Assertive Communication

What is assertive communication? Is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open and honest way. It recognises our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists. http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lee_Hopkins

Communication styles Passive Passive aggressive Assertive Aggressive

Communication styles defined Passive – when a person speaks quietly, avoids eye contact or slumps their posture. They may agree to something that doesn’t feel comfortable to them or back down from confrontation. (helpless, indecisive, apologetic) Passive aggressive – when a person is passive and agreeable in face to face situations, but aggressive when the other person is no longer present. (sarcastic, ambiguous, manipulative, guilt inducing) Assertive – when a person is clear, direct and shows respect for self and others. (direct, honest, responsible) Aggressive – is when a person communicates with others in an aggressive way and is intolerant of other’s needs and opinions. (bossy, arrogant, overbearing)

Which communication style? Scenario 1 Boss calls you into his office, slams his hand down on the desk and says, “you ruined this report!” will you: Tell him it’s his fault for failing to provide you with good direction. Nod in agreement, then tell everyone in the office that the boss is an idiot. Calmly ask him to note the errors and tell him you will fix them. Nod in agreement, and decide that you are incapable of doing this job.

Communication styles of people you know activity How do people you know communicate? Boss Kids Partner Clients Shops assistants Co-workers Friends

Defining assertive communication It is not open to misinterpretation/ it is clear. There is absolute clarity about what the speaker needs from the listener/ it involves a solution. It is free of negative or aggressive emotion. Body language is congruent with the message. Words used and body language show respect to the receiver. Spoken firmly from the speakers own point of view.

Being assertive at work? Clients Co-workers Employers Staff When might you need to be assertive with each of these people?

Body language and assertiveness Make eye contact Appear relaxed Friendly facial features Hands in an open and relaxed position, arms not crossed nor hands clasped in front of you.

Scenario 2 Your family isn’t helping with the housework. Will you: What’s the Passive aggressive response Aggressive response Passive response Assertive response?

Scenario 3 A client’s family member rings the service and demands to know what you are doing to help them with their issues. They are using aggressive language and you don’t have permission from the client to talk to them. What’s the Passive aggressive response Aggressive response Passive response Assertive response?

Disclaimer Assertiveness is a useful tool. It’s application is contextual and it’s not appropriate to do in every situation. There is no guarantee of success. You may not get what you want. Others may struggle with your use of this style of communication, or may not approve of the views you express.