1. Intimate Relationships and Communication Chapter 4 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

2. Developing Intimate Relationships Be willing to give of yourself Self-concept, self-esteem, and self-acceptance –Feel good about yourself –Have a healthy relationship with yourself –Roots of our identity and self are developed during childhood Relationships with parents and family members Gender role and communication –Cultural expectations Attachment 2 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

3. Friendship Characteristics of friendship: –Companionship –Respect –Acceptance –Help –Trust –Loyalty –Mutuality –Reciprocity 3 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

4. Love, Sex, and Intimacy Love encompasses opposites: –Affection and anger –Excitement and boredom –Stability and change –Bonds and freedom 4 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

5. Love, Sex, and Intimacy For most, love, sex, and commitment are closely linked –Love: positive factors that draw people together –Sex: excitement and passion, adds fascination and pleasure –Commitment: contributes to stability Other features of love: euphoria, preoccupation, idealization, devaluation, infatuation 5 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

6. Love, Sex, and Intimacy Strong relationships comprise: –Trust –Caring –Respect –Loyalty –Interest in the other –Concern for the other’s wellbeing 6 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

7. Love, Sex, and Intimacy Triangular theory of love –Intimacy: feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness –Passion: motivational drives, sexual attraction –Commitment: decision to stay together, with the ultimate goal of making long-term plans Different stages of love are based on different combinations of the three dimensions 7 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

8. The Triangular Theory of Love 8 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

9. The Pleasure and Pain of Love The pleasure and pain of love Passionate love –Recognize that human emotions have two components: Physiological arousal Emotional explanation for the arousal 9 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

10. The Transformation of Love All relationships change over time At first, high levels of passion and increased intimacy Reduction of intensity can lead to the development of a more enduring love 10 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

11. Challenges in Relationships Honesty and openness Emotional intelligence –Self-awareness, self-discipline, empathy –Mindfulness Unequal or premature commitment Unrealistic expectations –Expecting your partner to change –Assuming –Giving up autonomy/self-sufficiency CONTINUED… 11 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

12. Challenges in Relationships Competitiveness –Focus on the fun Balance of time together and apart Jealousy Supportiveness 12 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

13. Unhealthy Relationships Recognizing unhealthy relationships Ending a relationship –Guidelines for a breakup Give the relationship a fair chance Be fair and honest Be tactful and compassionate If you are the rejected person, make time for resolving your anger and pain Recognize the value in the experience 13 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

14. Communication Ability to interpret nonverbal messages –Attunement Digital communication and our social networks Communication skills –Self-disclosure –Listening –Feedback 14 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

15. Conflict and Conflict Resolution Conflict resolution skills are vital for maintaining intimate relationships –Clarify the issue –Find out what each person wants –Determine how you both get what you want –Decide how to negotiate –Solidify the agreements –Review and renegotiate 15 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

16. Pairing and Singlehood Choosing a partner –First attraction—observable characteristics Similarities: geography, ethnic and socioeconomic background, educational level, lifestyle, physical attractiveness, and other traits –After euphoria of romantic love, emphasis switches to values and future aspirations –Most important question: How much do we have in common? Differences add value, but similarities increase chances of success Acceptance and communication are key 16 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

17. Dating Different cultures have different rituals for finding a mate Narrowing the field of romantic partners –Casual dating –Getting together in groups –Exclusive dating For some, the trend is casual sexual activity without dating—hooking up 17 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

18. Online Relationships Advantages of connecting with people online: –Allows for relaxed communication –Easier; less investment –Can get to know someone from home, set your own pace, start and end relationship at any time Disadvantages –Misrepresentation –Greater tendency to idealize online partners because people reveal only what they want –Remove chemistry and intuition from the process 18 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

19. Living Together Cohabitation –By age 30 half of all men and women have cohabited –Greater acceptance Advantages –Autonomy –Fewer obligations than marriage Disadvantages –Legal protections absent –Less stable 19 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

20. Same-Sex Partnerships Most people look for love in a committed relationship, regardless of sexual orientation –Differences between straight and gay relationships Homosexual relationships are more egalitarian Same-sex partners must deal with societal attitudes –Homophobia 20 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

21. Singlehood Growing number of single people –Changing views on singlehood –Delayed age for marrying –Cohabitation –Divorce Advantages: career and personal development; freedom Disadvantages: lack of companionship; economic hardships 21 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

22. Marital Status of the U.S. Population Aged 15 Years and Older, 2011 22 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

23. Marriage The benefits of marriage Issues and trends in marriage –Realistic expectations –Feeling good about the personality of your mate –Partners develop friendships with other couples –Communication and conflict resolution –Religious and ethical values –Egalitarian role –Good balance of individual and joint interests The role of commitment 23 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

24. Separation and Divorce High rates of divorce… Why? –High expectations for emotional fulfillment and satisfaction in marriage –Lack of belief in permanence of marriage 24 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

25. Separation and Divorce Process of divorce –Emotional separation is the first step –Physical separation next –Greatest stress-producing event next to the death of a spouse or family member –Recovery from divorce takes 1–3 years –Other issues Effect on children Remarriage 25 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

26. Percentage of Separated and Divorced Americans, 2011 26 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

27. Becoming a Parent Birth of a first child is one of the most stressful transitions for any couple –Marital roles tend to become more traditional Parenting styles vary –Demandingness –Responsiveness Types of parenting styles –Authoritarian –Authoritative –Permissive (or indulgent) –Uninvolved 27 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

28. Single-Parent Families Single-parent families –27% of all children under 18 live with only one parent Difficulties in single parenting –Economic –Conflicting demands Single fatherhood Children from single-parent families 28 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

29. Stepfamilies Three out of four divorced women and four out of five divorced men will remarry If either partner brings children from a previous marriage, the family is blended –Should not be expected to duplicate the emotions and relationships of a primary family Healthy stepfamilies are less cohesive and more adaptable than healthy primary families –Allow for more individual differences 29 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

30. Successful Families Commitment Appreciation Communication Time together Spiritual wellness Stress and crisis management 30 Copyright © 2016 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.