1. Communication

2. Standards and Objectives
Identify various types of communication styles.
Define the levels of communication

3. Complete Survey Thinker Feeler Sensor Intuitor Analyzing
Relating to understanding experiences
Experiencing based on sensory perception
Conceiving, projecting, inducing

4. Where does your communication style come from?
Stacked, 3-D text at dramatic angle
(Intermediate)
To reproduce the text on this slide, do the following:
On the Insert tab, in the Text group, click Text Box, and then on the slide, drag to draw the text box.
On the Home tab, in the Slides group, click Layout, and then click Blank.
Enter text in the text box and select the text. On the Home tab, in the Font group, select Impact from the Font list, and then change the font size of each line so that the text is approximately the same width. For example, if you entered “FIRST” on one line, “SECOND” on the next line, and so on (as shown on the slide), do the following:
Select the first line of text, and then on the Home tab, in the Font group, enter 100 in the Font Size box.
Select the fourth line of text, and then on the Home tab, in the Font group, enter 75.5 in the Font Size box.
Select the third line of text, and then on the Home tab, in the Font group, enter 94 in the Font Size box.
Select the second line of text, and then on the Home tab, in the Font group, enter 70 in the Font Size box.
Select all of the text. On the Home tab, in the Font group, click Character Spacing, and then click More Spacing.
In the Font dialog box, on the Character Spacing tab, in the Spacing list, select Expanded. In the By box, enter 2.
Under Drawing Tools, on the Format tab, in the bottom right corner of the WordArt Styles group, click the Format Text Effects dialog box launcher. In the Format Text Effects dialog box, click Text Fill in the left pane, select Gradient fill in the right pane, and then do the following:
On the Home tab, in the Paragraph group, click Center to center the text in the text box.
Under Gradient stops, click Add gradient stop or Remove gradient stop until two stops appear in the slider.
Click the button next to Direction, and then click From Corner (second option from the left).
In the Type list, select Radial.
Also under Gradient stops, customize the gradient stops that you added as follows:
Select the first stop in the slider, and then do the following:
In the Position box, enter 0%.
Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click White, Background 1, Darker 15% (third row, first option from the left).
Select the last stop in the slider, and then do the following:
In the Position box, enter 100%.
Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click White, Background 1, Darker 50% (sixth row, first option from the left).
Also in the Format Text Effects dialog box, click 3-D Format in the left pane, and then do the following in the right pane:
Also in the Format Text Effects dialog box, click 3-D Rotation in the left pane. In the right pane, click the button next to Presets, and then under Perspective click Perspective Heroic Extreme Left (third row, second option from the left).
Under Depth, in the Depth box, enter 70 pt.
Under Bevel, click the button next to Top, and then under Bevel click Cool Slant (first row, fourth option from the left).
Also in the Format Text Effects dialog box, click Shadow in the left pane. In the right pane, click the button next to Presets, and then under Perspective click Perspective Diagonal Upper Right (first row, second option from the left).
To reproduce the background on this slide, do the following:
Right-click the slide background area, and then click Format Background. In the Format Background dialog box, click Fill in the left pane, select Gradient fill in the right pane, and then do the following:
Click the button next to Direction, and then click Linear Down (first row, second option from the left).
In the Type list, select Linear.
In the Position box, enter 64%.
Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click Black, Text 1 (first row, second option from the left).
Click the button next to Color, and then under Theme Colors click Black, Text 1, Lighter 35% (third row, second option from the left).

5. Modeled By our Parents Two Realms Use in Relationships
Teach our own children

6. Types of Communication
Verbal
Includes speaking and listening (2 way)
Non-Verbal
Appearance, actions, body language, eye contact, personal space
Written (1way)
Visual

7. Where does technology fit?
Computers
Text
Blog
Social media
Music

8. Lets Communicate

9. Statistical Information
45% Verbal
55% Non-verbal
Kinesics approach- “Body Language”
Posture, eye contact, hand movements, head movements, body position in conversations

10. Levels of Communication
Make a small circle with the groups I have organized.
Everyone must participate.
No talking with other groups.
Everyone must listen with their eyes.
When I call time you must stop where you are.
If you have not finished the previous round, finish it and then move on.

11. Round #1
Share an event you have experienced.
Example:

12. Round #2
Describe a situation that has proven to be a good INFLUENCE on your life.
Example:

13. Round #3
Describe a quality you already have that will make you a better parent or spouse.
Example:

14. Round #4 You must give a compliment to one other person in your group.
Example

15. Levels of Communication Discussion

16. Levels of Communication
Event
Superficial
Influence
Personal
Personal Quality
Validating
Compliment

17. Levels of Communication “SPV”
Superficial
Communication making up the majority of our communication. Talking about the weather, home, school, food, etc.
Personal
Communication involving opening up and talking about feelings, beliefs and opinions that mean something to you.
Validating
Communication reinforcing people’s feelings about themselves.

18. Levels of Communication Questions
Can a relationship remain stable for an extended period of time if they communicate in a superficial state? Why?
Which levels of communication must a relationship strive for in order to grow? Why?
Which was more difficult to share in group? Events, Influences, Personal qualities, Compliments. Why?
What are some reactions that occurred in your group? Explain why these occurred.
Why is it more difficult to share personal qualities and compliments.
Why would you communicate superficially?

19. “You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.”
--Leo Aikman

20. Video clips
..\..\..\..\Videos and guides\So you're telling me there's a chance.mp4
..\..\..\..\Videos and guides\Sam is Sleepless in Seattle - Sleepless in Seattle (1_8) Movie CLIP (1993) HD.mp4
..\..\..\..\Videos and guides\The Goonies (2_5) Movie CLIP - Chunk Spills His Guts (1985) HD.mp4
..\..\..\..\Videos and guides\Twister (3_5) Movie CLIP - Obsessed (1996) HD.mp4
..\..\..\..\Videos and guides\Hitch (2005) - Boat Scene.mp4

21. Video Clips Goonies Dumb and Dumber Twister Hitch Sleepless in Seattle
Validating
Superficial
Superficial into Personal
Superficial to Personal

22. What kind of communication makes up majority of our conversations?
What kind of communication makes a relationships stronger?
What is validating Communication?

23. Reasons for keeping Communication Superficial:
I may be hurt.
I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
They will misinterpret what I say.
They won’t be receptive
It will put our relationship at risk.
I will be out on a limb and won’t be supported.

24. Why is it hard to share personal qualities and compliments
Risk?
You were sharing something that means something to you
Someone could betray you

25. Ponder This
No relationship can remain stable for an extended period of time.
Relationships are either getting better or going stale (husband/wife, friend, parent/child)
Relationships are worth the RISK!!

26. The Generation Gap
Occurs when the parent and child communicate on a superficial level

27. Couples that live together, but share ZERO love for interests, eachother, life, only communicate superficially.

28. What Validation Is
To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them.

29. Basic Steps to Validation
Acknowledging the other person's feelings
Identifying the feelings
Offering to listen
Helping them label the feelings
Being there for them; remaining present physically and emotionally
Feeling patient
Feeling accepting and non-judgmental

30. Example of Validating I hear you. That hurts That's not good
Wow, that's a lot to deal with I would feel the same way. (I would be sad/hurt/angry/jealous, etc. too)
That is sad. That sounds discouraging. That sounds like it would really hurt That must really hurt.
I know just what you mean. I would feel the same way. I can understand how you feel. It sounds like you are really feeling ____. It sounds like is really important to you.

31. Painful feelings that are expressed, acknowledged and validated by a trusted listener will diminish. Painful feelings that are ignored will gain strength. (1)

32. “No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.”
Henry B. Adams

33. Activity

34. Communication Styles
“Conversation is the art of telling people a little less than they want to know.”

35. Personal Assessment Communication
Complete the assessment handout.
Determine which style of communication you prefer.

36. Communication Styles --Touch Hugging, holding hands, physically close
--Verbal
Sharing one’s feelings, listening, heart-to-heart talks, caring words
--Task
Achievement, accomplishments, hard work, status, things

37. You should remember:
A person’s primary orientation is determined by the highest score on the quiz.
The secondary orientation is determined by the second highest score on the quiz.
Some people will have scores that are very close or may use a different communication under different circumstances.
It is important that you understand the following terms:
Communication --- the way one sends and receives messages of acceptance, affection, and appreciation.

38. It is important that you understand the following terms:
Communication --- the way one sends and receives messages of acceptance, affection, and appreciation.

39. Where do our communication styles come from?
It comes from a reflection of or reaction to your home life.
If your mother is task-oriented person and you are also a task-oriented person you reflect your home language. If, on the other hand, your mother is task-oriented and you are touch-oriented, you are reacting to your home language.

40. One is not better or worse, but it is important to recognize that you do or do not speak the same home language as those around you.
Most people have learned their home language –so it can be changed.
However, change is not what is needed, understanding is.

41. How does a Touch-Oriented, Verbal-Oriented, & a Task-Oriented Person respond to the following situations?
A child comes home with good grades
A co-worker gets a promotion or a raise.
A close friend slipped on the ice and broke their leg.
A sibling just broke up with their boy/girl friend.
Their grandparents 50th anniversary is coming up.

42. Show “He Says, She Says!” Video

43. Golden Rule with a Twist
Do unto others as they would have you do to them, not as you would have them do to you.
Speak to your partner, friend, family member in whatever communication style he/she speaks.

44. METHODS OF DECODING OTHER’S COMMUICATION STYLES:
Ask him/her to take the quiz
Recognize how he/she reacts and shows love to others.
Observe his/her reactions when a compliment, hug, or gift is given. Which do you think means the most?

45. It is important to know that in a crisis, many people move to a different communication style, just to combat the crisis, and then move back to their original style when the crisis has passed.
Watch for signs of a different communication style when stressed or crisis occurs.

46. How To Respond in Someone’s Language
GOLDEN RULE: WITH A TWIST
Do unto others as they would have your do to them, not as you would have them do to you…
SPEAK to your (friend, partner, boss, teacher, sister, brother, parent) in whatever communication style and feel a need to be spoken to in that style

47. Summary
The greatest human emotional need is ACCEPTANCE. This is especially true in a marriage. The question “Do you love me?” translates to “Do you accept me? In spite of all my fears and faults will you stay with me? If I am totally revealed to you, all my good and bad, can I trust you to love me and care for me? By using the love language you can learn to communicate this complete kind of acceptance to your loved ones.