1. Committed Romantic Relationships
Definition:
Relationship between individuals who assume that they will be primary and continuing parts of each others’ lives.
Key Points:
Voluntary (Western Culture)
Involve romantic/sexual feelings
Primary and Permanent

2. Dimensions of Romantic Relationships
Believed to consist of (3) dimensions:
Intimacy
Commitment
Passion

3. Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship Passion
Definition:
Describes intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for another person.
Examples of feeling:
Butterflies
Sparks
Being head over heals
*Not restricted to sexual feelings
*May involve emotional, spiritual and intellectual attraction
*Not primary foundation for most enduring romantic relationships
*Not the glue that holds romantic relationships together

4. Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship Commitment
Definition:
Intention/decision to remain involved with a relationship.
B) Determination to stay together despite troubles, disappointments, sporadic restlessness and lulls in passion.
Not the same as love
Love is a feeling based on the reward of our involvement with a person.
Strong relationship between commitment and investment
More investment = more commitment.
Involves accepting responsibility for maintaining a relationship
Act of will

5. Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship Commitment…Cont.
Two broad categories as to why people commit
1. Comfortable and Pleasing
Value Companionship
Emotional Support
Financial Assistance
2. Avoid Negative Consequences of Ending
Violating religious values
Family disapproval
Financial hardship

6. Dimensions of a Romantic Relationship Intimacy
Definition:
A) Feelings of closeness, connections and tenderness.
B) Abiding affection and warm feelings for another person.
Related to passion equals feelings
Link between intimacy and passion with commitment
Joins partners now into the future

7. Styles of love are like primary and secondary colors!
Eros
Storge
Ludus
Secondary:
Pragma
Mania
Agape

8. Styles of Love Primary Color: Eros
Eros – Powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically.
Intense
Most intuitive and spontaneous
Fastest moving
May include:
Sexual, spiritual, intellectual or emotional attraction or all of the above.

9. Styles of Love Primary Color: Storge
Storge (STORE-gay) – Comfortable even keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility.
Storge love:
Tends to develop gradually, peaceful and stable
Most cases: grows out of common interests, values and life goals.
Storge

10. Styles of Love Primary Color: Ludus
Ludus – Playful love
Ludus Lovers:
See love as a game
Like to play the field
Enjoy falling in love
Enjoy romance but not the settling
LUDUS

11. Styles of Love Secondary Color: Pragma
Pragma – Pragmatic or practical love
Between Primary Colors:
Ludus (stable) & Storge (Secure Love)
Clear criteria for lovers
Religious affiliation
Career
Family background
Not necessarily unfeeling/unloving
See practicality as foundation to tall in love
Pragma

12. Styles of Love Secondary Color: Mania
Mania – derives from Greek term theia mania, or “Madness from Gods”.
Between Primary Colors:
Eros (Passion) & Ludic (Play Rules)
May devise tests and games to evaluate commitment
Typically unsure of others love
Often experiences emotional extremes
May be obsessed about relationships

13. Styles of Love Secondary Color: Agape
Agape – Love others without expectation of personal gain or return.
Between Primary Colors:
Storge (Constancy) & Eros (Passion)
Generous
Selfless
Put loved ones first without expectations of reciprocation
Loving and giving is rewarding
**No one is purely agapic, but may have agapic tendencies.
Agape

14. Rules for figuring out your love style:
Most have a combination style
A primary and a secondary
Love styles are not permanent
We learn to love
Changes occur with more experiences in loving
Part of an overall interpersonal system
Affected by relationship aspects
Your partners will influence your own love style
Individual styles of love are not good or bad. What is important is the partners’ styles fitting together. 

15. The Development of Romantic Relationships
Three broad phases (Western Culture):
Growth
Navigation
Deterioration

16. The Development of Romantic Relationship Growth
There are six GROWTH stages:
Individuality
Invitational Communication
Explorational Communication
Intensifying Communication
Revising Communication
Commitment

17. Growth: Stage 1 Individuality:
Needs, goals, love styles, perceptual tendencies and qualities that affect what we ask for in relationships
People we choose may be influenced by aspect of ourselves

18. Growth: Stage 2 Invitational Communication: Three great influences
Self-concept
Men: Physical characteristics
Women: Qualities of personality
Proximity
Close in location or access (internet)
Similarities
Seeks partners with similar values, attitudes and lifestyles.

19. Growth: Stage 3 Explorational Communication: Exchanging information
People fish for common ground/interest
Typically done with a “pick-up” line

20. Growth: Stage 4 Intensifying Communication:
Intensifying (euphoria) and happiness
Can’t be together enough
Learning the other person
Agree on dating/going steady (official)
Couple Communication – language/nicknames
Overlooking/downplaying perfection

21. Growth: Stage 5 & 6 5. Revising Communication: Evaluation stage
Realization
*not always a step in the process
6. Commitment

22. The Development of Romantic Relationship Navigation
Navigation: the ongoing process of staying together despite obstacles.
Preventative maintenance and repair (auto terminology)
Continuously adjust, work through old and new problems

23. Navigation Continued Relational Culture Placemaking
Private world rules, understandings, meanings and patterns of acting and interpreting that partners create for their relationship.
Couples develop rules and rituals as to how to communicate anger, sexual interests or how to celebrate special occasions, birthdays and holidays.
Placemaking
Process of creating a comfortable personal environment that reflects the values, experiences and taste of the couple as one.

24. The Development of Romantic Relationship Deterioration
5 stage sequence
Intrapsychic Processes
Dissatisfaction of relationship
Dyadic Process
Breakdown of established patterns, rules and rituals that make the relational culture
Social Support
Phase of looking for support through friends and family
Grave-dressing Process
Burying the relationship and accepting the end
Resurrection Process
Moving on with other intimate relationships

25. Guidelines for Communicating in a Romantic Relationship
Engage in dual perspective
Getting to know the other person well and using that knowledge to guide the communication choices
Practice Safe Sex
Manage Conflict Constructively
Romantic relationships require special attentions
If not mastered, could lead to domestic violence
Adapt Communication to Maintain long-distance relationships
Three reasons they fail:
Lack of daily sharing
Unrealistic amounts of time together. (every moment should be perfect)
Unequal effort invested