Peer Pressure and Refusal Skills

Peer Pressure Peer pressure is the control and influence people your age can have over you (can occur at any age). Peer pressure can have either a + or a – influence on your actions and behaviors. Learning to resist negative peer pressure is an important skill. Refusal skills are ways of saying no to negative peer influence.

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Positive Response to Peer Pressure Feeling inspired by a good example set by someone you trust or admire Positive Role Models Influencing others to take positive actions Making worthwhile causes “What not to do”

Reflection Take about 3 minutes and write about someone that you look up to. What makes them your role model?

Responding to – Peer Pressure Passive: Giving up, giving in, or backing down without standing up for your own rights and needs.  People who are passive may think that they are making friends by going along with peer pressure. However, they may be viewed as pushovers or not worthy of much respect. Aggressive: Being overly forceful, pushy, hostile, or otherwise attacking in approach.  May involve punching, yelling, shouting insults, or displaying other kinds of physical or verbal force. The aggressive approach violates the rights of others. The aggressor may think the are getting their way and perhaps be seen as powerful and popular, usually this approach backfires.

Manipulation: Sneaky or dishonest way to control or influence others. Types of Manipulation 1. Mocking or teasing the person in a mean or hurtful way 2. Bargaining: offering to make a deal to get what one wants 3. Bribing: promising money or favors if the person will do what another asks of him or her 4.Using guilt trips to get desired results

Types of Manipulation Cont. 5. Making threats: using words that show a person intends to use violence or some other negative means to get his or her way 6. Using blackmail: threatening to reveal some damaging information if the person does not conform 7. Using flattery : undeserved praise to influence another person

SKIT TIME

Communication Do’s Communication Don’ts Listen Look at the Person in the Eyes Ask Questions Hear a Person Out Resist Distractions Be Open –Minded Assume Responsibility for a Two-Way Dialogue Interrupt Raise your Voice or Yell Call Names or Label Blame Force or Threaten Laugh at People Assume you Understand Make Snap Judgments Say “Always” or “Never” or “um” or “like” too much Offer Advice when it’s not needed Communication Skills

“I” Statements I statements are an important communication skill in conflict management. I statements begin with the word “I” and state directly to someone how you feel about something, why you feel that way, and what you want. Often in conflict situations, we use “you” statements, which can escalate the conflict by making the listener feel blamed, judged or criticized and which can cause him/her to withdraw or become angry or defensive. I statements are less threatening and send clearer messages than “you” statements

“I” Statements When we use I statements, it is easier for the other person to hear what we are saying, even when we are angry or frustrated. We are honest about and take responsibility for our own feelings, and we communicate in a way that encourages positive problem-solving.  The format is as follows:  I feel… (state your emotion)  when… (describe the specific situation in a neutral and objective way)  because… (state the effect on your life)  and I want… (state the action you want taken). It is very important to begin I statements by stating the emotion you have about the situation, rather than a thought or action.

How to resist Peer Pressure: Refusal Skills 1. Simply say “no” 2. Give a reason 3. Suggest an Alternative 4. Stand up to peer pressure-Be assertive 5. Leave the scene 6. Avoid the scene

Ways to say NO Simply say “no”  “no, I’d rather not”  “no thanks”  “Thanks, but no thanks”  “Not me”  “No way”  “Nah”  “Forget it”

Ways to say “NO” Give a reason  “I don’t like the taste”  “I don’t want to ruin my lungs”  “I don’t feel like it”  “I don’t do drugs”  “I don’t like the feeling of being high, I don’t want to lose control”  “I want to know what’s going on”  “I don’t want to get dependent”  “It’s illegal”  “We might get caught”  “It makes me feel sick”  “I’m on the (basketball) team, so I don’t (drink/smoke)” or “I don’t want to lose my spot”

Ways to say “NO” Suggest an Alternative  “No, but I would sure like a soda”  “No, but let’s go outside and talk”  “No, but I’m going to the mall if you want to come along.”  “No, but lets go play ball instead”

Ways to say “NO” Stand up to peer pressure (Be assertive)  “I already said NO”  “I just don’t feel like it”  “I really meant it when I said no”

Ways to say “NO” Leave the scene  “No,”  “I’ve got to go now”  “I have to be home in 15 minutes”  “I forgot I have to pick up my little sister/brother today.”

Ways to say “NO” Avoid the scene  Bathrooms at school,  Restaurants  Garages  Alleys  Certain Parties  Certain friends’ houses ** Resistance can make you feel good because you are showing that you’re strong ** People who reject you because you don’t use drugs are not very good friends in the first place

Pressures from Inside yourself Say, “No, I won’t” to yourself Say “no” to yourself and give a reason Leave or avoid the scene Do something else (exercise, listen to music, call a friend, watch TV, read a book, do homework, clean your room) Think about the things you are risking and the people you could be hurting or letting down