Developing Communication Styles & Refusal Skills TEACHER SCRIPT: This PowerPoint® presentation will develop communication and refusal skills. 8th Grade Lesson 7D

COMMUNICATION STYLES AGGRESSIVE PASSIVE ASSERTIVE TEACHER SCRIPT: Communication allows us to express our thoughts and deal with conflict. Let’s look at different communication styles and how they can help us with refusal skills. AGGRESSIVE PASSIVE ASSERTIVE

PASSIVE Unsure Non-confrontational Doesn’t matter Wants the other person to be happy Doesn’t want to disappoint TEACHER SCRIPT: It’s not always bad to use the passive communication style. For example, if someone asks you to do something that has no negative consequences, it’s okay to be passive. If someone asks you where you want to eat for lunch, or what do you want to watch on TV and it really doesn’t matter, it’s okay to be passive; however, when someone is trying to pressure you into a bad decision, don’t be passive. Passivity can be seen as unsure or easily influenced. People will often continue to pressure passive people into doing something until the passive person either uses another communication style or does what the individual wants them to do. It is okay to upset or disappoint someone if they are trying to get you to go beyond your set limits!

ASSERTIVE Clearly and convincingly communicates intentions Gives alternatives to the suggested activity Seeks a win/win scenario TEACHER SCRIPT: The assertive style clearly and convincingly communicates intentions. The goal is to communicate that you do or do not agree with the suggested activity. An assertive person might also recommend alternative activities if the one suggested is risky. A lot of people will respect the assertive stance and stop pressuring you to get involved with risky behaviors; however, if a person continues to pressure you after you have clearly stated your intentions, it is okay to get aggressive.

Aggressive does not mean violent! Forceful and hard-line Serious eyes, raised eyebrows, strong stance and voice Insistent and uncompromising TEACHER SCRIPT: To be aggressive means you forcefully give your opinion, end the conversation, and walk away if necessary. Some people will continue to pressure an assertive person. When that happens, it is okay to get aggressive, but never okay to get violent. Being aggressive may upset someone, but may be necessary to avoid being pressured into a risky behavior/situation. Stand up for your best interests and future. Aggressive does not mean violent!

Effective Communication Means More Than Words Can Say! What you say How you say it Appearance Body Language Listening TEACHER SCRIPT: As communicators, we use more than words to express our thoughts. What you say - The words you choose. How you say it - This is your tone. The way you say it, and how loud you say it. Appearance - This is one of the first things people notice. Whether its right or wrong, people are often judged by the way they appear. Are your pants pulled up? Are your shorts extremely short? Your appearance is the first impression of you. Body Language - Your body language is the way you dress, walk, stand, or sit. Is your head up or down? Are you looking away or at someone else when they are talking to you? These are all body language cues. Listening - Carefully listen to what others have to say and give your full attention.

Sometimes getting assertive or aggressive can offend someone Sometimes getting assertive or aggressive can offend someone. It’s okay to offend someone if they are trying to push you to get involved with risky behaviors! TEACHER SCRIPT: Read the slide.

Use communication and refusal skills to avoid negative peer pressure TEACHER SCRIPT: Negative peer pressure may result in participation of risky behaviors such as drug, tobacco, or alcohol use, violence, or other dangerous activities. When teens are confronted with negative peer pressure, they must use their communication skills to clearly express refusal. Still, it is sometimes difficult to say “No.” Let’s discuss why it may be difficult to say “No” and why they aren’t good reasons.

Why Is It Hard to Say “No?” Teens may have a hard time saying “No” because They want to be cool. They don’t want to lose friends. They think the activity isn’t that big of a deal. They think everyone is doing it. They think they will hurt their friend’s feelings. TEACHER SCRIPT: Teens often comment that they know they should say “No” but have trouble saying “No.” What are some reasons? Allow students to come up with answers, then read the slide for examples. Are any of these good reasons if it’s a risky behavior?

Ways to Refuse Yes-No-Yes Say “NO!” “Yes” to the relationship “NO” to the behavior “Yes” to an alternative Say “NO!” When Yes-No-Yes doesn’t work When the activity is illegal or dangerous You MUST be firm in your NO response TEACHER SCRIPT: On the screen and on your handout, Ways to Refuse (7A.3), you will see the “Yes-No-Yes” refusal technique. Imagine that your boyfriend or girlfriend asked you to sneak behind the bleachers to make out. In this situation, you said: “Yes” to the relationship, “I want to spend time with you but…” “No” to the behavior, “I don’t want to leave the game.” “Yes” to an alternative, “Let’s just go the concession stand. I’m thirsty.” This is an example of a refusal skill but there are situations where something is illegal or very dangerous. If this happens, you will want to say “NO,” be firm in your response, and use the “NO” body language.

Ways to Refuse If you are being pressured to sneak behind the bleachers to make out, how could you use the Yes-No-Yes technique? TEACHER SCRIPT: We reviewed the Yes-No-Yes technique with this example. Now, let’s take this example a bit further. Why might you sneak behind the bleachers? What could happen if you did?

Express Yourself: Taking Care of Me “I took a beer from the fridge, let’s share it!” “We’ve been going out for 2 weeks, let’s have sex.” “The sales clerk is not paying attention. Just steal it!” “I have some of my brother’s cigarettes. Let’s try one, it can’t hurt!” “Math class is so boring. Let’s skip!” TEACHER SCRIPT: Now, you will form into five groups to discuss handout Express Yourself: Taking Care of Me (7E). Each group will be assigned a situation, and you will consider why and how you should say NO, why it could be difficult to say NO, the consequences of saying YES, and the benefits of saying NO. If we have time, we can act out the scenarios using the Yes, No, Yes technique. .