Nonverbal Communication Timothy C. Thomason Northern Arizona University

Every Communication Has Two Parts Our verbal message is the content of what we say. Our nonverbal message is everything else.

Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Verbal communication uses words. Nonverbal communication uses facial expression, gestures, posture, eye contact, etc. We cannot not communicate. It is not easy to fake nonverbal behavior.

Nonverbal Communication is Usually Unconscious “The unconscious of one person can act upon that of another without passing through the conscious mind.” - Freud

We Are Always Communicating Nonverbally “No mortal can keep a secret. If the lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore. And thus the task of making conscious the most hidden recesses of the mind is one which is quite possible to accomplish.” - Freud

Nonverbal Behaviors are Tells They tell our state of mind. Poker emphasizes bluffing and deception. We can try to control our non-verbals, but they may betray us. Play the coin game to practice reading tells.

Types of Nonverbal Communication Facial expression – Especially important in the communication of feelings. Body posture – Erect vs. slumped; tense vs. relaxed; leaning. Gestures and physical movements (kinesics)

Types of Nonverbals, cont. Body adornment – Clothes, hairstyle, jewelry, tattoos, etc. Touching Respiration Voice – Pitch, volume, speed, inflection, etc.

Proxemics (Personal Distance) The greater the distance, the less intimate. – Personal: 1 ½ to 4 feet – Social: 4 feet to 12 feet – Public: 20 feet or more Counseling is typically social (about 4 feet).

Nonverbals Modify Verbals People often notice our nonverbals more than our verbals. Nonverbals may be congruent or incongruent with our verbal message. It is easy to lie verbally but not so easy to lie nonverbally.

Nonverbals Modify Verbals Confirming what is said verbally. Denying or confusing what is said verbally. Strengthening or emphasizing what is said verbally. Adding intensity to a verbal message. Controlling or regulating what is said verbally.

Nonverbals in Counselors Counselors should notice both the client’s verbal message and his or her nonverbals. Are they congruent? If not, probe deeper.

Some Therapy Models Pay More Attention to Nonverbals Than Others Gestalt Therapy Client-Centered Therapy Psychodynamic therapies Not so much in: Behavior therapy Cognitive therapy Solution-oriented therapy

Listen for Clients’ Nonverbal Messages and Modifiers Read clients’ nonverbals but do not over- interpret them. Interpret nonverbals cautiously. Practice reading nonverbal behavior by watching movies, television programs, and counseling session videos with the sound off.

Nonverbals May Have Multiple Meanings The context is important. Avoid becoming overly fixated on the details of a client’s nonverbal behavior.

Caution There is no simple formula for interpreting the meaning of nonverbal communications. Gestures and facial expressions have many meanings which vary by context. People vary within and between cultures regarding the meaning of nonverbals.

Myths About Nonverbal Behavior There is no such thing as nonverbal communication. Nonverbal behavior accounts for most communication in humans. You can read a person like a book. Nonverbal behaviors are the same across cultures. Nonverbal behaviors mean the same thing in different situations.

The Nonverbal Dictionary The Center for Nonverbal Studies

How Much of Communication is Verbal vs. Nonverbal? This is very hard to quantify. In the 2013 book What Every Body is Saying the author says 60% to 65% of interpersonal communication is nonverbal. Often 100% of communication during lovemaking is non- verbal.

Nonverbal Flirting Have an attractive appearance (clothes, hair). Have an open body posture. Face the person you are interested in. Lean toward the person. Smile and speak in a friendly tone of voice. Sustained eye contact indicates interest. Raised eyebrows indicate interest.

What Do the Following Mean? Playing with a pen while talking to someone. Picking at your clothes while talking. Touching a bracelet or necklace. Touching your own body. Clutching your hands together. Crossing your arms. Yawning.

Nonverbals Communicate Mood Sensing the emotional state of the other person is an important part of social interaction. People vary in how well they can read another person’s emotional state. Some people who have autism and schizophrenia find it difficult to detect other people’s feelings and so have difficulty relating to others.

Mood, cont. We sense the emotions of others by combining disparate clues: facial expressions, gestures, body posture, tone of voice, etc. Expressions can be classified as “facial action units” which consist of combinations of physical changes in the face. Software exists to interpret the emotional cues in facial expressions and tones of speech.

The Eyes Test Online test to measure your ability to read the thought or feeling a person is communicating in their eyes. Google “reading the mind in the eyes” to find it or go to Test.aspx Test.aspx Caution: this test is not psychometrically well- studied, so the results may be meaningless.

Eyes Pupil dilation may indicate interest or emotional arousal or sexual arousal. Pupil dilation may also be a side effect of using certain drugs. Pupil dilation may also mean the room is dark.

Examples of Nonverbal Prompts Lean forward attentively and wait. Head nods. Gestures. Eye movements. Avoid distracting behaviors.

Vocal and Verbal Prompts Um Uh-huh Sure Yes I see Ah Okay Oh

Matching Nonverbals We tend to like people who are like us. We are not usually offended by the nonverbal behaviors of people who have our same nonverbals. Some research suggests that people who like each other unconsciously sync their nonverbal behaviors. Babies sync their head movements with mom.

Matching, cont. Research on Fritz Perls, Milton Erickson, and Virginia Satir found that they all match or mirror their client’s nonverbal behaviors. Matching the client’s nonverbals may increase rapport. It may be possible to match and lead clients to a different type of nonverbal behavior.

Matching, cont. Matching can be done with any and all nonverbal behaviors. Matching may be more effective in building rapport than SOLER in cross-cultural counseling. Caution: matching should be subtle enough that the client does not realize you are doing it. If they notice, admit it and explain it.