10 P RINCIPLES O F P OSITIVE D ISCIPLINE A look at behavior in toddlers and preschoolers and 10 principles to help you deal with difficult behaviors -taken from Dr. Becky Bailey -Presented by Kellie Mulder

I NTRODUCTION Discipline is a process, not an event.

D ISCIPLINE VS P UNISHMENT Discipline: Intent to teach Consistent Based on love Focuses on cooperation Sets clear expectations Demonstrates positive behavior Focuses on what to do Emphasizes solutions Punishment: Expects child to get it right Emphasizes Blame Hurtful to child and self Focuses on what he/she didnt do Someone always loses Intent to feel bad/hurt Based on fear

P RINCIPLE #1: K NOW Y OUR C HILD What is temperament? The manner of thinking, behaving, or reacting characteristic of a specific person. 4 Temperaments: Sigher: Easygoing Trier: Patient, Persistent Crier: Cries, whines, gives up Flyer: Flies off in a rage

P RINCIPLE #2: K NOW W HAT I S N ORMAL Children turn fear into a game Preschoolers create their own reality Young children have immature inner speech DONT is a meaningless word Children can only see the world through their eyes

P RINCIPAL #3: A DULTS ARE A CCOUNTABLE A S M ODELS Anger is fear in disguise. When we become angry and fearful, we model the very behavior we are trying to eliminate. Screaming Be quiet Dont worry that your kids wont listen. Worry that they are watching you! –Robert Fulghum

P RINCIPLE #4: A DULTS MUST MAINTAIN SELF - CONTROL Know your hot-buttons Disrespect, whining, tattling, physical aggression, tantrums, lying, etc. Know (and PRACTICE!) how you will respond when your buttons are pushed. Parroting technique Honey, do we need some milk? Know how to calm yourself STAR- Stop, Take a deep breath, Relax Take a Mommy timeout Own your feelings Calming phrases I can do this I am safe Breathe

P RINCIPLE #5: A DULTS M UST S EE THE W ORLD F ROM THE C HILD S P OINT OF V IEW Two states of being: Calling for love In children- acting out behaviors, fighting, disrespect In adults- being argumentative, yelling, over-drinking, only talking about themselves. Extending love In children- showing affection, wanting adults to play/interact with them In adults- cooking dinner for significant other, giving a gift, calling a friend to see how theyre doing Is the child seeking information or understanding? Consider the level of emotion behind what is expressed.

P RINCIPLE #6: A DULTS M UST S PEAK C LEARLY AND A SSERTIVELY Three Forms of Communication Passive Aggressive Assertive Tell kids what to do rather than what not to do. Examples Dont touch Fold your hands in front of you. Dont run Walk Dont take that from her! Give the toy back to your sister. CPA Technique Clearly communicate what you want Provide positive choices to facilitate the process Acknowledge resistance with empathy Commands vs Requests Give Specific Praise!

P RINCIPLE #7: D ISCIPLINE IS AN O PPORTUNITY TO TEACH, NOT PUNISH In conflicts between kids, attend to the victim first, and the aggressor second To the victim: Did you like it? Go tell ___ I dont like it when you ___. To the aggressor: Positive Intent- You wanted ___ Unacceptable- You may not … Reason- _____ hurts/is not safe Explore alternatives- You may ___ or ____

P RINCIPLE #8: D EMANDS THAT THE ADULT BE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHILD 5 minutes of focused play each day reduces power struggles by 50%. Let the child lead. Get down on their level. Do hands- on, physical play! Laugh! Pretend. Provide kids with POSITIVE attention. Catch kids being good. Dont just say, Good job, youre being nice, give specific praise Look at you sharing with your sister by giving her a goldfish. You are so considerate.. At home, keep a post-it on the fridge with a tally. In the classroom, create a helpfulness tree.

P RINCIPLE #9: S EEK SOLUTIONS, NOT BLAME Create a climate where its okay to make mistakes. Show kids this by acknowledging your own mistakes. In conflict: Define the problem Seek solutions Give kids the chance to do this before immediately offering your own solution Restore Relationships

P RINCIPLE #10 C OMMUNICATE WITH THE INTENTION OF LOVE, NOT FEAR Believe the best about kids! Build their confidence by reassuring you will keep them safe and offer them support, even when they make mistakes.

C ONCLUSION Questions/Comments? What will you commit to working on, whether at home or in the classroom? Drawing Evaluations