WOULD YOU MARRY A PERSON IF THEY HAD ALL THE ATTRBUTES YOU WANTED IN A MATE, BUT YOU DID NOT LOVE HIM?
Love is new Marrying for love, rather than for other more practical reasons (e.g. economic, political, family) is a new concept. North Americans use romance as a reason to marry to an unprecedented degree.
History of Love Ancient Greece: passionate attraction was considered a form of madness. Instead, platonic love characterized by nonsexual adoration was considered ideal. 12 th Century: Courtly love – knights sought love as a noble quest. The knight was expected to be unmarried, and the female married to someone else. Marriage was not considered romantic, but instead a matter of politics and property.
Over the next 500 years Love is desirable, but usually doomed, because lovers have to marry other people. 17 th and 18 th Centuries: English began to believe that occasionally love can have a happy ending. Yet, the idea that one must feel love towards spouse was not widespread. Today: Love and marriage go together.
Types of Love: Triangular Theory (Sternberg) Three parts of love – Intimacy Passion Commitment These 3 components can vary in intensity.
Triangular Theory These three components can combine in different ways to make several different kinds of love. Nonlove: no intimacy, no passion, no comittment. Liking: Intimacy is high, passion and commitment are low. Infatuation: Strong passion, low intimacy, low commitment Empty love: Strong commitment, low intimacy, low passion Romantic love: High intimacy, high passion, commitment may or may not occur Companionate love: High intimacy, high commitment, low passion. Fatuous love: high passion, high commitment, low intimacy. Consummate love: all three are present in high levels.
Triangular Theory Amounts of components can change over time Passion is the most variable
Passion (Hatfield & Berscheid) Passionate love is arousal coupled with belief that another person is cause by arousal. Misattributions – excitation transfer. –Dutton & Aron Men who walked on the scary bridge used more sexual imagery in TAT and were more likely to call female research assistant. –White, Fishbein, & Rutstein High arousal intensified feelings Doesn’t matter what type of arousal it was (a description of a brutal murder, comedy film, but not boring description of a circulatory system of a frog)
Passionate Love and Thought Rubin’s love and liking scales If we have passion for someone, we think a lot about them Also, the more we think about someone, the more passion we start to have Passion makes us glorify and idealize partners (hence love is blind) –Goodwin, Fiske, Rosen, & Rosenthal
Passionate Love Men report higher passion in the beginning of relationships PEA (phenylethylamine) – a naturally occuring chemical related to amphetamines. –Is in chocolate –We become tolerant after 2 years
Passionate Love Does Not Last Fancy erodes with time and experience Novelty is exciting (Coolidge effect) Arousal fades as time goes by (PEA)
Companionate Love High intimacy, and high commitment More stable, but also a little more bland Couples who were asked why their marriages lasted for 15 years didn’t say they would do anything for their partners, or be miserable without them Of course, all these categories are fuzzy
Styles of Loving (Lee) Eros Ludus Storge Mania Agape Pragma Perhaps better to think of these as overlapping themes Which do you think men score higher in? Women?
Love and Age Age is confounded by experience or duration of marriage Older people may hold more romantic attitudes than younger people (Knox, 1970)
Love and Gender Men and women are more similar than different Men fall in love faster, more likely to think if you love someone, nothing else matters Women are more cautious, and more practical, and more selective about who they love (love partners who are more intelligent, have high status, and other desirable traits)