“Increasing resilience among workers who deal with difficult conversations” Andrea Lardani, Ms Eduardo Lambardi, Ms

Goals of this presentation Identify reasons for enhancing employees´ resilience as EA professionals. Describe a resilience training program for workers who deal with difficult conversations. Share results obtained at a worker´s compensation insurance company in Argentina.

Reasons for talking about resilience as EA professionals: Evolution of the EAPs. From prevention and treatment of mental disorders to promotion of strengths and resources. How to help people live happier lives / improve their quality of life / reinforce wellness. Why resilience?

Describing resilience Evidence shows that not every person living adverse conditions suffer from illnesses. Some persons overcome adversity and are even strengthened by it. (Emmy Werner and Ruth Smith´s study in Hawaii, 1992) Research started to study this phenomena today called RESILIENCE.

Describing resilience Some definitions: “The physical property of a material that can return to its original shape after deformation that does not exceed its elastic limit” (Merriam-Webster dictionary) “The ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” “Human being´s capacity to cope with life adversities, overcome them and transform positively because of them” (Munist et al, 1998)

Describing resilience What does resilience look like? Resilient people: View problems and challenges as opportunities Learn from their mistakes and failures Seek out new and challenging experiences Have a sense of humor and realistic optimism under stress Don´t feel shame nor depression in the face of failure Seek for social support

Describing resilience Advantages of being resilient: Resilience reduces the intensity of stress Produces a decrease in negative emotional signs such as anxiety, depression or anger Increases curiosity and emotional health (Chok Hiel and coleages, 2000) So resilience is effective not only to cope with adversities but also to promote mental and emotional health.

Describing resilience Importance of being resilient at work: Pressures to do more with less The need to play multiple roles and satisfy multiple customers in our jobs Work / life balance out of balance Changing job descriptions Increasing pressure to achieve higher levels of performance Merges and acquisitions – blending of organizational cultures Changing job descriptions Uncertainty about the future

Describing resilience Resilience can be learnt and developed For APA (American Psychological Association): Resilience is NOT an inborn personality trait. Resilience includes behaviors, thoughts and actions that may be learnt and developed by any person. The Penn Resiliency Program, based on M. Seligman’s research: Demonstrated that resilience techniques can be taught, and that the resilient thinking style learnt can be long lasting and improved.

Describing resilience So which qualities should be developed? Nan Henderson – Martin Seligman – APA Conditions to be resilient: -Caring - Clear and consistent boundaries -High expectations for success - Life skills -Social activities and support Individual skills to be resilient in life: - Self-motivation - Flexibility – Humor - Creativity - Sociability – Social problem solving - Confidence - Communication skills - Competence - Cognitive skills - Positive view of personal future -

Summarising Need to emphasize psychological wellness and personal growth. Resilience is the capacity to cope with life adversities, overcome them and transform positively because of them. Importance of being resilient in today’s working environments (Resilience reduces stress, absenteeism, increases productivity) Resilience can be developed by training certain skills.

Why a program for workers who deal with difficult conversations? Certain positions: call centers, customers services, case managers, sales, etc. are more exposed to difficult conversations and their consequences. These workers are constantly confronted with adverse situations (aggressions, rejections, excessive demands, complaints, unwanted results, etc.) We have identified that most workers have many technical skills but lack of other fundamental skills that build resilience. Our program focuses on these other skills. Which resilience skills should employees exposed to difficult conversations develop?

Workers who deal with difficult conversations They should train the following skills to increase resilience: 3 focus areas of our program COMMUNICATION SKILLS COGNITIVE SKILLS HEALTHY HABITS

A Resilience Training Program for workers who deal with difficult conversations Title: “Dealing with Difficult Conversations at Work” Goal: To increase participants’ skills to manage difficult conversations and the distress they produce. Stages: 1) Assessment 2) Intervention 3) Close up

Assessment Stage Goal: Obtain information to adapt program to client company Meeting with managers and supervisors Find out about their expectations Obtain descriptions about participants’ positions, their tasks and the typical difficult conversations they are exposed with. How have they tried to help employees to deal with difficult conversations? Learn about the company’s culture

Intervention Stage Framework: Three group meetings. 1st: 3hours, 30 min. 2nd and 3rd: 2 hours. Between 8 and 20 participants recommended In company or at a place outside of the company Combination of theory and exercises

Intervention Stage Description of each of the meetings

First meeting “Improving our communication skills” 15 minutes talk to show: - Most problems are related to communication - Communication problems increase stress and reduce effectiveness - Communication and its consequences are manageable - Improving communication skills may help Theory exposition Based on ideas of D.Stone, B.Patton & S. Heen Members of the Project of Negotiation of the University of Harvard (“Difficult Conversations”. Viking publication, N.Y. USA)

What is a “difficult conversation”? Any conversation in which we have to talk about something that is uncomfortable (the topic is the problem) Any conversation in which we have difficulties in the interaction (the relationship is the problem) Definition

The structure of conversations WHAT IS NOT SAID Thoughts Feelings WHAT IS SAID Principal contents

1)Level of subjects – contents – issues (the different stories) 2) Level of feelings (how do I manage the strong feelings involved?) 3) Level of identities (what could all this say about me?) The 3 levels of conversations

Every difficult conversation involves getting mixed up in these three levels. Learning how to cope with the three levels effectively, will help us manage difficult conversations successfully. This might seem difficult, but it is easier than dealing with the consequences of not taking into account these three levels of conversations. Exercise: - In small groups, participants describe typical difficult conversations they have at their work. - They share ideas with the rest. The 3 levels of conversations

The belief that there is only one truth and that I own it. Not taking into account the other person´s point of view. Assuming that we know the other person´s intentions. Level of subjects – contents – issue Common mistakes

We discuss about who is right I am right!!! No, you are not But difficult conversations should never be about who is right or wrong. They should be about facts / different points of views / ideas / versions...

Consequences: 1- They filter (gently or in an explosive way) 2- They affect concentration 3- They increase (if they are negative) 4- They generate mistakes when interpreting the message 5- If the other person´s feelings are not taken into account, they will be obstacles for the conversation Level of feelings Principal mistake: We try to avoid them Common mistakes

We are worried about or attack one or more of the core identities: 1- AM I COMPETENT? 2- AM I A GOOD PERSON? 3- AM I WORTH BEING APPRECIATED? Level of identities Common mistakes

Some persons have more vulnerable identities YOU ARE WRONG!!! WRONG??? AM I INCOMPETENT? INCOMPETENT!!! WRONG??? AM I INCOMPETENT? INCOMPETENT!!!

1)Level of subjects – contents – issues Suppose: “Each one of us will have different information and perceptions about facts. Possibly there might be important things I might not know”. Goal: Listen and understand the other person’s story. Tips: Ask open questions – Repeat what the other person said – Avoid presenting conclusion as the truth – Use terms that take into account the recipient’s point of view. Managing the 3 levels of difficult conversations

2) Level of feelings Suppose: “Feelings are always there and they affect conversations” Goal: control feelings that might affect the conversation Tips: Identify your own feelings and control them - Identify other person’s feelings and recognize them. Managing the 3 levels of difficult conversations

3) Level of identities Suppose: “Aspects of my identity may be involved in this conversation, affecting what I say and how I say things”. Goal: Avoiding identity aspects to interfere in the conversation. Tips: Avoid using negative adjectives that might affect others. Try not to take words personally. What a person says, talks more about himself than about the others. Managing the 3 levels of difficult conversations

1) In small groups participants receive written difficult conversations. 2) Find out mistakes in each level. 3) Suggest a different way of managing the conversation based on the tips given. 4) Group discussion. Close up We give participants a written summary of the theory given. Introduction to next meeting: “Optimistic Thinking at Work”. Exercise

Second meeting “Optimistic Thinking at Work” Introduction: The way we think about situations affects behaviors and feelings. Failure in conversations may cause pessimistic thoughts and unhealthy behaviors. Advantages of optimistic thinking in personal and work life. Developing an optimistic thinking style improves resilience in the face of setbacks (M. Seligman). Brainstorming about the definition of optimism. “The tendency to think about adversity as specific, temporary and perceive it as a a challenge to improve”. Book: “Learned Optimism” – “Authentic Happiness” Martin Seligman.

When facing adversity: Pessimists Optimists - Lasts for ever - Lasts a defined period of time - Impacts whole life - Impacts a specific area of life - Is their own fault - Caused by internal and external factor Try to learn about mistakes How to build optimistic thinking?

Exercise  We ask participants to form groups.  Each group receives a written page with a case example.  Participants read the case.  They identify pessimistic thoughts of the three dimensions.  Transform pessimistic thoughts into optimistic ones.

What to do? When a difficult conversation takes place, results are not the desired ones and you feel frustrated, try to: 1) Define as specifically as possible the length of time adversity will last. It may help to ask yourself: How many hours, days, months, years? Have I or someone I know been in this situation before? Which was its length?

2) Try to define as specifically as possible in which areas of your life the adverse event impacts. It may help to ask yourself: Does this event impact my whole life? Does it impact my professional carreer? Which specific area does it affect (if any)? What to do?

3) Try to define as specifically as possible which are the external and internal causes of the event. External: the other persons characteristics, type of subject, lack of resources, company policies, etc. Internal: not taking into account the other persons feelings, point of view, some specific tip about how to manage difficult conversations. Close up and introduction to next meeting What to do?

Third Meeting “Healthy habits to improve resilience” Introduction: Being exposed to difficult conversations frequently, generates high levels of pressure and stress. Healthy habits increase energy and resistance to cope with pressures and help reduce tensions. Healthy habits lead to physical and psychological wellness (Kenneth M. Nowack).

Healthy habits Habits that build resilience Exercise Healthy / balanced food Sleep / rest Daily routines that reduce tension Positive after work activities / social support

Exercise In small groups, participants describe their own routines for: 1) Waking up in the morning and going to work 2) Lunch time 3) End of work day an return home Discussion about how we can use these routines to increase or reduce tensions Close up

Close up stage Closure meeting with managers and supervisors We give feedback about results of the program Suggest organizational changes when pertinent Hand in an evaluation form that must be completed by participants.

Results Workers’ compensation insurance company Participants: 50 case managers Evaluation form: 1) Was the meeting “Improving our Communication Skills” useful to manage difficult conversations better at work? 2) Were the optimistic thinking techniques useful to deal with the consequences of difficult conversations that did not succeed? 3) Have you experienced personal changes due to participating in this training program? Which ones?

Results 1) Was the meeting “Improving our Communication Skills” useful to manage difficult conversations at work better?

Results 2) Were the optimistic thinking techniques useful to deal with the consequences of difficult conversations that did not succeed?

Results 3) Have you experienced personal changes due to participating in this training program? 60 % Yes - 25 % No - 15 % Not sure Which ones? - “I felt better when I realized I obtained better results” - “I calm down faster” - “I am trying to identify my feelings and this helps for personal conversations also”. - “I realize that if I fail once that doesn’t mean the end of the world” - “I am less negative than before” - “I try to learn something from my mistakes” - “I talk and laugh more with my co-workers” -“I’m planning to see my friends more frequently after work” -“I pay more attention to other aspects of my life that are OK”

THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Contact information: Andrea Lardani: Eduardo Lambardi: Telephone: ( )