Introduction to assertiveness Professional Development Introduction to assertiveness Prepared by Suzanne Morton 1

Today’s session - content Professional Development Today’s session - content Difficult situations – our choices Identifying assertive, aggressive and submissive behaviour Types of assertion Body language Personal action plans 2

Difficult situations are inevitable Professional Development Difficult situations are inevitable Poor / inappropriate communication Personality clash Conflicting interests Conflicting values Unrealistic expectations Misunderstandings / mistakes 3

Difficult situations – you have choices in how you react / behave… Professional Development Difficult situations – you have choices in how you react / behave… Do what comes naturally? Give yourself time / space to think? Reframe the situation – i.e. try to see it differently? Be assertive? YOU HAVE A CHOICE! 4

The choice you make is critical to the outcome Professional Development The choice you make is critical to the outcome The attitudes that we adopt in any situation partly determine how the situation will unfold. Zohar & Marshall (1993) 5

Professional Development Know your goal! What are you trying to achieve (top end of the negotiating scale)? What are you prepared to put up with (bottom line position)? Between these two is a negotiable range (compromise) Don’t use behaviours which are counter-productive! 6

But you can’t change other people! Professional Development But you can’t change other people! Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig 7

Spectrum of behaviours Professional Development Spectrum of behaviours 8

Professional Development Aggressive behaviour Standing up for your rights in a way violates the rights of others Ignoring or dismissing the needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs of others Expressing your own needs, wants and opinions in inappropriate ways 9

Professional Development Aggressive words Shut up and listen What a nerve Because I said so Get on with it You’d better Stupid You’re a……! 10

Professional Development Submissive behaviour Failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in a way that others can easily disregard them Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in apologetic or self effacing ways Failing to express honestly your own needs, wants beliefs and opinions 11

Professional Development Submissive words Sorry to bother you It’s only me Would you mind I could come back later I wonder if Excuse me I guess 12

Professional Development Assertive behaviour Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another person’s rights Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in direct honest and appropriate ways 13

Professional Development Assertive words I would like I think Let’s consider the options I respect your view What do you think? I believe that How can we resolve this 14

Professional Development Assertive Techniques Basic assertion Responsive assertion Empathetic assertion Fogging Instant replay Discrepancy assertion Negative feelings Consequence assertion 15

Low level assertion (1) Basic: A straightforward statement which stands up for your rights by making clear your needs, wants, beliefs opinions or feelings. e.g. “I need to be away by 5 p.m.” Responsive: A behaviour that aims to find out where the other person stands, their needs, wants opinions and feelings e.g. “Katie, I’d like to hear your views on this report”or “What problems does that create for you Rachael?” Empathetic: A statement that contains some empathy and a statement of your needs / wants. e.g.”I know you’re busy at the moment John but I’d like to ask a quick question”

Low level assertion (2) Fogging: A way of slowing the other person down without necessarily agreeing or disagreeing with them. e.g. “I can see why you might think that Sam” or “There may be some truth in what you are saying” Instant replay: A way of getting your message through without nagging or whining. The message is repeated or paraphrased until it can no longer be dismissed or ignored.e.g. “I can’t get the report done by 2 o’clock”…………. “I can’t do the report by 2 o’clock but I could do it by 4 o’clock”……“As I’ve already said I can’t do the report for 2 o’clock”…..

High level assertion (1) Discrepancy: A statement that shows the other person has ‘moved the goalposts’. e.g. “Mike, when we spoke about this last year you said you would delegate more responsibility to me, I’m still keen for that to happen” Negative feelings: A statement which shows another person the undesirable effect their behaviour is having on you. e.g. “When you make comments like that in meetings it makes me feel that I’m not being taken seriously”

High level assertion (2) Consequence: A statement that informs the other person of the consequences of not changing their behaviour. e.g. “If this happens again, I’ll have no option but to talk to the head of school. I’d rather we didn’t get to that stage.”

Professional Development Reframing 2 people can look at the same situation or ‘picture’ and see entirely different things 20

It may help to try to see their ‘picture’ Professional Development It may help to try to see their ‘picture’ 21

Body Language - say it like you mean it! Professional Development Body Language - say it like you mean it! Is learned before language Is more convincing than language Is powerful in forming a first impression 22

Body Language is made up of Professional Development Body Language is made up of Eye contact Facial expression Posture Gestures Personal space Dress Voice Tone 23

The Power of Body Language Professional Development The Power of Body Language 7% WORDS what you say 55% APPEARANCE how you look! 38% VOICE how you say it 24

Assertive Body Language Professional Development Assertive Body Language Moderate eye contact Relaxed facial expression Open gestures Relaxed posture Appropriate proximity Moderate voice tone 25

Difficult situations checklist Professional Development Difficult situations checklist What are your rights? What are his/her rights? What are your fears about tackling this? What are the possible benefits to tackling it? What is negotiable / non-negotiable? What type of assertion could be used as a starting point / to escalate? Consider your body language and vocal tone. Where and when are you going to speak to him/her? 26

Professional Development Action plan Use your judgement to choose situations you want to be more assertive in Weigh up pros and cons of being assertive Be clear what outcome you want at the start Know your negotiating limit Have a flexible strategy Don’t give up at the first hurdle Look for win/win compromise solutions if possible Look at the ‘big picture’ 27