sentence. 2. Make sure it uses the words from the prompt including the title of the novel or story. 2. Transitions: 1. Should appear before EACH example (detail) sentence. 3. Page numbers: 1. Should be at the end of the detail sentence. 2. Should be written in parenthesis withOUT a pg or the word page (23). 3. OR, they can be written into the sentence, “This is shown on page 23 when…” 4. Personal pronouns – DON’T USE THEM! (I or YOU) 5. Capital letters – USE THEM!! (All names and titles)

Improvements needed: Detail/Example sentences Example / Detail Sentence: This needs to be specific: What did the character DO or SAY that shows this?  YES: One example of Darry being a good friend is when he carried Ponyboy in from the car (103).  NO: One reason Darry is a good friend is that he is caring (103).

Improvements needed: Explanation sentences Explanation sentences: Must show HOW the example proves the topic sentence.  YES: This shows he is a good friend because he is willing to work hard to make other people’s problems disappear.  NO: This shows he is a good friend because Ponyboy was very tired, so Darry carried him in so that he wouldn’t have to walk.  NO: This shows he is a good friend because he is strong enough to carry somebody.

Comparison Time 1. You are going to be given a paper copy of an example paragraph with some directions on it. 2. When you receive your paper, JUST READ THE DIRECTIONS FIRST, but do not follow them until you are given the signal to do so by your teacher.

Now what? 1. NOW, it is time to read the comments given to you regarding this paragraph. 2. Then, read the rubric I handed back. 3. Note where you did well and what you need to improve. Keep in mind: “Got it!” is the goal for EACH of the items on the rubric. If/when this was not circled, there is something that needs to be fixed. 4. Go back to your paragraph. Highlight your paragraph and hold down until the “Copy” option pops up. 5. “Paste” your paragraph IMMEDIATELY BELOW THE COMMENTS THAT I WROTE.

REVISE 1. Revise your paragraph. That means that your goal is to “fix” your paragraph so that I would be able to give ALL 15 items a “Got it.”  Keep the example paragraph close by! 2. HIGHLIGHT your changes, or TYPE them in a different color so that I can easily see what you have done. 3. If you finish with time to spare, this is the order of priorities to work on:  Missing work from this unit (check the Portal and check Notability for this week’s assignments)  Anchor Project: Due Monday, 11/11  Bucket List (should already be done)  Independent reading book