1. BITING: Why, and What can you do?
DEALING WITH CONFLICT
BITING: Why, and What can you do?
Hello and welcome everyone! I am Carley Travis, interning for Child Care Health Consultation with the Lexington-Fayette County Health Department. I’m a student from Ohio University and I have been interning with Child Care Health Consultation for the past three months. I want to thank you all for having me today to talk to you about conflict as it relates to childcare. I know this is nothing new to you all, but I hope you can walk away from this with a fresh perspective. Can I have a show of hands, who witnessed a disagreement in their classroom today? Okay, everyone! Hopefully you all will be willing to share some of your experiences as we go through this presentation.

2. Objectives Define conflict
Discuss and understand why conflicts occur in the classroom
Understand the common causes of conflict between children
Identify our role as childcare providers in conflicts between children

3. Objectives Recognize the valuable social aspects of conflict
Understand the different ways children may approach conflict, including biting
Identify the reasons children may bite, what they mean, and how to handle them
Understand what strategies are not affective in handling biting

4. ICEbreaker

5. So, What does conflict look like?
What causes conflict between two children?
How do they respond to conflict?
“Conflict is defined as protesting, resisting, or retaliating against another child.”
–Hay & Ross (1982) as cited by Wittmer (2008)
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
You have all seen conflicts in your classroom. Disagreements are a natural part of human interaction, and children are no exception to that rule as you all know. So what have you seen? Give me a couple of examples of conflict from your classrooms. Now, in what ways have you seen children managing these conflicts? Do they sit down and talk it out, reaching a fair compromise? What have you seen? Here we have a definition of conflict taken from the book Focusing on Peers: The Importance of Relationships in the Early Years. You’ll notice that this definition was developed in 1982, but conflict is pretty timeless. Children will always have disagreements.

6. Why do conflicts arise?
Children are ill equipped to handle certain situations.
What can we do to change that?
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
Why might these conflicts arise? First and foremost, children are ill equipped to handle certain situations. Now, this does not mean it is up to us to jump in and tell Tommy to give Suzy the toy, and make Tommy apologize, and send them on their way. Think about it: if a child lacks these skills, our responsibility is to teach them, not to resolve the issues for them. As a teacher, your job is to step in and help them in a way that allows them to better handle similar situations in the future. How might we accomplish this?

7. Activity
Partner up.
Each of you will have a card labeled with an emotion.
Express these feelings to one another without using words.
How does this relate to conflict between children?
I am passing out a card labeled with an emotion. Keep yours to yourself and partner up with someone nearby. It’s okay to have a group of three if necessary. My challenge to you is to communicate the emotion you are given without using any words. Use facial expressions, hand gestures, and other nonverbal methods. I’ll give you a couple of minutes to do this. How did it go? Let’s hear from some of the groups. Did you easily communicate the emotion you were given? On the other side, was it easy or difficult to understand what your partner was trying to get across? In what ways does this help us to understand conflict between children? Children have small vocabularies. Some children have trouble identifying what they are feeling, especially if it is a feeling that they aren’t familiar with. If they aren’t sure what they are feeling, they certainly will struggle to tell someone else what it is they’re experiencing.

8. Take the time to understand.
Take a moment to closely observe what is happening between two children.
Give the children a chance to work it out on their own.
Take on the role of facilitator.
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
Take a moment to closely observe a situation before intervening. It is very easy to misinterpret a child’s actions, especially when you are attending to an entire room of children and only catch a glimpse of what is happening. Take a minute to understand before you try to correct the situation. Once you have a clear picture of what has happened, and you are sure that the children are not going to reach a resolution, it is okay to step in. At this point, you become the facilitator, the mediator.

9. Toddlers tussle over… Territory Object possession
Resistance to others playing with them
Controlling play content
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
According to the resource I used, Focusing on Peers: The Importance of Relationships in the Early Years, conflict occurs between toddlers over territory. What might this look like in the classroom? Maybe you have designated areas in your class for certain activities. For example, I worked in a center with an area for dramatic play, and a sensory area. Sometimes the areas became full and children disagreed over who got to stay in what area. Object possession causes a lot of conflict in the classroom. We’ve all heard, “That’s mine!” Or, “I had it first! He took it from me.” Children may resist others joining their play, or they may resist other children having control over their play. They want to call the shots. Does anyone have an example of how they have seen these conflicts play out?

10. Toddlers tussle over… Access to toys
Resistance to other children’s aggression
Ego testing
Dominance
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
Some more reasons for conflict—access to toys, of course. There are probably a few toys in your classroom that are most sought after. Children are anxious to have their turn with these toys. What do these conflicts look like? Resistance to other children’s aggression is another potential cause. Ego testing, does anyone know what that is? So this is basically saying that children are testing one another, finding out where they stand in a relationship. They test adults, too, don’t they?

11. Case study
You are in your classroom attending to many children’s needs at once, when you see Johnny yanking a toy train from Sara. You rush over to get a closer look and hear Sara say, “Give me that, it’s mine!” Johnny clings tightly to the toy, refusing to give it back.
*Read case study aloud* Go ahead and discuss this with one another, in groups of three or so. Talk about how you would handle this situation. What would your initial reaction have been to this scenario? Many of us might quickly assume that Sara had this toy, and that Johnny is the behaving badly. If we did not take the time to assess the situation, we might then grab the toy from Johnny, say, “Give the toy to Sara, Johnny.” What might be another less apparent way that the children may have ended up here. Could Johnny have actually had the toy first? Or, perhaps they reached for it at the same time. As a facilitator of conflict resolution, what might you do? I might suggest taking the toy in order to get the children’s full attention. Assure them that you will give it back. Give each of them a chance to explain what happened. Tell them that they will each have a turn lasting five minutes, and follow through. It is critical that you follow through, and come back to give the other child a turn. I also might mention that when we step in to these situations, our goal should be to teach not to abruptly interrupt and separate the children.

12. Is conflict all bad? What is the upside?
Children exercise valuable social skills when resolving conflict in a healthy way.
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
Now, is conflict all bad? Is there an upside to these interactions? Give me something positive that may come from a disagreement between two children. Children are exercising valuable social skills during conflict and conflict resolution. They’re learning to negotiate, to resist, and to compete. While these may not necessarily be skills we want to see in excess, wouldn’t you agree that these skills will be important to these children later on in life? This goes back to our job of equipping children to handle conflict, not only now but down the road.

13. Conflicts are Relational.
Children’s interactions with one another are based on interactions that have taken place between them in the past.
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
Conflicts are relational. By relational, I mean that these children establish relationships with one another and behave and interact accordingly. For instance, if Johnny knocked Timmy over yesterday during lunch, Timmy is more likely to knock Johnny over than he would have been had Johnny not done it first. Children build on their interactions with other children, they do not experience a conflict in isolation. I’m sure most of you can think of a couple of children in your class who are always at each other. This is an example of the relational nature of conflict.

14. Conflicts are situational.
A child’s response to conflict is very much affected by the context of the situation.
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
Okay, this goes back to what I said about how important it is to take a step back and really observe what is going on. We cannot define a child based on one poorly handled conflict. It is not our job to judge a child as “good” or “bad.” A child’s response to any given conflict is affected by the situation at hand. Just because Sally hit Amy over the head because she wanted her lunch, does not mean that hitting is characteristic of Sally, or that nothing else should be considered. Sally should not be labeled a “hitter.” Never label children according to their misbehaviors. Remember, too, children are not living in a vacuum. They are very much impacted by their surroundings both at home, and at school. They’re affected by the media, just like we are—what they see on television, in books, and on games. Keep a compassionate and open heart when facilitating conflict.

15. Children’s strategies
Younger children may try to get their way using a simple, “No!”
Older children are more likely to appropriately justify their case if they have had an opportunity to learn these behaviors.
Boys vs. Girls
Source: Wittmer, Donna S.
So, we sort of understand what conflict is, how we affect children’s conflict styles, and how they’re affected by other factors. Let’s now take a look at how children tend to manage these disagreements. Your younger children may fiercely oppose another child’s actions by shouting, “No!” or, “Stop!” We’ve all seen this. Older children may instead be a bit more persuasive in trying to get their way. An older child with more sophisticated conflict management skills may say, “I had that toy first, it isn’t your turn to use it. Give it back.” There are obviously a ton of other ways that children may go about conflict, what have you seen? Do you notice a difference in the way that girls and boys handle conflict? According to the resource that I used for this presentation, girls are dominant more often than boys, but boys use more powerful strategies than girls.

16. “Children bite in order to cope with a challenge or fulfill a need.”
BITING
It’s fairly common!
Do not think of or refer to child as a “biter.”
“Children bite in order to cope with a challenge or fulfill a need.”
–ZERO TO THREE (2012)
Source: ZERO TO THREE
As a childcare provider, if you have a child biting in your classroom, you are not alone! It’s pretty common. It’s important to let parents know that, too. They are not alone, many children bite. Thinking of a child as a “biter” and/or referring to the child as such will not help the situation. Giving the child that sort of identity may actually encourage the biting behavior. So, why does it happen? Children bite in order to cope with a challenge or fulfill a need. It may be that they are trying to communicate a strong feeling. Children do not bite simply because they are “mean.” Yes, that’s probably going to be the case in some instances, but it is not fair for us to assume that a child who bites is “bad” or “mean.”

17. Identifying the cause What was the last thing that happened?
Who was the child with?
Is the child biting the same or different children each time?
Where is the biting happening?
What is the child doing?
Source: ZERO TO THREE

18. Responding: general rules
Focus on staying calm. A biting child can cause a mix of emotions—step back and take a deep breath before you respond.
Respond firmly, simply, and clearly; not angrily.
Shift attention to child who was bitten immediately.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
When a child bites, our initial reaction as caregivers may be to feel angry, or sad, frustrated. When you address the child, it’s important to put these feelings aside. The guidance you provide is about correcting the behavior, not about acting out of stress and frustration. Keep in mind, you should respond firmly using clear and concise statements. Do not ask, “How do you think that made him feel?” because many children are not at a place developmentally where they will be able to understand the perspective of the child who has been bitten. Instead, tell the child what they have done, “Biting really hurts. You hurt Kara when you bit her. She is crying because you hurt her.” Next, you want to shift your attention to the child who was bitten immediately. Even negative attention towards the child who bit may encourage the behavior. Model empathy towards the hurt child.

19. Responding: general rules (Cont.)
Remind the child who has bitten of alternative strategies.
Help the children move into a new activity.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
Four, remind the child who has bitten of the strategies he could use instead of biting, using his words. Last, you want to help the children transition into a new activity. You might say, “What should we do next?” You may also tailor the next activity to the cause of the biting. For instance, if you suspect the child is biting because she is overly tired you might suggest a book. You also want to remain as consistent as possible in your response if the biting is reoccurring.

20. Responding: lacking language
Show the child how to express whatever they were trying to communicate using words, “You can say, that is too loud. I do not like it.”
Offer ways to express feelings that do not necessarily involve language (i.e. art, exercise).
Always reinforce appropriate behavior. For instance, “You did a great job asking for your turn with that book.”
The following slides are addressing ways to handle biting that has a specific, identifiable cause. I do want to point out: Yes, these are techniques suggested for handling a child who bites. However, these translate easily to handling other problematic behaviors in the classroom. While we go through them, it may be most useful to consider how they might be applied in other behavioral matters as well.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
You should offer choices as well, to give the child a sense of control, especially in situations that have triggered biting in the past. If a child is really struggling, his or her parent may want to consider a speech evaluation.

21. responding: sensory overload
Keep TV, radio, and other sound devices turned off or at a low volume.
Avoid crowds and busy settings.
Pay close attention to when you schedule activities that require a lot of sensory input.
Give a nice, firm hug.
Keep a designated calm area for comfort.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
Have you ever been somewhere when it suddenly became crowded? Think shopping the day after Thanksgiving, 5:00AM. The lights, the music, people bumping into you from all sides. Some of us may never even attempt Black Friday shopping because we don’t feel comfortable in that sort of environment. Children who bite because their senses are overwhelmed may feel like we do in the middle of a crowd on Black Friday.
Keep devices such as the TV and radio turned off or at a low volume. Avoid crowds or busy settings. Parents should consider visiting places like the playground or the mall at “off-times.” For instance, they might choose to go by the mall on a week night rather than a Saturday morning. As a caregiver, you will want to take that into account as well when taking the child to high traffic areas of your center. Next, you want to pay close attention to when you schedule activities that will require a lot of the child’s senses. For instance, if a fire truck visit is scheduled for a time that a child is particularly sensitive, you will want to take the proper steps to make her feel comfortable. Brainstorm with the child’s other caregivers to come up with some consistent strategies for managing sensory issues. A firm “bear hug” may really keep the child from being overwhelmed when he is beginning to feel over stimulated. A calm and comforting area for any of the children to go to when they feel overwhelmed is important. This area may have pillows, books, and stuffed animals and should be separate from the other play areas in the classroom.

22. responding: experimenting
Remember to be firm and to give your attention to the child who was bitten.
Explain to the child what they have done.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
Again, negative attention can still encourage behavior. You want to firmly tell the child that there is no biting allowed. Really emphasize what they caused if you suspect they are experimenting. “You bit Olivia, and she is crying because it hurt.” Immediately after you have addressed the problem, turn your attention empathetically to the child who was hurt.

23. responding: need for active play
Set aside more time for being active. Never punish by taking away playground time.
Be sure to talk with other caregivers to develop ways of integrating active time throughout the day.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
Look for more ways to allow this child active time. Don’t take away playground time from a child bites. This could make matters worse. Work with the child’s parents to strategize ways to keep the child active throughout the day.

24. responding: Over-tired
Work with parents to get child to bed earlier.
Get him/her on a napping schedule, or at least have designated resting times.
Be aware of times when she is overly tired and plan accordingly.
Work with other caregivers, letting one another know if the child is well rested.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
You may want to suggest that the child’s parents put the child to bed 30 minutes earlier, and then maybe 30 minutes earlier the following week, until the child seems to be getting enough sleep. Work with the child’s parents to develop a nap schedule. If he or she isn’t sleeping, that is okay. It’s still helpful to have her lying undisturbed at regular intervals. Again, plan around times of day when he is going to be most tired. If you know he hasn’t had enough sleep, be mindful of this in your interactions.

25. responding: need for oral stimulation
Offer crunchy, healthy snacks throughout the day.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
According to ZERO TO THREE, research has shown that offering a child crunchy snacks throughout the day can actually decrease biting behaviors.

26. What they may be trying to say:
I’m angry!
You’re too close.
I’m excited!
I want to play!
My senses are overwhelmed.
Source: ZERO TO THREE
Clearly, there is are dramatic differences between one reason to bite and another. For instance, “I’m angry!” versus “I want to play!” Again, it’s never okay to assume a child is “bad” because he bites. 26

27. How to prevent biting Distract the child
Suggest alternative ways to handle situation
Intervene with a way to share (i.e. kitchen timer)
Sharing = one of the most common triggers
Source: ZERO TO THREE
If you sense that a child is getting ready to bite, you can try a few things. You could distract the child with a toy, or ask him or her to take a walk with you. You could suggest other ways to handle the problem. For example, you might say, “Sarah, you seem angry. You can tell Sam that he is bothering you and that you don’t want him to call you that.” Finally, you can grab a timer and allow each child five minutes with the toy, and assure them they will all have a turn.

28. What not to do Shame Harsh punishment Biting back
Source: ZERO TO THREE
Shame is not an affective way to correct any inappropriate behavior. Shame and harsh punishment only create stress and fear for children, which could even increase the frequency of the behavior. Biting back. This may shock you, but some people would suggest biting the child back. I actually was explaining this presentation to a family member and she went on to tell me that her son bit as a child. I asked what she eventually did to correct the behavior. She tried everything, she said—everything. Finally, one day, she bit him back! I was shocked to hear that, but it just goes to show. Parents get desperate and frustrated. One of the most loving people I have ever met, and she bit her son. She didn’t do it to be mean, or to relieve her own stress. She honestly thought it was for the good of her son, she said, “He was going to be kicked out of his preschool classroom!” As childcare providers, you have the opportunity to dispel these sorts of myths everyday when you speak to parents. Remember that parenting is tough, and much more so when you have a child who is behaving inappropriately and you feel like you’ve exhausted every option for correcting the behavior. Offer support and empathy to parents. Offer the same to one another.

30. Sources
ZERO TO THREE. Why do toddlers bite? Finding the right response. In Behavior and development (challenging behavior). Retrieved from development/challenging-behavior/chew-on-this- resources-on-biting.html
Wittmer, Donna S. (2008). Of course, there are conflicts— and then there is biting. Focusing on peers: The importance of relationships in the early years. Washington, DC: ZERO TO THREE.
Adapted from presentation by Carley Travis