Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Chapter Six Love, Attraction, Attachment, and Intimate Relationships

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Characteristics of Love Caring Trust Companionship Affection Happiness Security

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Historical and Contemporary Conceptions of Love Buddhist Self-love Creative spiritual attainment Greek and Hebrew Phileo Agape Eros Medieval Europe Economics to Romance

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love - 1 Intimacy: Emotional connectedness or bondedness Passion: Romantic feelings and physical sexual desire Commitment: Desire to maintain the relationship

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love - 2 Types of Love - 1 Nonlove: Absence of all three components Liking: Intimacy without passion or commitment Infatuation: Passion without intimacy or commitment Romantic love: Intimacy and passion without commitment

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love - 3 Types of Love – 2 Companionate love: Intimacy and commitment without passion Fatuous love: Passion and commitment without intimacy Empty love: Commitment without passion or intimacy Consummate love: Combination of intimacy, passion, and commitment

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Styles of Love From Hendrick and Hendrick (1992) based on Lees styles: Eros: Passionate love Ludus: Game-playing love Storge: Friendship; companionate love Pragma: Pragmatic and practical love Mania: Manic, jealous, obsessive love Agape: Selfless, idealistic love Love as a Story

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Attraction and Mate Selection - 1 Cultural Factors in Mate Selection Endogamy The cultural expectation to marry within ones own social group, e.g., within ones race, religion, and social class. Exogamy The cultural expectation to marry outside ones own family group.

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Attraction and Mate Selection - 2 Sociological Factors in Mate Selection Homogamy theory Theory that individuals are attracted to and become involved with those who have similar characteristics. Homogamous factors Race Age Education Social Class Physical Appearance Marital Status Religion Love Story Homogamy Personality Attachment

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Attraction and Mate Selection - 3 Psychological Factors in Mate Selection Complementary-needs theory O ne tends to select mates whose needs are opposite and complementary to ones own needs. Exchange theory Partners select each other on the basis of who offers the greatest rewards at the lowest cost.

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Attraction and Mate Selection - 4 Principle of least interest The person who has the least interest in a relationship controls the relationship. Relationships with Primary Caregivers A man looks for a wife who has similar characteristics to those of his mother, and a woman looks for a husband who is very similar to her father.

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Attraction and Mate Selection - 5 Desired Personality Characteristics for a Potential Mate Desired characteristics identified by both men and women are identical: Mutual attraction (love), Dependable character, Emotional stability/maturity, Pleasing disposition.

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Commitment and Love in Intimate Relationships - 1 Commitment in Relationships Friends with benefits: Nonromantic friends who have a sexual relationship Plural marriages: One husband and two or more wives

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Commitment and Love in Intimate Relationships - 2 Similarities between Love and Sex Represent intense feelings Involve physiological changes Have a cognitive component May be expressed in various ways Need increases with deprivation

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Commitment and Love in Intimate Relationships - 3 Differences between Love and Sex Love is crucial for happiness; sex is important Love is pervasive; sex is localized Love is more selective than sex Personal choices: Sex with or without love?

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Challenges to Intimate Relationships - 1 Jealousy An emotional response to a perceived or real threat to an important or valued relationship. Desirable and undesirable outcomes Guilt Sexual guilt: Personal emotional reaction to engaging in sexual behavior that violates personal sexual values.

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Challenges to Intimate Relationships - 2 Unrequited Love/Sexual Rejection When love is unrequited, it can result in negative emotions. Obsessive relational intrusion (ORI) Behavior pursued by a stranger or an acquaintance who repeatedly invades ones physical or symbolic privacy in their attempts to have an intimate relationship.

Copyright Atomic Dog Publishing, 2004 Challenges to Intimate Relationships - 3 Stalking An extreme form of ORI that may involve following or watching a victim, property damage, threats, home invasion, or threats of physical harm