Assertiveness Skills Assertiveness is a form of communication in which needs and wishes are stated clearly with respect for oneself and the other person in the interaction It is different from passive communication (in which needs and wishes go unstated) and aggressive communication (in which needs and wishes are stated in a hostile or demanding manner) A person who is assertive can be described as someone: Who stands up for his own and other people’s rights in a reasonable way Who allows other people to express their opinions without dominating Who has the courage to express one’s own feeling, even about difficult issues, in a way which is respectful and honest

Assertiveness continued… Assertiveness is also shown through nonverbal communication – facial expression, eye contact, posture (leaning forward), this shows you understand other people though with different views Non assertive people may be passive or aggressive communicators Passive Behaviour: This is the behaviour of people seeking above all, to avoid conflict. Whatever feeling one might have, they may allow others to make choices and take advantage of them Aggressive Behaviour: These view their feelings right and without regarding the right for others; they defend their own rights aggressively. They also tend to blame others for problems instead of offering solutions

Why is Assertiveness important It is important to behave assertively in order to: Meet and express your own needs (deadlines, studies) Respect and communicate with others effectively Engage in fulfilling relationships at school If you communicate passively, its likely that your needs and wants will go unfulfilled, as a result, you will miss deadlines, fail exams etc. Assertiveness also involves: Saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when you really mean it. Being confident, deciding on, understanding how to negotiate Being able to give and receive positive and negative feedback Usage of good language rather than destructive eg. “I don’t agree with you” and not, “you are wrong”

How to achieve Assertiveness Check that you are using assertive communication appropriately (check your language, check your tone) Check the context – in what environment are you in, some people might misinterpret you (is it because of race, gender, marital status, age, disability etc) Be an active listener – allow others space to talk, discuss – opening up to hear their feelings is important Be humble and modest – take this role to heart, don’t boast, just stand firm, be clear and reliable Reflect on your purpose – don’t just use assertiveness for others to have respect on you and what you want. What is your purpose? (to advise, establishing rapport)

How to achieve it concluded… Learn to apologise if you haven’t used the skill effectively. In that way, you are reopening the door to better communication Seek the middle way. Sometimes when you are to choose between different viewpoints, acknowledge both sides and take the middle way to draw the concerns together