Let’s get it right the first time…

What Do I Expect? Today you are going to have the opportunity to edit and revise your own paper and a classmate’s Use the following slides to help you revise your own paper The goal of this activity is for you to look at your paper with new eyes and get it right the first time

Thesis statements Your thesis statement should be in your intro paragraph (preferably towards the end) and tell me exactly what you are going to talk about in the paper. If you don’t have a sentence that tells me exactly how the symbol’s meaning changes, then you don’t have a thesis statement. Look at your paper and highlight your thesis statement. Does it follow the above rules? Have you said that the symbol’s meaning changes from the beginning to the end of the book? Have you told me that the meaning intensifies?

Assertions These should be at the beginning of each of your paragraphs. Take a highlighter and mark each assertion in your paper now. Does that assertion explicitly tell me what it is that the symbol means? If not, go back and fix it. Your assertion does not have to be the first sentence, but it works REALLY well if it is…

Summary vs. Commentary/Analysis Take a pen and mark out every sentence that is summary—even if you think that it is necessary. Now, look at your paragraph. What is left? Do you understand the points that you are trying to make? Your commentary/analysis should FULLY explain your points, if it doesn’t, you need to add more to the paper.

1 st instance not important “The first time that the conch appears, it does not mean anything, it is just a shell in the sand.” Let’s be clear—you are to talk about the four most important times that the symbol shows up and why it is important. If the first paragraph contains the above sentence, then you aren’t following directions. Conversely, the last instance should be the very last time that this symbol is significant, not the last time you saw it in the book—sometimes these two are not the same.

Starting with a quote Do not start your paragraph off with a quote!!!!!!!!!!!! Quotes are meant to be support, not transitions. Your reader has no idea what you are getting at when you start with a quote. Once the reader gets to the end of your paragraph, if there is no support, they have a hard time following the points you are trying to make. All quotes should be integrated into sentences, build words around to introduce and transition them.

Referencing the book “By this point in the book” If you have this sentence in your paper, but no other reference to where in the book we are, then I have no idea what you are talking about. Make sure if you are referencing the book, you need to make the reference perfectly clear. I am good, but not that good…

Talking quotes “The quote shows that the conch is no longer a source of authority within the group.” Quotes don’t show, talk, prove, reflect—this is your job as the writer. You must prove your point, then use the quote to support what you are saying. Look over your paper and if you see any of these phrases – delete them! “Here is a quote that proves shows/demonstrates, etc.” is the same – take these out!

Using my information “The conch’s convolutions suggest rising and setting sun. The white conch is a symbol of worldly power; royalty, prosperous voyage; it is the ear that hears the divine word.” If you paper contains the above sentence or any other information you have received in an example from me, then you must make sure that you first and foremost understand what it means, and then you must explain each and every piece of it, using quotes from the text to prove your point.

Slang “Jack’s crew beat Sam and Eric until they told where Ralph was hiding.” Your written voice becomes very evident in your first body paragraphs. When you deviate from it by adding slang, even if it is not silly, you sound less authoritative and more like someone who has no business speaking academically. Make sure your word choice is appropriate.

Anything other than third person “As you can see…” “I am going to write my paper about…” “I believe that the conch is a symbol of…” I don’t care what you think or believe, I only care about what you know. The purpose of this paper is for you to showcase what it is that you learned about this one concept. Don’t assume that I am the “you” that you are referencing. And even if I am, are you truly sure that you have done a good enough job explaining to me just what it is that I am supposed to be “seeing”?

Final thoughts: If you don’t get what I am asking you to do, then ask for help. I am no mind-reader, so if you don’t say anything, then I will assume you know what you are doing. If you do ask for help, do not wait until the day/night before it is due. Sending an to me at 9pm on Wednesday night is not going to get you anywhere… Use the resources I have left you and your time today wisely! You should be able to get enough done today that all you have to do is correct your paper at home on the computer or type it up!