1 Recognizing and Understanding Feelings Nurturing Parenting Section 8.2 GOAL To Increase Parents’ Awareness of How Feelings Dictate Behavior.

2 OBJECTIVES To Increase Parents’ Awareness of How We Are Taught Not To Express Feelings. To Increase Parents’ Ability to Recognize Feelings in Self. To Increase Parents’ Ability to Recognize Feelings of Children.

3 For the next hour we will focus on recognizing and understanding feelings in ourselves and in our children.

4 Respond to the following statements: One feeling I have difficulty handling is ________. When I feel_______, I usually behave _________.

Feelings Each experience we have leaves us with both a memory and a feeling about the experience. Good experiences leave us with good memories and feelings of comfort. Bad experiences leave us with unpleasant memories and feelings of discomfort. 5

Feelings If we do not talk about the bad times and express our feelings of discomfort, we end up suppressing (consciously) or suppressing (unconsciously) our feelings; i.e., keeping our feelings hidden inside. The purpose of having emotions is to express them. All emotions need expression, and the expression 6

Feelings All emotions need expression, and the expression of feelings has to follow three rules: 1. Respect yourself, don’t hurt your self. 2. Respect others, don’t hurt others 3. Respect the environment, don’t hurt the environment. 7

Feelings Every experience is like a giant spring full of feelings and thoughts. When we choose not to talk about how we feel, or what we think, we have to stuff these feelings and thoughts inside. It is like standing an a spring: the spring wants to pop up, but we have to use our energy to keep it down People have been taught to keep painful and scary feelings hidden (suppressed) 8

Hiding Feelings Take your paper and tear it into 1/3. On each piece of paper write a feeling. There are four primary feelings namely: sadness, happiness, fear and anger. All other feelings are under one of these four. Grief, loneliness, guilt, regret, pain, depression are all auxiliary to sadness, Joy, ecstasy, and fulfillment, excitement, and peacefulness are different kinds of happiness. Anticipating, doubt, hesitancy, fright, worry, anxiety can fall under fear. And from anger can spring hatred, rage, exasperation, hostility, indignation, frustration, animosity and so on. 9

Hiding Feelings Each piece of paper represents an emotion that people do not want to deal with or accept. The more you try to cover up our feelings, the less freedom we have. The more experiences (pieces of paper) that a person tries to cover up, the more energy it takes; the less movement a person can make

Hiding Feelings The Feeling of Depression is when there are so many experiences that the person uses most of their energy to cover up their feelings of discomfort.

Feelings Children and adults receive messages all of their lives that only certain feelings are accepted (or good) and the majority of feelings are unacceptable (or bad). Brainstorm “Good” and “Bad” feelings. Refer to as feelings of “Comfort” and feelings of “Discomfort” Typically, the feelings of discomfort are feelings that are hard to handle. 12

Messages You Received When You Were a Child Big Boys Don’t Cry Ah! It doesn’t hurt that bad. Stop that crying this instant!!! 13

Feelings Every feeling has a physical expression. When we feel a feeling, our body responds. Discuss ways our body responds to feelings. E.g., “People who get angry often tighten their jaws, clench their fists, become rigid, etc. 14

Let’s Play charades 15 Grief loneliness guilt regret pain depression sadness Joy Ecstasy Fulfillment excitement Peacefulness happiness Anticipating Doubt Hesitancy fright worry anxiety fear anger hatred rage exasperation hostility indignation frustration animosity

Feelings Do you let your feelings show, or do you hide them within you? How do you behave when you are keeping a feeling inside? How do you feel after you share a feeling? 16