Be A Mentor, Inc. Prospective Mentors’ Training 714 B street, Hayward CA, (510)

Training Guidelines  Maintain Confidentiality  Be here now: Turn off cell phones  Respect differences  Refer back to Resource Folder  HAVE FUN!!!

What is today’s training about?  Better understand issues and factors facing youth today.  Understand the role of a mentor.  Understand and demonstrate practices of a skilled mentor.

Personal goal(s) for tonight  Please share with your “buddy” one or more personal goals you have for tonight’s training experience  Please listen to and remember your “buddy’s” personal goals and  Make it your responsibility to help him/her achieve those goals tonight

Finding the right Mentor Project and Mentee for You  Mentors must first finish Clearance process  Mentors are interviewed  Youth are interviewed and Volunteer to be mentored  Mentee and family complete paperwork  Match Meeting is held  Every Mentor receives a Login ID/Password  Monitor the quality of the Match

Mentoring Projects (con’d) OAKLAND & RICHMOND East Bay Mentoring Partnership (OJJDP) Ages 11 – 15-yrs-old, both boys & girls, school dropout preventionAges 11 – 15-yrs-old, both boys & girls, school dropout prevention Begin matching in August/September, 2013Begin matching in August/September, 2013 Experimental study commitmentExperimental study commitment 1-year, minimum (wish for 3 years or more) in match1-year, minimum (wish for 3 years or more) in match Afterschool and community- based optionsAfterschool and community- based options If can’t commit to extra training & support, other, limited, same age/gender options.If can’t commit to extra training & support, other, limited, same age/gender options.

When you were 11 – 13-yrs-old…  1) If you had a mentor, how did that experience impact you?  2) Or, if you did not have a mentor, what did you wish you had had a mentor for or how would having a mentor have helped you?  Practice Active Listening (paraphrasing, summarizing, reflecting) with your partner.

Why Youth Need Mentors  Peer pressure  Substance abuse  Sexuality  Social skills  Child abuse  Family violence  Anger management  Depression/Suicide  Nutrition & Health  Home pressure  Goal-setting/Role- Model  Part-time work  Failing grades  Absenteeism

From The Kid’s Eyes! 1) Who was it that you wanted to “be like” when you were a kid? 2) Whose advice did you listen to? Why?  Practice Active Listening: (mirroring, empathetic or encouraging responses, open- ended questions)

Our Youth Say a Mentor…  Is easy to talk to  Is a role model/ someone to look up to  Is a friend  Shows us new things  Is not a parent  Does not judge us  Is understanding  Is real (authentic)  Is FUN!  Won’t stay mad  Has knowledge  Encourages us  Listens to us  Is open-minded  Is empathetic  Is trustworthy  Gives guidance  Respects us  Tells the truth

Role of the Mentor  Academic help  Goal-setting  Career exploration assistance  Emotional support  Exposure to new things

Safety Tips for Urban Mentors  Gang activity is not always about skin color, but can be about which neighborhood they are from. Find out about gang/neighborhood boundaries, settings that are “safe” and those that aren’t, and what “lines” not to “cross,” what places not to go  Talk with Coordinators, police, mentee and mentee’s family, before venturing “out” across “lines”

Has your “Buddy” met his/her Goals for tonight?  If not, how will you support him/ you support him/ her to do that her to do that before the end of before the end of the training? the training?  If yes, how do you know? you know?

Stages in a Relationship – It’s a Rollercoaster Ride! “Honeymoon” Period Trust Friendship Testing “Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.”

Stages in Mentoring Relationship Loops, spirals, recurring; not linear! Testing Trust Friendship “Honeymoon period”- 

What was your “home” culture, age 13, 7 th grade? Describe “Dinner time,” after school to bedtime, weeknight, mid-week, school night: who, what, when, where? Who cooks? Who cleans up? What kind of food? Where does eating occur? Who talks? Who listens? About what? Discussion topics (if any)? Decisions? By whom? About what? Atmosphere? TV off or on? Music? Radio? Prayers? Home language(s)? Noise level? Homework (where, when, any done)? “Family time”? What, who, why, where?

What values does a “home” culture demonstrate?  What do the adults believe?  What do the adults want with/from the children?  What about: religion, education, nutrition/food, silence/noise, togetherness/individuality, communication, schedules?  Aspects of your culture that you are most proud of  Aspects of your culture you are least proud of

Culture  Our communities are culturally and ethnically diverse.  Culture includes customs and values, and how needs are met.  Culture is a set of mental rules for survival and success that a particular group of people have developed.

Culture Cultures are multifaceted: Family structure, religion/ spirituality, language, the arts, parenting practices, concepts of growth, rituals, aging, & death Goal of mentoring is to create inclusion: You feel valued and respected by me, and I feel valued and respected by you.

Pre-Adolescent/Adolescent Development  Review Handout: become familiar with these aspects/ familiar with these aspects/ characteristics characteristics  Realize no one develops “evenly” “evenly”  Effects of trauma on development development  Adjusting expectations according to your experiences according to your experiences with an individual, not a with an individual, not a chart or graph chart or graph

Confidentiality  When do I break it?  How should I break it?  Mandatory Reporters: who are they?

Using “I-Statements” to Communicate Neutrally “I feel _____________ (an emotion, a feeling, not a thought)….. “When ______________ (a behavior or event the other person did/has created)… “Because _________ (how it affects you negatively, how it bothers or upsets you) “So, I wish ________ (a specific request for a change in behavior or circumstances able to be accomplished by the other person).”

Why start with “I”? When else to use “I-Statements”?

Guidelines for Difficult Situations  Discuss the problem.  Think beforehand about what you want to what you want to accomplish. accomplish.  Bring things up early in visit.  Separate the behavior from  the person.  Stay serious but supportive.  Discuss sensitive issues in a private place. private place.  Consider relating something personal. personal.  Reinforce something positive about your Mentee. positive about your Mentee.

TOP 8 Mentoring Mistakes 1.Doesn’t maintain or blurs boundaries blurs boundaries 2.Sporadic meetings 3.Authority figure/Transform Mentee intention intention 4.Expects equal participation 5.Imposes personal values 6. Does not ask for help 7. Expects gratitude 8. Gives cash, used items, expensive gifts gifts

Skills of an Effective Mentor Keeps Relationship Alive Involves Youth in Decisions Respects Youth’s Viewpoints Communicates Constantly Allows Youth to Make Mistakes An Effective Mentor Is Committed Separates Expectations

Final Check-in on “Buddy’s” Goals  Did your “Buddy” reach his/her Goals tonight? Why or why not?  How did you help your “Buddy”?  How does this experience relate to being a Mentor?

Mentor Commitment  Averaging once-a- week visits week visits  Weekly telephone contact  Keeps contact with parents  Attends Mentor events (Support mtgs)  At least one year of meetings

Thank You for Coming!  Please, Help Make Us Better!  Take a few minutes to fill out an evaluation

Mentoring Projects  OAKLAND: 5 th -Grade Boys to Men of Color, “proficient” to above-average achievers, school retention/graduation support through middle school, currently matching5 th -Grade Boys to Men of Color, “proficient” to above-average achievers, school retention/graduation support through middle school, currently matching  RICHMOND: Mentor Richmond, ages Mentor Richmond, ages Afterschool & community-based options for both