Communication Is it possible to not communicate? In what ways do we communicate?

Communication Is.. The process of exchanging thoughts, messages, or information between 2 or more people.

How is communication altered? 1 person stops paying attention. Speaker is unclear in their delivery. “I can do those dishes” What about through telephone, , or texting? I = capable Can = give me a chance Do = can complete it Those = particular idea Dishes = defines what is being done

Good Communication Must Have….. Looking Listening Responding Or else we get….. Am I a Good Communicator?

Levels of Communication (SPV) “You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” --Leo Aikman Event Superficial Influence Personal Personal Quality Validating Compliment

Levels of Communication 1.Make a small circle with the groups I have organized. 2.Everyone must participate. 3.No talking with other groups. 4.Everyone must listen with their eyes. 5.When I call time you must stop where you are. 6.If you have not finished the previous round, finish it and then move on.

Round #1 Share an event you have experienced. Example:

Round #2 Describe a situation that has proven to be a good INFLUENCE on your life. Example:

Round #3 Describe a quality you already have that will make you a better parent or spouse. Example:

Round #4 You must give a compliment to one other person in your group. Example

Levels of Communication Questions 1.Which was more difficult to share in group? Events, Influences, Personal qualities, Compliments. Why? 2.What are some reactions that occurred in your group? Explain why these occurred. 3.Why is it more difficult to share personal qualities and compliments.

Validating Personal Superficial Levels of Communication “SPV” Communication reinforcing people’s feelings about themselves by 1 st accepting their feelings, 2 nd understanding them, and 3 rd to nurturing them. Shows an understanding and strengthens relationship. Communication involving opening up and talking about feelings, beliefs and opinions that mean something to you. Strengthens relationships Small Talk (weather, home, school, food, etc.) Communication making up the majority of our communication. Weakens Relationships. WHY USE?

1.Which Round (levels of communication) must a relationship strive for in order to grow? Why? 2.Why can’t a relationship remain stable for an extended period of time if they communicate in a Round 1 (superficial state)?

Reasons for keeping Communication Superficial: I may be hurt. I don’t want to hurt their feelings. They will misinterpret what I say. They won’t be receptive It will put our relationship at risk. I will be out on a limb and won’t be supported.

Basic Steps to Validation Acknowledge the other person's feelings Offer to listen Identify their feelings and help them label them Be there for them; remaining present physically and emotionally Feel patient, accepting, and non-judgmental Painful feelings that are expressed, acknowledged and validated by a trusted listener will diminish. Painful feelings that are ignored will gain strength.

Example of Validating I hear you. That hurts That's not good Wow, that's a lot to deal with I would feel the same way. (I would be sad/hurt/angry/jealous, etc. too) That is sad. That sounds discouraging. That sounds like it would really hurt That must really hurt. I know just what you mean. I would feel the same way. I can understand how you feel. It sounds like you are really feeling ____. It sounds like is really important to you.

Video Clips ______________ Dumb and Dumber David Letterman Goonies Pacifier Geezer Club Validating Superficial Personal

Activity Hug the pot holder Partner Draw Picasso Activity that teach family values pg 160 Tangram

Summary: What is SPV? The greater the need to communicate our feelings, the harder it is to do. Indeed, sharing our opinions and emotions is risky business. We minimize the risk when we move through the levels of communication incrementally. That is, each conversation ought to begin with phatic (superficial) communication and move through the levels (however quickly seems appropriate) before moving to the more intimate levels. Generally, we look for the other individual to reciprocate at the same level of intensity. There is a social convention to match levels. If the other initiates a conversation at the evaluative level, we often feel compelled to respond in kind. This is dangerous. Sharing our ideas and feelings is generally reserved for those whom we trust. Trust is a function of confidence, commitment, and time. We generally share our essence with those we’ve known a long time.(2)

Validating necklaces Students talk to one another about their admirable qualities and traits they see in each other. They must validate their compliments. Each time they validate someone they get a piece of yarn tied to their necklaces.