Communicating Assertively Sue Duraikan

2 minutes to share… One key learning point from online module on Communicating Assertively One challenge you still face in communicating assertively

Objectives Have a clearer idea of what it means to communicate assertively Be more confident to use assertive techniques in practice

Assertiveness is…. …..a form of behaviour which demonstrates your self-respect and your respect for others …being able to stand up for your rights, wants, needs and opinions without denying those of others

Assertiveness starts in your head TriggerThoughtsFeelingsBehaviour

Responding to aggression That was a disaster. What were you thinking of? Look. We’re getting nowhere. Just let me talk to your boss. You’re wrong about that. I hear what you’re saying, but we’ve got more important things to deal with right now..

Rights and responsibilities Right: To receive clear communication Responsibility: To act on it appropriately Right: To refuse certain requests Responsibility: To communicate a clear reason for doing so

7 types of assertion Consequence ‘Unless you.. I will..’Negative feelings ‘I feel frustrated that…Discrepancy ‘We agreed that.. However..’ Roll with the punch ‘You’re right, that was careless of me.’ Probing ‘Why is that important to you?’Empathy ‘I can see why you’re annoyed.’Basic assertion ‘As I see it…’

Making a request DO Be direct and concise Give reason for request Respect their right to refuse DON’T Over- apologise Flatter and promise rewards Take refusal personally Try to wear them down!

Making requests (DESO) Describe the situation ‘ The deadline for presenting the data is tomorrow.’ Express how you are feeling ‘I’m concerned that I haven’t seen your results yet.’ Specify what you would like to happen ‘Can you send me your results by 3 o’clock?’ Outcome ‘Then we can be sure of getting the data collated in time.’

Refusing a request DO Be polite ‘Thank you for...’ Ask for more info or time Keep it short but friendly Repeat refusal Speak slowly, steadily, warmly DON’T Over- apologise Over-explain Ask permission to say no Hurt feelings

Expressing your opinion DO Relax Plan Rehearse Own your message: use ‘I’ statements Be open DON’T Undermine yourself Apologise Be dogmatic Bow to pressure

Making an impact Verbal: what you say 7% Vocal: how you sound 36% Visual: how you look 57%

Passive-aggressive is…

Handling passive-aggression DO Ask questions and listen Show you want to understand their perspective: ‘I seem to have upset you. Would you like to tell me what’s going on?’ Communicate clearly Focus on what you need Be prepared for the long haul! DON’T Be intimidated Focus on their behaviour Be impatient

Handling aggression DO Use split-second self-talk ‘Stay calm, I can handle this.’ Make time – sit down Aim to defuse: ask questions, listen, then communicate clearly Apologise if in error Seek help DON’T Be intimidated Focus on their behaviour Be impatient Deflect questions Invade their space Feel you have to let it continue

Handling passive behaviour Empathy Probing and listening Supportive/encouraging messages Relaxed posture Gentle tone of voice Supportive facial expression Firm, clear message – repeated if necessary

Your rightsTheir rights Self talk Visualise success Behaviour Outcome achievedOutcome avoided

TED talks body_language_shapes_who_you_are.ht ml Fake it till you make it Fake it till you become it