The How of Happiness Based on the research of Sonja Lyubomirsky

What would make you happier? Jot yours down….. Relationship? Looking younger? A new job? An extra bedroom? A more attractive spouse? A baby? Losing Weight? Relief from your backache? Your child excelling in school? Knowing what you really want to do with your life? More Money?

Think of your three happiest moments of your whole life

What Determines Happiness? 50% Genetics

3 Reasons to be pessimistic about increasing happiness 1. We’re all born with a genetically-determined “set point” for happiness – Research from behavioral genetics compares identical twins raised apart. 2. Happiness is a life-long trait – Like a personality, happiness shows stability across your lifetime. If it’s part of personality, can we still change it?

3. “Hedonic Adaptation” – We adapt to all things positive We are good at adapting to and getting used to changes over time. (Study of 2,000 Germans before, during and after marriage. The “Marital boost” lasted about two years, and then people returned to their set point.)

10% Circumstances: Wealth, beauty, health, marriage, prestige, power, etc. “We’re running faster and faster, but we seem to end up in exactly the same place.” --the Red Queen, in “Through the Looking Glass.”

So Why Bother???

40% Unexplained positive behaviors we can do. Think of your happiest moments. What are the common denominators?

40% is a LOT to mess with! Happiness behaviors can be cultivated!

Research Shows that Happy People: Nurture and enjoy their social relationships Are comfortable expressing gratitude Are often the first to help others Practice optimism about the future Savor pleasures and live in the present moment Make physical activity a habit

Are often spiritual or religious Are deeply committed to meaningful goals Happy people tend to do these things. Happiness is about ways we act and think and goals we follow

Happiness Behaviors Expressing Gratitude Cultivating Optimism Avoiding Overthinking and Social Comparison Practicing Acts of kindness Nurturing Relationships Developing strategies for Coping Learning to forgive Doing more activities that truly engage you Savoring life’s joys Committing to your Goals Practicing religion and Spirituality Taking Care of your Body

225 Studies on the Benefits of Happiness: Happy People: Are more productive at work and more creative Make more money and have superior jobs Are better leaders and negotiators Are more likely to marry and to have fulfilling marriages, and less likely to divorce Have more friends and social support Have stronger immune systems, are physically healthier, and even live longer Are more helpful and philanthropic Cope better with stress and trauma

Expressing Gratitude Promotes the savoring of positive life experiences Bolsters self worth and self esteem Helps people cope with stress and trauma Encourages moral behavior Helps build social bonds, strengthening existing relationships and nurturing new ones Inhibits envious comparisons with others Helps us thwart Hedonic adaptation

How to Practice Gratitude Gratitude Journal Think about your objects of Gratitude Keep the strategy fresh Express gratitude directly - conversations, letters Naikan Practice

Cultivating Optimism Not only about celebrating the present and the past but anticipating a bright future “Big Optimism” “Little Optimism” Optimism has to do with the way we explain events to ourselves – attribution. Depressed people ruminate and make things pervasive, personal and permanent.

Practicing Optimism Best Possible future self exercise – Imagine yourself in the future, after everything has gone as well as it possible could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all your life goals. Think of this as the realization of your life dreams and of your own best potentials. -- randomly assigned subjects experienced increase in positive moods several weeks later and reported fewer physical ailments several months later.

Best Possible Selves diary Goals and sub goals diary Identify barrier thoughts – put a penny in a jar every time you have a pessimistic thought. Replace that thought with a more charitable or favorable thought Make “kind guesses” -- what else could this situation or experience mean? -- Can anything good come from it? --Does it present any opportunities for me? --What lessons can I learn and apply to the future? --Did I develop any strengths as a result?

Practicing Optimism through writing Enables you to recognize that it is in your power to transform yourself and to work toward valued goals. Writing is highly structured so it prompts you to organize and integrate and analyze your thoughts together in a coherent manner. Opportunity to learn about yourself, your priorities, emotions, identity, etc.

Optimistic thinking: Confidence prompts investing effort More likely to persevere Prompts us to engage in active and effective coping. Optimists maintain better mental health even in times of stress (Optimistic women less likely to be depressed following childbirth) Promotes positive mood and high morale Less depression and anxiety

Optimism is not self deception. It is about choosing to punctuate a situation positively. Research shows that optimists are more, not less, vigilant of risks and threats. It's not about blinders. “Flexible optimism” does not mean that we don’t own up or have clear sight when the situation calls for it.

Avoiding Over thinking and Social Comparison Over thinking (ruminating) ushers in a host of adverse consequences: It sustains or worsens sadness, fosters negatively biased thinking, impairs a person’s ability to solve problems, saps motivation and interferes with concentration and initiative.

In 15 Seconds Complete the Following Words

DU __ __ __ __SER I __ __ __T E __ __ __ __ __ __ __

People recently told they “failed” a fake laboratory experiment were more likely to fill in the blanks with: DUMB LOSER IDIOT EMBARASS

Social Comparison Distract yourself from such thinking – redirect your attention Act to solve problems Dodge over thinking triggers – learn relaxation/meditation Control what you can

Investing in Social Connections