Presentation on theme: "Making a Love Connection"— Presentation transcript:
1Making a Love Connection Chapter 7Making a Love ConnectionStyles of Loveand AttachmentChapter 6
2Distinguishing Loving from Liking Loving and liking are related but qualitatively different.Liking is based on affection and respect.Loving is based on attachment, caring, and interdependence.Some research adds passion (fascinated by the loved one, feeling the relationships is unique and exclusive, and sexual desire)Is liking necessary for loving?
3Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love PassionCommitmentIntimacy
4Intimacy: The “Warm” Component Foundation of the triangleFeelings of emotional connection and closenessModerately stableSomewhat controllableLatent intimacy (internal feelings of closeness) vs. manifest intimacy (how you comm. affection/closeness)Latent plateaus and manifest decreases over time.Why?
5Passion: The “Hot” Component Based on motivation and arousalCan friends feel passionate towards each other? Or parents towards their children?Your book says yes, but its important to note romantic relationships are characterized by sexual arousal.Uncontrollable as this kind oflove is referred to as infatuationFalling in and out of love quicklyCan be difficult to sustain as its unstable
6Commitment: The “Cool” Component Based on cognitive choice-referring to the decision to love someone and maintain committedRelatively stable (builds gradually, then stabilizes)Commitment is related totrust, loyalty, and faithfulness,which have been found to be central toviews of what love isCommitment also predicts rel. stability (to some degree)
7Different Triangles, Different Types of Love (Relationships?) 8 Types of love identified by Sternberg:Nonlove = noneLiking = intimacy onlyInfatuation= passion onlyEmpty love= commitment onlyRomantic love= passion + intimacyFriendship love= intimacy + commitmentFatuous love = passion + commitmentConsummate love= all three components
9Love Triangles FRIENDSHIP LOVE ROMANTIC LOVE FATUOUS LOVE CommitmentPassionCommitmentPassionIntimacyIntimacyFRIENDSHIP LOVEROMANTIC LOVECommitmentPassionCommitmentPassionIntimacyIntimacyFATUOUS LOVECONSUMATE LOVE
10Unrequited LoveSometimes the feelings of friendship, caring, or passion the characterize loving and likely are not reciprocated.Involves a would-be-lover (wants to intensify rel.) and a rejector (does not)May or may not stem from a relationshipWould-be-lover face’s a dilemma1.) keep quiet about feelings 2.) try to win their love. Ex, Friend Zone on MTVRejectors report experiencing more negative emotions than would-be lovers.Emotions such as??
11Unrequited Love, cont.The communication script is more defined for would-be-lovers than rejectors. (You Belong to Me)Try to be “polite” but this can be a problem; may eventually feel victimized.Mis-communication potentialI’m not interested in dating anyone right now but I want to stay friends.I like you, but I’m really busy right now.I’m interested in someone else.**Most inappropriate for rom. partner to useIt wouldn’t work because I’m just not right for you.**Most inappropriate for acquaintances to use.Any personal examples?
12Lee’s Love “Styles” (Assess yourself: pp. 158-159)
13Lee’s Love “Styles” (Assess yourself: pp. 158-159) The Primary StylesEros: Romantic or passionate loveStorge: Companionate loveLudus: Game-Playing LoveThe Secondary StylesMania: Possessive Love (eros + ludus)Pragma: Practical Love (storge + ludus)Agape: Unselfish Love (storge + eros)
14Types of Love as They Blend Lee’s Love stylesIndividual predispositions, stage in life, stage of relationship—sex and culture influencesErosLudusStorgeErosManiaPragmaAgapeWhat are sex differences?Box 7.3 is informative.
15Marston and Hecht’s Love Ways Physiological and behavioral responses to love in their interviews could be grouped into seven categories representing the experiences of 90% of lovers.1. Collaborative love: love is seen as a partnership involving mutual support, negotiation, increases energy, intensifies emotion.2. Active love: based on activity and doing things together. Feelings of increased strength and self-confidence.3. Intuitive love: love is a feeling communicated through nonverbals and feelings such as butterflies, and feeling warm all over.
16Marston and Hecht’s Love Ways cont’d. 4.) Committed love: based on commitment and feelings of commitment, spending time together and discussion of future.5.) Secure love: based on security and intimacy. Feelings of safety and warmth, communicated through self-disclosure.6.) Expressive love: shown through overt behavior. Doing things for partner and saying “I love you” often.7.) Traditional romantic love: loves involves togetherness and commitment. When people are in love, they feel beautiful and happy.Do you believe this represents 90% of lovers experiences?
17Attachment Theory: Key Ideas Beginning in infancy and continuing throughout the lifespan, humans have an innate need to form attachments with others.The interaction children have with caregivers leads to the development of internal working models (IWM) of self and others.Attachment styles are relatively coherent patterns of emotion and social behavior that are exhibited in close relationships.
18Attachment Styles, cont. Model of self: the degree to which a child develops an internalized sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validationModel of others: the degree to which a child expects others to be supportive and accepting (rather than rejecting)Model of self and others therefore ranges from positive to negative.
19Attachment Styles in Childhood Secure: “goodness of fit” in terms of stimulation, responsive to basic needs, consistently caringAvoidant: over- or under-stimulated, sometimes neglected (show little emotion when separated or returned to caregiver)Anxious-Ambivalent: inconsistent response patterns, parent is preoccupied or stressed (anxious when separated but ambivalent when caregiver returns)
20Children’s Attachment Styles after 2 years: Secure: around 70% of children (positive models of self and others)Avoidant: around 20% of children (negative models of others)Anxious-Ambivalent: around 10% of children (negative models of self)
21Adult Attachment Styles Positive Model of OthersSecure(I’m okay,you’re okay)Preoccupied(I’m not okay,you’re okay)PositiveModelOf SelfNegativeModelof SelfDismissive(I’m okay,you’re not okay)Fearful(I’m not okay,you’re not okay)Negative Model of Others
22SECURE: The Prosocial Style Self-sufficient and comfortable with intimacyCompromise and problem-solving during conflictHighest level of maintenance behaviorTend to be pleasant, self-disclosive, and skilled communicatorsReinforcement Effect: Because secures are confident and expressive, people react to them positively, reinforcing positive models of self and others
23PREOCCUPIED: The Emotional Style Overly involved and dependentWant excessive intimacy and worry that partners do not care enough for themDemanding, nagging conflict behaviorExpress negative emotion with aggression or passive aggressionOverly disclosive and overly sensitiveReinforcement Effect: By clinging to their partners and escalating intimacy quickly, they push partners away, thereby reinforcing that they are unworthy of love
24FEARFUL: The Hesitant Style Fearful of intimacy (they have been hurt in the past and/or fear rejection)Communication is often passive, guarded, and anxiousTrouble expressing emotions and self-disclosingRelatively low levels of maintenance and nonverbal pleasantnessReinforcement Effect: By avoiding taking risks, they keep themselves from developing the kind of close, positive relationship that will help them feel better about themselves and others
25DISMISSIVE: The Detached Style Counterdependent (self-sufficient to the point of pushing others away)Relationships seen as nonessential; personal goals are a higher priorityRelatively low levels of relational maintenance, disclosure, and emotional expressionWithdrawing conflict style with more interruptionsReinforcement Effect: By learning to get along on their own, they reinforce the idea that they do not need other people to be happy
26Satisfaction, Stability, and Change Explanation for Relationship SatisfactionGeneral communication skills and emotional communication skillsExplanations for StabilityInteractions with caregivers have an especially strong effect on a person’s social development.The Reinforcement Effect for each styleExplanations for ChangeSignificant life/relationship eventsThe partner’s attachment styleVariability across relationship typesMore central to personality for some people