1 Interpersonal Relationships: Building and Redefining Relations after Brain Injury Kristine Cichowski, MS, Director Judson Paschen, Brain Injury Peer Mentor Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago - LIFE Center Community Life Skills Training Midwest Regional Traumatic Brain Injury Model System at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago

2 Brain Injury: Impact on Relationships  Changes in –Thinking –Personality –Behavior –Emotion  Grief and acceptance –Family –Friends –Children –Spouse

3 Types of Relationships  Acquaintances –Know each other and interests  Casual Friends –See each other occasionally at events  Close Friends –Share the same interests and special experiences  Intimate Friends –Provide emotional support and encouragement –May or may not involve physical contact

4 Basic Elements of Friendship –Common interests or skills –Shared values –Inviting personality –Positive outlook Know yourself outside of your brain injury

5 Make a Good Impression Take pride in yourself  Take care of your health –Exercise –Good nutrition –Rest  Pay attention to your physical appearance –Neatly groomed Hair, teeth, nails Clean body –Clothing and personal style  Project a positive attitude –Confidence Smile, positive body language Dress for success, be approachable

6 How do we get to know each other?  Share your interests –Let people know what you care about  Show that you care about others –Be helpful  Make a habit of active listening –Show genuine interest in getting to know someone

7 Develop Social Skills  Pay attention to your mannerisms –Polite, good manners –Connect by smiling, maintaining eye contact and listening –Conversation skills Use icebreakers – where are you from, I see you’re interested in… –Refrain from interrupting –Show a sense of humor

8 Nurture Relationships  Social Interactions –As a friend or couple Be considerate of each others feelings Support conversations –Be patience with word finding and emotional swings Recognize and respect hyper / hypo sensitivity –Altered sensations –With groups of people Be a supportive coach in conversations, sharing or reminiscing Help each other grow

9 Stress and Relationships Starting Over  Confront grief  Embrace the person for who they are now  Set goals with realistic expectations  Celebrate progress Keep Moving Forward

10 Knowledge is Power! LIFE Center OR ~ “Quick Links”- LIFE Center Phone: (312) 238-LIFE(5433) Fax: (312) This program is supported in part by a grant from the National Institute on Disability and Rehabilitation Research (NIDRR) and is part of the Midwest Regional Traumatic Brain Injury Model System at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago.

11 Tips for Family & Friends  Speak slowly and clearly, but not demeaning. Use meaningful examples  Focus conversations - one person, one topic, one task at a time  Minimize distractions – it can be hard work to interact with others  Be mindful of fatigue and how it affects thinking, behavior – brain and physical stamina  Be time sensitive and true to your word  Verify that information is understood  Write down information for recall at another time  Use visuals to simplify / clarify  Reinforce use of a to do list or memory book  Identify and communicate with the “Coach” Take time to get to know each other

12 Tips for Family & Friends Coaching Tips  As you observe behavior, give supportive feedback - be fair  Establish a signal to help a person “stop & think” – use the signal in a fair way  Rehearse answers to questions - Keep it simple and positive.  Reach out to others to help them stay connected with you and your loved one  Clarify misinformation and misunderstandings – nurture relationships  Embrace the person for who they are now – refrain from comparisons to the old self  Practice forgiveness

13 References:  Gainer, PhD, Rolf B., Mason, Michael, Sex & the Single Synapse: Maintaining Sexual Intimacy following Brain Injury.(2004) Neurologic Rehabilitation Institute at Brookhaven Hospital.  Diaz-Duraski, RN, Sylvia, Brain Injury: Sexuality, Brain Injury Program: Patient and Family Resource Guide. (2008). Chicago: Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago LIFE Center.  Karp, Gary, Disability and the Art of Kissing. (2006) Life on Wheels Press.  Nussbaum, Susan, Sex Resource Guide for People with Disablities. (2005) Access Living of Metropolitan Chicago.  Kroll, Ken, Levy Klein, Erica, Enabling Romance. (1996) Harmony Books, New York.  Wake, Joyce, Growing and Maturing our Friendships: Nine Lessons. (1998). Revival In the Home Ministries.