Presentation on theme: "8 qualities shared by strong families"— Presentation transcript:
18 qualities shared by strong families CommitmentAppreciationGod communication patternsDesire to spend time togetherA strong value systemAbility to deal with crises and stress in a positive mannerResilienceSelf efficacy
26 decision making steps Define what you need or want Look carefully at your resourcesGather information on all your choicesIdentify, evaluate, and compare your choicesMake your decision, develop a plan and get startedAs time passes, evaluate your decision and readjust if necessary
3Intensity matrix page 46 what do you think? Is intimacy a goal for you?Is it difficult for you to be intimate?In what action realm (intellectual, physical, emotional) do you share intimacy most easily?Which realm is most difficult?
4The American Myth of Love and Marriage We Americans marry for love and who in the midst of falling in love is always reasonable?Because Americans tend to believe the romantic myth, numerous marriages have little other than love going for them and the union dissolves because the couple has no basis on which to build a lasting relationship.
5The American Myth of Love and Marriage Much of the confusion of about the myth of love as a basis for marriage has to do with how love is defined.Does it mean the same to you as it does to me?What is the difference between, loving, crushing, passion… all of it?
6Defining love The ancient Greeks divided love into a number elements Ludus (game playing love)Storge (friendship love)Mania (possessive dependent love)Eros (physical sexual side of love)Guess which types tend to produce negative consequences?
7Defining LoveFor the Greeks, the three most important types of love leading to more successful intimate relationships are:Eros (carnal or physical love)Agape (spiritual love)Philos (brotherly or friendly love).
8Defining lovePhilos, the love found in deep and enduring friendships is most important to society’s humanityWe need this connection with other people to create a successful societyAlienationCrimeIsolationDehumanization
9Love is what you make it We each define love for ourselves In lasting relationships, the partners must come to a mutual understanding of what each means by love
10Love is what you make itIntimate self disclosure- opening your self up can lead to getting hurtIntimacy dilemma- love is always an adventure because danger is involved
11Love is what you make it Indifference is the opposite of love When hurt occurs the lover may react with hurt or hostilityHowever someone who just doesn’t care wasn’t in love
12Love is what you make itThe indifferent person exercises more control over the relationship.Principle of least interestThe most loving person in the relationship is more vulnerable and, therefore, often goes to great lengths to placate and please his/her mate
13Love is what you make itThe concept of love has been feminized in AmericaMen vs. womenLets talk about us vs. I provide for youWomen use sex to get loveMen use love to get sex
14Gender differences in love Men are less willing to marry without being in love than are womenOnce a woman commits herself, she tends to become more expressive than he is
15Gender differences in love Women tend to take more time to love and commit themselves to a relationship than do menWomen generally seek emotional relationships, whereas men tend to initially seek physical relationships
16Theories of love Brotherly love- friendship Maternal love- unselfish interest in your partner, placing your self secondMature love- all of that plus a sexual response
18The Wheel as a Model of Love Insert FIGURE 3-1 The Wheel as a Model of Love?
19The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 1 The Rapport StagePartners are struck by the feelings that they have known each other before.They are comfortable with each other, and both want to deepen the relationship.Discussion of previous figure?
20The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 2 The Self-revelation StageThe partners share more intimate feelings.This deepens the relationship because such sharing is only done with special people.
21The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 2 The Self-revelation StageSelf-disclosure is associated with increased commitment, mutual trust, and feelings of love.Women are more likely than men to reveal their thoughts and feelingsDiscussion of previous figure?
22The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 3 Mutual DependenceAs sharing becomes more intimate, a feeling of mutual dependence develops.Discussion of previous figure?
23The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 3 Mutual DependenceFalling in love provides a sense of very rapid expansion of the boundaries of self. There comes a feeling of loss when the partner is absent.
24The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 4 IntimacyThe partners experience more intimacy and need fulfillment as they deepen their relationship.Emotional supportSympathyDiscussion of previous figure?
25Elements of Love intimacy, passion and commitment Nonlove: Absence of all three elements.Liking: Intimacy without passion or commitment.
26Elements of Love intimacy, passion and commitment Infatuation: Passion without intimacy or commitment.Romantic love: Intimacy and passion without commitment .
27Romantic LoveThe confusion between romance and love causes great trouble in forming long-lasting intimate relationshipsWe often fall in love with our own romantic ideas about someone rather than the real person
28Romantic Love Are you a romantic or a realist? Let’s take the survey on page 70-71
29Romantic LoveBecause romantic love is such an emotional arousal it is difficult to maintainWhen a person confuses true love with romantic love you will constantly be disappointed
30Love versus likeIt is probably more important to like someone than it is to love them if you are going to live together for an extended amount of timeIt is easier to like and love someone you who makes you feel good
31Love versus likeWhat research tells usPage 74-75
32LoveFalling in love is grandStaying in love is hard work
33Companionship loveWith time, the emotional excitement of passionate love tends to fade into a lower key emotional state of friendliness and a deep attachmentThe fact that love changes over time makes it no less important
34Companionship loveIf enduring love is to evolve from a passionate love, the relationship has to be nurtured
35Love in strong families Many families take each other fro granted until something happens to upset their routine.
36Love in strong families Respect and appreciation- you cannot appreciate if you do not respectVicious circle- a pattern of behavior in which negative behavior provokes a negative reaction, which in turn, prompts more negative behavior
37Unrealistic expectations Many of the difficulties we experience in our interpersonal relationships stem from conflicting attitudes and unrealistic expectations rather than from specific behavior
38SocializationThe process of passing society’s values on to new members that begins at birth.Talk about the girl in the cellar
39Developmental Stages Self-Love Stage: Infancy and Early Childhood Attachment to significant othersIn order to love we must be loved
40Developmental StagesParental Identification Stage: Early and Middle ChildhoodThis is where children learn the masculine or feminine role that goes with their biological sexSex vs. gender
41Developmental Stages Group Stage: Late Childhood and Preadolescence Elementary school each groups sticks to themselvesCooties?
42Developmental Stages Heterosexual Adult Stage Heightened awareness of the opposite sex and some knowledge of what love means and how to display itLove map- guides you to fall in love with one person and not the other
43JealousyThe state of being resentfully suspicious of a loved one’s behavior toward a suspected rival.
44EnvyRepresents a discontent with oneself and/or desire for the possessions or attributes of anotherElicits more shame, longing, guilt, denial, and a sense of inferiority