Guiding Children’s Behaviour Presented by Melody Stuckey

Questions to think about  What does the word discipline mean to you?  How were you disciplined as a child?  What things do you agree and disagree about in regards to how you have been disciplined? Why?  How do you think your experiences may influence how you relate to children and guide their behaviour?

Discipline vs. Punishment  Discipline comes from the word disciple which means to teach or guide.  Whereas in contrast punishment has a negative connotation.

Definitions of Discipline  “Discipline is the general attitude of authority” (Dr Stanley Turecki).  “The essence of discipline is the 3 R’s – Rules, Routines and Responsibilities” (John Rosinand).

Definitions of Discipline  “Discipline is gaining and maintaining control over the child’s conduct” and “love and authority have to be there in equal amounts before you can talk about discipline” (Dr Bill Slonecker).  “Discipline is a slow bit by bit time consuming task of helping children to see the sense of acting in a certain way” (Dr James Hymes).

Strategies for Positive Behaviour Guidance  Preventative Strategies  Corrective Strategies

Preventative Strategies  Make sure your children have interesting and stimulating experiences throughout their school day  Give them enough time in the day to play – this helps build their creativity and their ability to make choices for themselves etc and grow in confidence  Make sure you have enough equipment available for the children. Eg don’t expect 20 children to share a train set when there is only one train!

Preventative Strategies  Make sure all your child’s needs are meet – often children start misbehaving because they are tired or hungry or too hot.  Remind the children of the rules you have for the classroom so they are aware of your expectations and boundaries.  Have a clear routines for the children – children respond well when they know what is happening next.  Make sure you are modelling appropriate behaviour as adults

Preventative Strategies  Listen to the children – use affirming body language, smile, and show a genuine interest.  Ask open-ended questions to help you understand what the children are thinking.  Give the children positive attention – get down to their level and connect with them – find out what they are interesting and excited about.  Show empathy by validating and paraphrasing what the child it telling you.

Corrective Strategies  Redirection: When children are starting to play with something that is not appropriate remove the object or distract their play with something else. This is a particularly good method for toddlers. Eg if a toddler is playing with the remote control - you could take the remote control off them and give them a toy telephone instead.

Corrective Strategies  Have realistic expectations for the age of the child you are dealing with eg it is normal behaviour for a toddler to be exploring their world and moving around a lot so it would be unrealistic to expect them to sit still on a chair for a long period of time.  Let children know when their behaviour is becoming unacceptable and what the consequences of that behaviour will be.  Provide logical consequences when limits are broken.

Corrective Strategies  Explain why certain behaviours are inappropriate i.e. if you keep climbing on the table you may fall off and hurt yourself.  Don’t give children unnecessary choices.  Be consistent if you say you are going to do something always make sure you follow that through.

Corrective Strategies  Help mediate children’s conflict so you equip them to be able to resolve their own conflicts.  Build empathy into your children by telling them how it makes you feel when they do something to hurt you or others.  Separate the child from the behaviour – i.e. don’t say “You are stupid” instead you might say “that behaviour is silly”

Corrective Strategies  When you are having trouble with a particular issue think about analysing the children’s behaviour i.e. –How often does the behaviour occur – during the day, over the course of one to two weeks? –When does it occur – is the behaviour more frequent at a particular time or times, e.g. before meals, at the end of the day? –Where does it occur – is it associated with a particular place or situation? –Who is involved – Is the behaviour associated with a particular child and or adult?

Define children in terms of their strengths:  “Ask – what is a positive thing I can honestly say about this child? This may mean selecting a positive rather than a negative behaviour as a focus. Alternatively, some behaviours, which have a negative connotation, may be able to be reassessed as positive attributes and developed as strengths.

Examples  Has leadership qualities, can be assertive – not bossy.  Likes ‘rough and tumble’ play, is very energetic not aggressive.  Takes time to observe before acting not unfriendly  Independent, sets own objectives not uncooperative.  Is able to ask for reassurance (verbally and non-verbally) not clingy’.

Another very effective Preventative Strategy  Positive reinforcement: This is when you praise children for good behaviour. Children will generally want to please you and therefore respond very well to this technique. Eg you might have a child who struggles when you try and put their shoes on and their older brother does it with no problem. You might say to the child who is doing it well “Well done James – I love the way you sit so still when I am putting your shoes on” The other child will notice that James is getting all the attention and will no doubt also want the same level of praise and so it likely to also put on their shoes with no fuss.

Parenting Styles  Permissive  Authoritarian  Authoritative  Neglectful

Neglectful  Low level of support and control.  Low love.  Low discipline.  Avoiding their children – avoiding responsibility.  Economic factors are often an issue.

Permissive  Very little discipline.  Non-directive and undemanding form of parental control.  Permissive parents allow children to make their own decisions and do their own thing.  Shows warm and unconditional love.  Undemanding in the sense that the children can do whatever they want.  Research shows that children brought up in this environment often have low self esteem and lack of self control.

Authoritarian  Firm and clearly defined standards of conduct. These standards may have been based on religious or political beliefs.  Value discipline above all else.  Exercise power over the child to make them conform.  Children are not given responsibility to make their own decisions.  Children in this group may feel discontented and become withdrawn.

Authoritative  This is in between permissive and authoritarian parenting.  Firm control but allow rational discussion.  Values obedience but tries to promote independence.  Children in this group tend to grow up to be friendly, self controlled and self-reliant.

Interesting points  Parents brought up in authoritarian homes tend to be permissive parents themselves as they have a fear of their children becoming unhappy.  Authoritarian parents are motivated by a fear of their children getting into trouble.  A parent who is authoritarian will interpret an authoritative spouse as being permissive.

Interesting points  Authoritative parents often have a great sense of humour which often helps them relieve difficult situations.  Authoritarian parents can often be acting of determination that their children will be what they were not