The Social Outcast: Social Exclusion, Rejection and Bullying. The Educator’s Role HILLSIDE PRESS

What would you probably do if the following scenario was taking place in your classroom?

“A student is being repeatedly teased and called unpleasant names by another, more powerful student, who has successfully persuaded other students to avoid the targeted person as much as possible. As a result, the victim of this behaviour is feeling angry, miserable and isolated.”

Please circle the answer closest to what you think. There are no right or wrong answers.

“Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” - Aristotle

Are social relationships something we actually need or merely find desirable?

Social Relationships are a Need Social connection is a need as basic as air, water and food. Social isolation causes pain that is very similar to physical pain. The need to belong is a universal one.

Social Relationships Effect Four Important Needs Need to belong Self-esteem Perceived control over environment Meaningful existence

Why Are Peer Relationships Necessary? Social practice and learning of social skills. Social support Interaction with equals Time spent with same age peers

Who Is Most at Risk of Being a Social Outcast? Deficiency in one or more areas Low self-esteem High sensitivity to rejection Insensitivity to rejection Family problems / Parental rejection

Who Is Most at Risk of Being a Social Outcast? Person-group dissimilarity - aggression - shyness - low achievers - inattention and/or hyperactivity

The Consequences of Rejection and Bullying threat to four needs  pain and hurt  cognitive and/or behavioral reaction

The Consequences of Rejection and Bullying If the rejection is continual the child will feel:  alienated  depressed  helpless  worthless  anxious

The Consequences of Rejection and Bullying Rejected children often react with self- defeating behaviour:  Aggression and/or hostility  Dropping out of school (25% vs. 8%)  Criminality  Social withdrawal

Long Term Consequences Loneliness Social isolation Cardiovascular disease Immune system problems Increase in blood pressure Mortality Psychiatric problems

Who Is Immune to the Effects of Rejection? Children with at least one friend. Children with a low sensitivity to rejection. When they are not the only child being bullied.

Why Don’t These Children Have Social Skills? Unlearnt at home or an inability to “automatically” learn these skills. The vicious cycle of being rejected as lack of social interaction leads to an inability to learn social skills. Poor attachment as a baby or parental rejection.

Why Don’t These Children Have Social Skills? Avoidance of social connection in order to protect themselves. Pre-existing behavioral or emotional problem (learning difficulty and/or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).

What the Educator Can Do to Help SCORE YOUR RESPONSES A. The victim must stand up for him/herself B. Punish the bully C. Ignore the problem D. Problem solving approach E. Not a serious problem

The Social Outcast will react in one of three ways: 1) Aggressive coping 2) Ruminating 3) Denial coping All three are associated with long term maladaptive functioning.

 Expect acceptance not rejection (social detective work)  Encourage the development of friendships  Encourage extracurricular activities  Encourage parents to organize opportunities for the child to socialize  Boost self-confidence

TEACHING SOCIAL SKILLS Social skills initiate and maintain positive social relationships with others. Social skills deficits will lead to learning and teaching problems, problems in classroom orchestration and climate.

TEACH POSITIVE INTERACTION SKILLS Acceptance or Rejection depend on six unconscious questions: 1. Is this person fun? 2. Is this person trustworthy? 3. Do we influence each other in ways I like? 4. Does this person help me achieve my goals? 5. Does this person make me feel good about myself? 6. Is this person similar to me?

FUN ACCEPTANCE Humour Skillful Cooperative REJECTION Mean or aggressive Bossy Withdrawn Low cognitive skills

TRUST ACCEPTANCE Reliable Honest Loyal REJECTION Betrayal Aggression Dishonest

INFLUENCE IN WAYS I LIKE ACCEPTANCE Cooperative Responsive REJECTION Mean or aggressive Bossy Rigid or resistant

GOALS ACCEPTANCE Helpful Cooperative REJECTION Disruptive Impulsive

FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF ACCEPTANCE Supportive Kind Responsive Likes me REJECTION Insulting Non-responsive Dislikes me

SIMILAR ACCEPTANCE Grade Race Age Values and interests Respects peer conventions REJECTION Superior manner Different values and interests Handicapped

Social Tasks Coping with success Dealing with conflict Defending self Coping with failure Staying involved Making a friend

Social Tasks Sharing / cooperating Sticking up for a friend Coping with rejection Responding to requests Making requests

Social Tasks Helping others Maintaining a conversation Coping with teasing Being supportive of others

“There is something in staying close to men and women, and looking on them, and in contact and odor of them, that pleases the soul well…” - Walt Whitman That part of what makes life worth living is being close to others.

THANK YOU