ACTIVE LISTENING Give TIME and FULL attention Acknowledge feelings – SHOW you understand Accept - be curious – ask open questions Put their thoughts and feelings into words – hearing it reflected gives them perspective Allow them an opportunity to solve the problem
Oh no, I forgot to do my science homework… My friends are ignoring me on facebook…
Task orientated communication What stops YOU listening?
WHERE? Communicate from close by – don’t shout from the next room Get down to the child’s height and make eye contact
HOW? Use an up-beat and encouraging tone Sound definite and confident Look definite and confident! To indicate disapproval, use a firmer, authoritative tone (but don’t shout)
THE WORDS YOU USE? Be polite – you are the role model Open your request with your child’s name Be positive (not negative) Make requests clear, short and specific Avoid phrasing that suggests cooperation is an option Use ‘I’ messages
ADVANCED SKILLS! Make a statement or give information Write a note – use humour Describe how you feel Offer a choice or give alternatives Use ‘when… then’ Close the discussion
AVOID! x ABC: Accusing, Blaming; Criticising x Ordering x Lecturing x Name calling, put downs x Threatening x Nagging x Losing it yourself!
If you could give your parents advice… Don’t say ‘You can tell me anything,’ then freak out and lecture us when we do. Don’t say things like ‘are you still on the computer?’ or ‘are you eating again?’ when you can see that we are. Parents should believe in us. Even if we do something wrong, it doesn’t mean we’re bad people. Even though your kids aren’t little anymore, tell them you love them.