Parenting: Toddlers-teens

The Parents’ Role: Overall goals of DISCIPLINE Teach appropriate behavior Provide children with skills (social knowledge) Punishment tells you what NOT to do; guidance and discipline tell you what TO do (e.g., “Stop running!” vs. “Walk!”

Key (but often forgotten) aspects of effective discipline Consistency Warm parent-child relationship Explanations (rationale) Induction/empathy Positive Discipline (8:1 ratio for positive: negative words/actions)

The Parents’ Role: What to do for discipline? How to do time outs CORRECTLY Time-outs (or time-ins?) Withdrawal of privileges Positive discipline

What happens with inconsistent discipline?

What if my strategies don’t work? What to do then? Stay calm and objective Pick battles carefully Acknowledge child’s feelings (e.g., “You are upset that we can’t stay longer.”) Specifically state rules that were violated Joint attention Logical consequences Comments directed toward behavior “I” statements (“I can’t hear you when you whine.”/“I don’t like to hear that word.”)

What else? (especially for younger children) Make use of slow transitions (“In five minutes (five fingers) we are going to eat lunch.”) Use signals, non-verbal cues (“big eyes”, finger to lips for quiet) Teach cause and effect (“When you yell, it wakes the baby.”) Keep kids busy! Go outside. Create routines

What else? (particularly for younger children) Redirect child’s behavior Ignore the behavior Praise alternative actions Give choices (“Do you want the blue or red cup?”)

What else? Request words, discussion (“Use your words.”) Provide a physical outlet (all ages!) Avoid using “you” (“You are too loud.” “Why can’t you listen?”) Encourage airing of viewpoints (within reason) Explain the rules! Make life at home fun Prepare in advance for difficult situations Promise and provide one-on-one time (all ages!) Stay one step ahead Other suggestions?

How to talk to children Don’t be too polite (e.g., Sweetie, would you mind putting the hamster down, please?) -issue clear commands instead (e.g., “Put the hamster down please.”) Explain some, but not too much depending upon age and child (e.g., When you hit your brother, it makes him sad and it hurts his feelings-and his arm)

How to talk to children Don’t repeat yourself too much (e.g., I’ve told you a thousand times to clean up your room!”) Don’t be so loud/yell (e.g., “I SAID STOP RUNNING AND COME OVER HERE NOW!”) Stay calm and cool-say it once or twice