Chapter 6 Understanding Ourselves and Others Communication Embracing Difference Fourth Edition Dunn and Goodnight Chapter 6 Understanding Ourselves and Others This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The following are prohibited by law: any public performance or display, including transmission of any image over a network; preparation of any derivative work, including the extraction, in whole or in part, of any images; any rental, lease, or lending of the program. PowerPoint edited by Kristin Harkin Jurczak, Purdue University Calumet Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Understanding Ourselves and Others... Content and Relational Messages Content Message The obvious message sent (verbal) Relational Message The message that is sent by tone of voice, body language, or use of space (nonverbal) Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Intimacy... Physical Two people share a private bond Sense of closeness and trust Not limited to sexual activity Physical closeness exists between mother and child, athletes, or close friends Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Intimacy... Emotional Created through self-disclosure Share feelings for one another and they are reciprocated Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Intimacy... Intellectual It is the intimacy that is shared when abstract concepts, or other intellectually challenging ideas, are discussed. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Intimacy... Spiritual People who share their strong faith in God or a higher power These partners may attend religious services or groups to foster this spiritual journey. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Types of Social Power The “potential for changing attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of others” Coercive Power Reward Power Legitimate Power Referent Power Expert Power Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Power Powerlessness Empowerment We feel we have no say in the relationship or the other is making all the decisions. Empowerment The ability to make choices. A relationship based on mutual respect and equality. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Stages of Relationship Development Insert Figure 6.1 Page 9 Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Stages of Relationship Development... Coming Together Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Stages of Relationship Development... Coming Apart Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Self-Disclosure Within Relationships... Johari Window Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Benefits of Self-Disclosure Increased understanding of ourselves Ability to express our feelings Increased likelihood that others will be more open with us The end result … Our understanding of our interpersonal relationships grows Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Cautions of Self-Disclosure Trust is a pre-requisite for self-disclosure We want the other party to: Be an uncritical listener Show support and understanding Be willing to share his or her own feelings with us Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Interpersonal Needs Theory Inclusion Undersocal – Oversocial – Ideal individuals Control Abdicrats – Autocrats – Democrats Affection Underpersonal – Overpersonal – Personal Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Cost-Benefit Theory Premise: Do the rewards outweigh the costs of the relationship? Rewards can include: emotional, psychological, financial, physical Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Conflict Within Relationships... Interpersonal Conflict According to Frost and Wilmot (1978), it is an “expressed struggle between at least two or more people who perceive incompatible goals....” Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Conflict Within Relationships... Factors That Contribute Denial Our refusal to acknowledge that a problem exists Creates frustration for the person seeking to resolve the problem Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Conflict Within Relationships... Factors That Contribute Suppression We acknowledge that a problem exists, but we minimize its importance We fear confronting the problem will be too difficult or painful for us Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Conflict Within Relationships... Factors That Contribute Aggression Using intimidation techniques to force the other party into a resolution that is clearly more advantageous to us. Passive aggression is a more subtle and covert form of aggression. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Conflict Within Relationships... Factors That Contribute Status Using one’s status in a relationship to achieve your desired outcome The status can be either achieved or dictated by society Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts Deal with feelings Examine our own feelings concerning the problem Helps us to better understand the root of what is making us feel angry, hurt, or frustrated Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts Find a special time to meet Planning a designated time in advance can improve the chances of managing conflict. Both partners should have a chance to first think about the problem. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts Keep the discussion focused on the problem Avoid attaching our partner, friend, or co-worker and focus on the observable behavior that is bothering us Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts Use perception checking and empathetic listening Empathy means being able to look at something from the other person’s position Being sensitive and supportive will encourage the other party to express his or her feelings more freely Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Improving Our Efforts to Resolve Conflicts Find a solution for both parties: be flexible Have the ability to adapt to a variety of situations. There is more than one way to work through a conflict. Copyright © 2014, 2011, 2008 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved.