1. Chapter 6: Love and Loving

2. Love is a Cultural Experience
Collectivist Cultures
Goals of whole society are given priority over individual goals
Members strive to be equal
Behavior is driven by sense of obligation and duty
Latinos value interdependent relationships
Asians emphasize importance of collective whole

3. Love is a Cultural Experience
Individualist Cultures
Individual goals are promoted over group goals
People define their identity by personal attributes
Wealth
Social status
Education level
Promote the idea of autonomy and individuation

4. History of Love and Romance
Ancient History
Examples of love and romance
Adam and Eve
Gilgamesh – 2000 BCE
King Solomon – 970 BCE
Account of love and romance between bride and groom
Greeks – 450 BCE
Love was bittersweet emotion

5. History of Love and Romance
Middle Ages and Renaissance
True era of romance, courtship
16th century love viewed as physical union
Coming to America
Puritans were romantic lovers
Expected sex within marriage

6. History of Love and Romance
Back in Europe
Victorian Era ( )
Attitudes towards sexuality were stuffy
Ideal of love promoted couple togetherness
Romantic Love
20th century saw social change
Emancipation of women
Romantic attraction became accepted

7. What is love? Greek definitions Eros: sexual, physical components
Philos: brotherly love
Agape: self sacrificing, spiritual

8. What is love? Love as a prototype – Beverley Fehr Prototype is a model
Twelve central features of love
Love maps – John Money
Present an ideal image of love
Shaped by experiences in infancy and childhood

9. Table 6.1: Fehr’s Twelve Central Features of Love

10. What is love? Passionate love
Infatuation: intense, extravagant, short-lived passion for the other person
Simple infatuation: a physical attraction
Infatuation as Romance
Romantic infatuation: romantic love
Foolish, unreasoning passionate attraction

11. What is love? Passionate love
Intense longing for the selected love object
Emotional manifestations
Idealizing the romantic partner
Intense sexual attraction
Surge of self confidence
Adoration of the love interest
Fatuous relationships end as quickly as they began

12. Table 6.2: The Passionate Love Scale

13. What is love? Infatuation as Limerence Similar to romantic love
Intrusive thoughts about love object
“Love sick”
Symptoms
Longing for reciprocation
Aching for the limerent object
Intense emotions

14. What is love? When limerence ends – three possibilities Consummation
Feelings have been reciprocated or there is mutual, lasting love
Starvation
Limerence is starved out of existence
Transformation
Limerence is transferred to new object

15. Companionate Love Deep, mature, affectionate attachment bonds
Less dominated by lust
Develops over time
Partners accept all of the failing, faults, shortcomings, etc
Liking – necessary ingredient

16. Expression of Love Triangular theory of love – Sternberg
8 different types of love relationships
Love relationships consist of:
Passion
Intimacy
Commitment

17. Figure 7.1: Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

18. Expression of Love Intimacy Feelings of closeness Connectedness
Bondedness
Self-disclosure
Respect
Trust
Builds slowly over time

19. Expression of Love Commitment
Loving another person and making a conscious decision to maintain that love over time
A deliberate choice
Being loyal to another individual

20. Expression of Love Passion Physical attraction Romantic feelings
Most intense and immediate component
Sexual consummation

21. Figure 6.2: Sternberg’s Love Types

22. Sternberg’s Eight Love Types
Nonlove – absence of intimacy, commitment and passion
Empty love – void of passion and intimacy, commitment is the only element
Liking – intimacy is the sole element in this type, no passion or commitment
Infatuated love – consists of passion only, idealized love, relationships begin and end quickly

23. Sternberg’s Eight Love Types
Companionate love – combines intimacy and commitment, intimacy builds
Fatuous love – combines passion and commitment, relationship lacks intimacy
Romantic love – intimacy and passion with sexual attraction and arousal
Consummate love – combines all three elements of love-intimacy, commitment and passion

24. Developing Love – First Experience
Altruistic love – love parents give their child, promotes the well being of one with no expectation of reciprocity
Intrinsic rewards – joy, satisfaction, contentment, pleasure, gratification

25. Reciprocity and Love
Interdependent love – love is a give and take process, requires give and take and changes over time
Attachment – emotional bond that binds a child to the parent, begins in infancy and influences personality

26. Attachment Types
Secure attachment – maintain close relationships with one another
Avoidant attachment – seldom find real love, uncomfortable when too emotionally or physically close to another person
Anxious/Ambivalent attachment – insecure, constantly afraid partner doesn’t love them

27. The Genogram
Used to understand the transmission of relational behaviors from one generation to the next
Diagrams with various figures are used to illustrate relationships between family members

28. Figure 6.4A: Basic Genogram Symbols

29. Figure 6.4B Genogram Symbols for Relationship Dynamics

30. Lee’s Six Types of Love Styles
Eros – erotic lovers are passionate and romantic and seek out passionately expressive lovers
Ludus – playful, carefree and casual lovers who do not care as much about commitment as they do about playing the game of love

31. Lee’s Six Types of Love Styles
Storge – love that is based on friendship or affection between friends, love grows over time
Manic – jealous lovers, everything is in chaos, highs are high and lows are low, relationships are like a roller coaster ride

32. Lee’s Six Types of Love Styles
Pragma – pragmatic, weigh the costs and benefits of the relationship
Agape – selfless, enduring, other-centered love, provides intrinsic satisfaction without reciprocity

33. Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love
Four Processes
1. rapport – establish rapport, usually with someone like us
2. self-revelation – self-disclosure about goals and dreams
3. mutual dependency – relationship deepens, and couple relies on one another
4. Personality need fulfillment – established pattern of exchange and support

34. Figure 6.5 Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love

35. Love Economic Model
Based on the assumption that people are rational decision makers and as a result compare the costs and benefits of falling in love and being in love
Sex and commitment are the only differences between friendship and love

36. Table 6.3: Love Economics Translations

37. Benefits of Love Emotional needs
Self esteem, social needs, spiritual needs
Entertainment needs
Social aspects of day-to-day living
Materialistic needs –
Required for survival and happiness,
Food shelter and clothing

38. Costs of Love Search cost – ability to attract potential partners
Rejection costs – rejection sensitivity, immunity to rejections and emotional costs of rejections
Maintenance costs – emotional costs and time costs in finding right person

39. Costs of Love
Breakup risk includes determining the overall benefits with the partner
Breakup costs – emotional costs, financial costs and the search cost to find someone else