1. Chapter 3
American Ways of Love

2. Chapter Outline
The American Myth: Romantic Love Should Always Lead to Marriage
Defining Love
Love in Strong Families: Appreciation and Respect

3. Chapter Outline Learning to Love
Love over Time: From Passionate to Companionate Love
Love’s Oft-Found Companion: Jealousy

4. The American Myth: Romantic Love Should Always Lead to Marriage
Implies that love is the one indispensable ingredient that should determine whom and when a person marries.
A corollary to the myth states that love will overcome all, never mind the obstacles.
Because Americans tend to believe the romantic myth, numerous marriages have little other than love going for them and the union dissolves because the couple has no basis on which to build a lasting relationship.

5. Defining Love
The ancient Greeks divided love into a number of elements:
Ludus (game-playing love)
Storge (friendship love)
Mania (possessive/dependent love).

6. Defining Love
For the Greeks, the three most important types of love leading to more successful intimate relationships are:
Eros (carnal or physical love)
Agape (spiritual love)
Philos (brotherly or friendly love).

7. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Insert FIGURE 3-1 The Wheel as a Model of Love?

8. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 1 The Rapport Stage
Partners are struck by the feelings that they have known each other before.
They are comfortable with each other, and both want to deepen the relationship.
Discussion of previous figure?

9. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 2 The Self-revelation Stage
The partners share more intimate feelings.
This deepens the relationship because such sharing is only done with special people.
Self-disclosure is associated with increased commitment, mutual trust, and love.
Discussion of previous figure?

10. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 3 Mutual Dependence
As sharing becomes more intimate, a feeling of mutual dependence develops.
Falling in love provides a sense of very rapid expansion of the boundaries of self. There comes a feeling of loss when the partner is absent.
Discussion of previous figure?

11. The Wheel as a Model of Love
Stage 4 Intimacy
The partners experience more intimacy and need fulfillment as they deepen their relationship.
Discussion of previous figure?

12. The Triangle of Love
Insert The Triangle of Love, Figure 3.2?

13. Elements of Love Nonlove: Absence of all three elements.
Liking: Intimacy without passion or commitment.
Infatuation: Passion without intimacy or commitment.
Romantic love: Intimacy and passion without commitment .

14. Elements of Love
Companionate love: Intimacy and commitment without passion.
Fatuous love: Passion and commitment without intimacy.
Empty love: Commitment without passion and intimacy.
Consummate love: Combination of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

15. Theories on Love Romantic Love Infatuation Loving and Liking
The Double Cross
Love Is What You Make It

16. Love in Strong Families: Appreciation and Respect
In strong families where there is a mature loving relationship, the expression of appreciation permeates the relationship.
Mature love will always include appreciation of the loved ones, including the spouse, children, parents, grandparents, or simply good friends.

17. Negative Behavior
A vicious circle is a pattern of behavior in which a negative behavior provokes a negative reaction, which, in turn, prompts more negative behavior.

18. Socialization
The process of passing society’s values on to new members that begins at birth.

19. Developmental Stages Self-Love Stage: Infancy and Early Childhood
Parental Identification Stage: Early and Middle Childhood
Group Stage: Late Childhood and Preadolescence
Heterosexual Adult Stage

20. Jealousy
The state of being resentfully suspicious of a loved one’s behavior toward a suspected rival.

21. Quick Quiz

22. 1. Love that includes intimacy and commitment without passion is
Familial Love
Companionate Love
Empty Love
Liking

23. Answer: b
Companionate love is a strong bond that includes intimacy and commitment without passion .

24. 2. The process of passing society’s values on to new members is
Coding
Modeling
Brainwashing
Socialization

25. Answer: d
Socialization is the process of passing society’s values on to new members.

26. 3. The Greek term for brotherly love is
Agape
Philos
Eros
Storge

27. Answer: b
Philos is the Greek term for brotherly love.