1. Assertiveness in management
Sue Duraikan
Assertiveness in management

2. Objectives Be able to think assertively about yourself and others
Recognise values, rights and responsibilities of an assertive manager
Discover how to use assertive words, tone and body language
Learn how to handle typical management challenges using assertive techniques
Recognise aggressive, passive-aggressive and passive behaviour in others and encourage them to act assertively

3. Assertiveness is…..
…acting in a way that shows your self-respect and your respect for others …being able to stand up for your values, rights, wants, needs and opinions without denying those of others.

4. Self-respect v respect for other
I’m OK
I’m not OK
You’re OK
Assertive
Get on with
Passive
Get away from
Give in to
You’re not OK
Aggressive Passive-aggressive
Get rid of Get even
Depressive
Get nowhere

5. Aspects of assertiveness
Expressing unpopular or different opinions
Asking someone to change their behaviour
Making a complaint
Refusing unreasonable requests
Admitting you’ve got it wrong
Giving and taking compliments
Starting and maintaining a conversation

6. Steps to assertiveness
Think right!
Act right!

7. Values It’s best to be honest and open with people.
The customer is king.
Got to keep learning since the world keeps changing.
You stay till the job is done.

8. Values If we think positively, we’ll find a solution.
We’ll get more done by sharing the workload.
Things can always be improved.
We have to be fair.

9. The psychological contract….
…..The perceptions of two parties (employee and employer, manager and staff) of what they expect of each other.

10. Rights and responsibilities
To receive clear communication
To refuse certain requests
Responsibility:
To act on it appropriately
To give a clear reason for doing so

11. Think right! Manage your self-talk Define your rights as a manager
Define your responsibilities
Consider what rights your staff, peers and bosses have

12. Management: getting things done through people
Achieve the task
Motivate the individual
Develop the team
John Adair, Action-Centred Leadership

13. Albert Mehrabian, Silent Messages
Making an impact
Verbal 7%
Vocal 36%
Visual 57%

14. Assertive communicationH
Assertive communication
Find out
Open
Listen
Concise
Empathise
Clear
Emphasise 2 way.
Pick 3 scenarios. Divide between 3 groups. Come up with some assertive words in response to challenge.
Positive ‘You can’t go in there.’ v ‘Only staff are allowed in the office.’
‘That’ll never work.’ v ‘That’s an interesting idea. Tell me more.’
‘I don’t have enough time to do that now.’ v ‘I’ll make that my priority first thing tomorrow.’
Show you
understand
Positive

15. 7 types of assertion Basic assertion ‘As I see it…’
Empathy ‘I can see why you’re annoyed.’
Probing ‘Why is that important to you?’
Roll with the punch ‘You’re right, that was careless of me.’
Discrepancy ‘We agreed that.. However..’
Negative feelings ‘I feel frustrated that…
Consequence ‘Unless you.. I will..’

16. Visual impact Eye contact Hands Feet/movement
Facial expression/animation
Clothes

17. Vocal impact
Volume
Articulation
Pace
Pitch
Range
Inflection

18. Management challenges
One of your staff has ed you asking if they can have 3 days’ holiday next week. You already have one member of staff on long term sick leave, one going on a training course and your team has a backlog of work to clear.

19. Your rights
Their rights
Self talk
Visualise success
Behaviour
Outcome achieved
Outcome avoided

20. Making a request DO Be direct and concise Give reason for request
Respect their right to refuse
DON’T
Over- apologise
Flatter and promise rewards
Take refusal personally
Try to wear them down!

21. Making a request (DESO)
Describe the situation
‘The deadline for presenting the data is tomorrow.’
Express how you are feeling
‘I’m concerned that I haven’t seen your results yet.’
Specify what you would like to happen
‘Can you send me your results by 3 o’clock?’
Outcome
‘Then we can be sure of getting the data collated in time.’

22. Refusing a request DO DON’T Be polite ‘Thank you for...’
Ask for more info or time
Keep it short but friendly
Repeat refusal
Speak slowly, steadily, warmly
DON’T
Over-apologise
Over-explain
Ask permission to say no
Hurt feelings

23. Handling aggression: verbal
Communicate clearly
Ask questions and listen
Answer questions
Apologise if in error
Show you’re keen to find a solution
Don’t take it personally
Point out consequences if appropriate

24. Handling aggression: visual and vocal
Breathe deeply - even,
warm tone
Open position
Keep hands calm
Watch personal space
Don’t appear hurried
Both sit down

25. Handling passive-aggression
Self-talk
Don’t blame yourself
Don’t take the bait
Focus on what I need
Try to see it from their viewpoint
Verbal
Ask questions
Listen
Be honest
Communicate clearly without blaming

26. Handling passive-aggression
Visual
Steady eye contact
Friendly, open facial expression
Open posture, calm gestures
Vocal
Even, warm tone
Speak slowly and clearly
Use silence to encourage openness and honesty

27. Handling passive behaviour
Verbal
Empathy
Ask questions and listen
Supportive, encouraging message
Firm, clear message, repeated if necessary,
Vocal and visual
Gentle tone
Relaxed posture
Supportive facial expression

28. Cultural aspects of assertiveness
Visual
Greeting
Personal space
Eye contact
Facial expression
Vocal
Volume
Rapidity
Range
Verbal
Directness
Agreement
Self-promotion

29. TED talks
Fake it till you make it Fake it till you become it