Love the One You’re With Chapter 3 Love the One You’re With

The Evolution of Love Helen Fisher broke down love into three categories for evolutionary purposes Lust: drives reproduction Love: affection and resources shared with 1 partner Attachment: parental care for young Photo by Valeria C Preisler Photo by Crawford Wilson III Photo by Dianna Mullet

Finding Mr. Right Most future partners are 2-3 degrees removed from one another The National Survey of Health and Social Life or “Chicago Sex Survey” reveals: 68% of people were introduced to their spouse by a common acquaintance 32% met via “self-introduction” • 53% of one-night-stands were introduced by someone else Photo by Wonderlane

Finding Mr. Right If there are one million compatible people for you in the world that’s 1 in 6,000 people who could be your potential “Mr. Right”…..Sound daunting? The dispiritingly unromantic conclusion is that you will never find your one true soul mate… That’s were social networks come in Photo by Dieter Drescher

Help I Need Somebody! If you are single and know 20 people, and each of those 20 know 20 others, and each of those 20 know 20 more, then…… 20 x 20 x 20 = 8,000 social contacts (for a total of 8,420 within 3 degrees). One of those is probably your future spouse.

Finding Mr. Right Friends and family are efficient matchmakers because they can judge the compatibility of the two parties Photo by Mike Ortiz

Perfect for One Another Homogamy: tendency of like to marry like 72% of marriages exhibit homogamy Once married, spouses become even more similar due to influence Photo by Alfred Liu Photo by Johey24, Flikr Photo by Tripu, Flikr Photo by Bradley P Johnson

Why? People are envious… Big Fish, Little Pond People often care more about their relative standing in the world than their absolute standing Why? People are envious… Photo by Keven Law Photo by TomSaint11

Big Fish, Little Pond In an experiment testing the relative standing phenomenon in the workplace: The majority of people involved said they would rather earn a $33,000 salary with everyone else getting $30,000 than earn $35,000 and have fellow colleagues earn $38,000 Photo by Seer Snively

Big Fish, Little Pond In a similar experiment dealing with attractiveness, participants were asked which state was more desirable: A: Your physical attractiveness is 6; others average 4. B: Your physical attractiveness is 8; others average 10. 75% of people preferred A 93% of Harvard Grads preferred A Photos by Steve Garfield, Cyril Attias & Fiona Bird, Flikr Relative Standing is key to Sex Appeal

Everyone Else is Doing It Social Networks affect our relationships by: Influencing perceptions and opinions Dictating our position in the network and relative standing Example: “Indirect Mate Choice”: the tendency to choose a partner based on what others value Photo by Pedro Simoes

Marry Me? Marriage produces health benefits…. Counter arguments: Photos by Allard, Flikr and Mike Baird Counter arguments: unhealthy people are less likely to get married and healthier are more likely (also homogamy – the fit marry the fit) “joint unfavorable environment”: both wife and husband were exposed to something that made them more likely to die So? Which comes first, better health or marriage?

Grooms Gain More Being married adds 7 years to a man’s life and 2 to a woman’s Why? Emotional support which has biological and psychological benefits (lower heart rate, improved immune function, etc.) Economies of Scale (combined income=more money) Photo by Ed Yourdon

Grooms Gain More When men get married there is a sharp and dramatic decline in their risk of death (women do not experience as much of an immediate benefit)

Grooms Gain More Changes in Men: Elimination of “stupid bachelor tricks” Receive support and connection to broader social networks via their wives Photo by Kevin Lim Photo by Fabio Lone Photo by David Clow

Dying of a Broken Heart The Widowhood Effect: After a wife dies, a husband has a 30%-100% higher mortality rate in the first year of widowhood Risk of heart attack rises after death of spouse Photo by Avoir Chaud Black couples or men married to black women do not experience the widowhood effect!