1. Friendship, Love & Commitment
Michael Itagaki
Sociology 275, Marriage and Family

2. The Importance of Love Love is essential. The paradox of love
Love is both a feeling and an activity.
The paradox of love
Perfection vs. Meaning

3. Love and American Families
Foundation for marriage, criterion for spousal selection.
Character of love.
Love is the criterion for choosing a spouse.
Love is uncontrollable and irrational.
Homogamy
The tendency to marry people much like oneself.

4. Friendship, Love and Commitment
Foundation for love and commitment
Love
Draws people together, sustains them
Commitment
Stable factors that maintain the relationship
Love and commitment are related, but can exist without the other.

5. Friendship, Love and Commitment
Friendship and love bind us together
Best friends: similar to spouse and lover relationships
Lovers covet exclusiveness
Friendship appears to be the foundation for a strong love relationship.

6. Friendship, Love and Commitment
Gender differences and love
Differences in number and nature of friendships
Men are more open in cross-sex friendships
Men fall in love more quickly than women

7. Friendship, Love and Commitment
Gender exceptions: Love between equals
Peer marriage: Built on equity, equality and deep friendship.
Deep friendship
Valuing companionship
Produces intimacy and mutual respect

8. Central Attributes of Love
Trust
Caring
Honesty
Friendship
Respect
Concern for the other’s well-being
Loyalty
Commitment
Acceptance of the other
Supportiveness
Wanting to be with the other
Interest in the other

9. Central Attributes of Commitment
Loyalty
Responsibility
Living up to your word
Faithfulness
Trust
Being there for the other in good and bad times
Devotion
Reliability
Giving your best effort
Supportiveness
Perseverance
Concern about the other’s well-being

10. Feelings Identifying Love
Rubin’s four feelings identifying love:
Caring for the other
Needing the other
Trusting the other
Tolerating the other

11. Friendship, Love and Commitment
Other Research on Love
Romantic love expressed by:
Verbally/physically expressing affection
Self disclosing
Giving material/non-material evidence
In love? More positive world view

12. Behaviors Expressing Love
Swensen’s expressions of romantic love:
Verbally expressing affection
Self-disclosing, revealing intimate facts
Offer emotional support
Expressing nonverbal feelings (happiness, etc…)
Giving material evidence: gifts, favors
Physically expressing love

13. Important Factors in Commitment
Balance of costs to benefits
Normative inputs: Values about love
Structural constraints: Roles and expectations

14. Observations, Research on Commitment
Commitments are more likely to endure in marriage
Commitments are more likely to endure in heterosexual relationships
Enduring marriage is not always a happy one
Overlap between love and commitment

15. Wheel Theory of Love
Love develops and is maintained through four processes:
Rapport
Self-revelation
Mutual dependency
Fulfillment of intimacy needs

16. Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love

17. Triangular theory of love
Views love as consisting of three components:
Intimacy

18. Ten Signs of Intimacy Wanting to promote your partner’s welfare.
Feeling happiness with your partner.
Holding your partner in high regard.
Being able to count on your partner in time of need.
Being able to understand each other.

19. Ten Signs of Intimacy
Sharing yourself and your possessions with your partner.
Receiving emotional support from your partner.
Giving emotional support to your partner.
Being able to communicate with your partner about intimate things.
Valuing your partner’s presence in your life.

20. Triangular theory of love
Views love as consisting of three components:
Intimacy
Passion
Decision/commitment

21. Triangular Theory of Love

22. Commitment, Passion, and Intimacy
Type
Commitment
Passion
Intimacy
Liking - +
Infatuation –
Empty love
Romantic love
Companionate love + –
Fatuous love
Consummate love

23. Attachment Theory of Love
Views love as being similar in nature to attachments we form as infants.
The attachment (love) styles of both infants and adults are:
Secure
Anxious/ambivalent
Avoidant

24. Styles of Unrequited Love
Cyrano style: Desire for a relationship regardless of how hopeless.
Anxious/ambivalents
Giselle style: Misperception that a relationship is likely to develop.
Secure
Don Quixote style: Desire to be in love.
Avoidants

25. Jealousy
Occurs because of a partner’s real, imagined, or likely involvement with a third person.
Most likely in committed relationships because of the presumed “specialness” of the relationship.
Fear of loss, coupled with insecurity, increases the likelihood of jealousy.