Habit #5 – Seek First to Understand, Then Be Understood

What Does This Mean? “Before I can walk in another’s shoes, I must first remove my own.”

Poor Listening Styles Spacing out Pretend Listening Selective Listening Word Listening Self-Centered Listening Judging Advising Probing

Spacing Out Spacing Out – When you are talking to someone and they ignore you because their mind is on something else.

Pretend Listening Pretend Listening – When you are talking to someone and they aren’t paying much attention. They pretend to listen by saying things like: “yeah,” “uh-huh,” “cool,” “sounds great.”

Selective Listening Selective Listening – When you were talking to someone and they only paid attention to the part of the conversation that interested them.

Word Listening Word Listening – When you were talking to someone and they were only listening to your words, not your body language, the feelings, or the true meaning behind the words.

Self Centered Listening Self-Centered Listening – When you are talking to someone and they only see what you are saying from their own point of view. They can’t put themselves in your shoes. They say things like, “Oh, I know exactly how you feel…” or “That reminds me of when I…”

Judging Judging – When you are talking to someone and you sense they are judging you instead of just listening to you.

Advising Advising – When you are talking to someone and they give you advice from their own experience. This takes the form of, “When I was your age…” or “You should really try…”

Probing Probing – When you are talking to someone and they keep asking you questions that you aren’t ready to answer yet.