What is Love? Difficult to define Special attitude with behavioral and emotional components Different things to different people Difficult to measure

Rubin’s Love Scale 13-item questionnaire 3 components of love Attachment Caring Intimacy

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory Passion, Intimacy, & Commitment are the three components of love Passion builds then fades Intimacy & Commitment continue to build Variations in components yield different kinds of love Intimacy alone = friendship Passion alone = infatuation Commitment alone = empty love

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory

Falling in Love The chemistry of love Neurotransmitters Mentioned last class Endorphins Chemicals - euphoria, peace, tranquility Loss of romantic love and neurotransmitter withdrawal

Falling in Love: Proximity Proximity Mere exposure effect Familiarity breeds predictability which leads to greater comfort Greater proximity often reflects shared interests

Falling in Love: Similarity Similarity Level of physical attractiveness Age, educational status, and religion Race and ethnicity Why Similarity? Share similar interests & activities Communicate better Confirm own views & experiences Supportive of values & beliefs

Falling in Love: Reciprocity Reciprocity When someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back Increases in self-esteem Increases likelihood of relationship enduring

Falling in Love: Physical Attractiveness Belief that “What’s beautiful is good” Status by association Most important in early stages May be an indicator of physical health Heterosexual males place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness

Attachment Intense emotional tie Adult attachments are influenced by our attachment to caregiver in infancy

Attachment Attachment styles in Adulthood Paired couples often are similar in their attachment styles Attachment style affects interaction in relationship

Attachment Styles and Relationships

Issues in Loving Relationships Relationship between love & sex Relationship between the two is not always clear Consider “hook-ups” and “friends with benefits” Questions to ask: Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship? Do men and women have different views of sex & love? How does age impact this?

Sexual Orientation and Attitudes about Love & Sex Many people stereotype same-sex relationships as primarily sexual Sex differences among lesbians and gay men are consistent with general sex difference in attitudes toward love and sex Gay men are more likely than lesbians to separate love from sex Lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established

Jealousy in Relationships Jealousy-prone person Low self-esteem High value on wealth and popularity Negative consequences Precipitates partner violence Stifles relationship development Raises anxiety, depression, anger Sex differences Women (her fault) Men (partner or third person’s fault)

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction Ingredients in a lasting love relationship Self-acceptance Appreciation of each other’s qualities Commitment Good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests I versus You communication Ability to face and deal with conflict Know how to compromise

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction Characteristics of high quality relationships Supportive communication Companionship Sexual expression and variety Although not always variety… Seeing partner as best friend Maintaining frequent positive interaction

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction Individual and relationship growth Growth and change maintain relationship Overcome obstacles View problems as challenges Negotiate and renegotiate wants Accept each other as unique

Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction Sexual Variety Communication is critical Listen to needs Must communicate yours! No mind readers! Be spontaneous Sometimes need to plan for intimate time Don’t worry about frequency “standards”

Celibacy Types of Celibacy Complete celibacy Neither masturbates nor has sexual contact with another person Partial celibacy

Reasons for or Benefits of Celibacy Religious, moral beliefs Waiting for the appropriate person Learning about other aspects of self Health considerations During substance abuse recovery

Erotic Dreams Expression and exploration of desires Most males, two thirds females Nocturnal orgasm Both sexes Women have higher frequency of intercourse and of orgasm with masturbation more likely aware

Erotic Fantasy Daydreams, masturbation, or during sexual encounters 95% of women and men fantasize Fantasy content among heterosexual and non- heterosexual individuals are similar, except for sex of imagined partner

Sexual Fantasy Function of sexual fantasies Source of pleasure & arousal Overcome sexual anxiety Acceptable expression of socially unacceptable behavior Gender similarities & differences Women more likely to use romance Men more likely to have domination fantasies Women more likely to have submission fantasies

Fantasies: Help or Hindrance? Most research points to helpful Healthy part of sexuality May actually enhance a relationship How might fantasies be harmful?

Perspectives on Masturbation Traditional Condemnation Censured as non-procreational Erroneous health concerns Tissot, Graham, Kellogg Contemporary research has established that it is not harmful Differences by race, gender, education White male, married, college grad

Purposes for Masturbation Relieves sexual tension Means of self-exploration Shared experience Common among married couples More frequent sex = more frequent masturbation Not dissatisfaction Assists in physical relaxation

Self-Pleasuring Technique Follow your moral values Set aside adequate time & relax Experiment with different types of touch

Kissing and Touching Kissing Cross-cultural practices and attitudes toward kissing Touching Cornerstone of human sexuality Whole body is responsive Specific erogenous zones

Touching: Manual Stimulation of Genitals Individual differences with regard to manual stimulation Most women need consistent touching through orgasm Usually hand movements against mons and clitoris Men may not like to be touched just after orgasm

Gay Male Sexual Behaviors Misconceptions One “wears the dress” Realities Similar to noncoital heterosexual behaviors Fellatio, mutual masturbation are most common Compared to other men, gay men often have more diversity, self-expression, & personal enjoyment in their sexual contact

Lesbian Sexual Expression Misconceptions Idea of wearing dildo Artificial penis Realities Similar to noncoital heterosexual behaviors Lesbian sexual relations tend to be longer and involve more all-over body sensuality

Oral-Genital Stimulation Types: cunnilungus & fellatio Acceptance varies 69 refers to simultaneous oral-genital stimulation

Anal Stimulation Prevalence is lower than other forms of sexual activity Health risk (HIV, other infections) Lubricants and gentle insertion needed Bad idea to have vaginal sex after anal