CONFLICT RESOLUTION MR. DONLEY

Conflict Study Guide Training Ground Rules Training Ground Rules Understanding Conflict Understanding Conflict Various Conflicts Various Conflicts Recognizing conflict styles and benefits Recognizing conflict styles and benefits Dealing with Anger Dealing with Anger Resolving simple conflicts Resolving simple conflicts Communication Process Communication Process Assertiveness and I messages Assertiveness and I messages Active listening Active listening

GROUND RULES BE RESPONSIBLE BE RESPONSIBLE EXPERIMENT EXPERIMENT PARTICIPATE PARTICIPATE HELP OTHERS-WORK TOGETHER HELP OTHERS-WORK TOGETHER HONESTY HONESTY OPEN-MINDED OPEN-MINDED SENSITIVE TO OTHERS SENSITIVE TO OTHERS ITS OK TO DISAGREE ITS OK TO DISAGREE

VOCAB CONFLICT CONFLICT NEUTRAL NEUTRAL DISPUTANT DISPUTANT MEDIATION MEDIATION SOLUTION/RESOLUTION SOLUTION/RESOLUTION MEDIATOR MEDIATOR

Conflict Resolution Skills 6 QUICK FIXES 6 QUICK FIXES 1. FLIP A COIN 1. FLIP A COIN 2.SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE 2.SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE 3. LAUGH IT OFF 3. LAUGH IT OFF 4. SKIP IT 4. SKIP IT 5.WALK AWAY 5.WALK AWAY 6. SAY YOUR SORRY 6. SAY YOUR SORRY

Cause of Conflict Resources Resources Psychological Needs Psychological Needs Values Values Intra-personal Intra-personal Inter-personal Inter-personal Intra-group Intra-group Inter-group Inter-group

Conflict Resolution Process Step One; Consider a Quick Fix Step One; Consider a Quick Fix Step two; Get the Facts Step two; Get the Facts Step 3; Identify the Issues Step 3; Identify the Issues Step 4; Find Solutions Step 4; Find Solutions Step 5; Pick a Solution that works for Everybody Step 5; Pick a Solution that works for Everybody

Conflict Cycle Conflict Experience-beliefs & attitudes Conflict Experience-beliefs & attitudes Conflict Occurs- Conflict Occurs- Perception/thinking Perception/thinking Emotions/feelings ID Emotions/feelings ID Behavior Response Behavior Response Outcome/consequences Outcome/consequences

Conflict Outcomes Escalation of Conflict Others get involved and take sides A person feels threatened No history of effective relationship between the parties Important needs are not meet People don’t have conflict resolution skills

Conflict Outcomes De-escalation of Conflict De-escalation of Conflict People focus on the problem not the personalities People focus on the problem not the personalities Emotions are expressed directly rather than demonstrated indirectly Emotions are expressed directly rather than demonstrated indirectly Threats are reduced/eliminated Threats are reduced/eliminated Needs are discussed Needs are discussed People use conflict resolution skills People use conflict resolution skills

Anger It is not always bad It is not always bad Never response to first impulse Never response to first impulse Think before acting Think before acting Find a constructive way to release anger Find a constructive way to release anger Determine why you are angry Determine why you are angry Communicate effectively Communicate effectively

Anger management Talk it out Talk it out Exercise Exercise Say you’re sorry to those who are angry Say you’re sorry to those who are angry Leave the situation until calm down Leave the situation until calm down

Conflict Outcomes Positive Resolution Positive Resolution Lower personal stress Lower personal stress Self-empowerment Self-empowerment Improved relationship Improved relationship Improved problem solving skills Improved problem solving skills Negative Resolution Negative Resolution More personal stress More personal stress Hurt Feelings Hurt Feelings Ineffective relationships Ineffective relationships More unresolved problem situations More unresolved problem situations

SO WHAT IS CONFLICT? WHAT WORDS COME TO MIND WHAT WORDS COME TO MIND

CONFLICT ASSUMPTIONS NORMAL NORMAL YOUR RESPONSE DETERMINES OUTCOME YOUR RESPONSE DETERMINES OUTCOME VOLUNTARY RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT IS POSITIVE VOLUNTARY RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT IS POSITIVE RESOLVING OWN CONFLICT EMPOWERING RESOLVING OWN CONFLICT EMPOWERING DIVERSITY IS POSITIVE DIVERSITY IS POSITIVE DEVELOP YOUR OWN VALUES DEVELOP YOUR OWN VALUES

CONFLICT STYLES 1 AVOIDANCE- 1 AVOIDANCE- 2. CONFRONTATION- 2. CONFRONTATION- 3 PROBLEM-SOLVING- 3 PROBLEM-SOLVING-

Communication Communication skills Communication skills Your parents have told you that they are going to separate because they have "grown apart" and want to have some time to think. You had no idea that your parents were having problems. You are upset and anxious about the future. Your parents have told you that they are going to separate because they have "grown apart" and want to have some time to think. You had no idea that your parents were having problems. You are upset and anxious about the future.

Communication Overview 1. It is a necessary tool for understanding and resolving conflicts 1. It is a necessary tool for understanding and resolving conflicts 2. Miscommunication may be the cause of a conflict 2. Miscommunication may be the cause of a conflict Sending and Receiving Message Sending and Receiving Message –Person A says what he/she intended –Person A says something other than intended –Person B listen and hears accurately –Person B listens and doesn’t hear accurately

Factors Influencing Communication Values-differences –ind competitions vs good for the group Values-differences –ind competitions vs good for the group Perceptions-How each person is viewing the same situation must be clarified Perceptions-How each person is viewing the same situation must be clarified Assumptions-Judgements made w/o proof leading to stereotypes-widely shared views Assumptions-Judgements made w/o proof leading to stereotypes-widely shared views Suspicions-assumptions based on mistrust concerning motivation Suspicions-assumptions based on mistrust concerning motivation Communication Styles-loud vs soft, dictation, eye contact, Communication Styles-loud vs soft, dictation, eye contact,

Communication Communication occurs on many levels. Communication occurs on many levels. The level of communication usually reflects the closeness of the relationship. The level of communication usually reflects the closeness of the relationship. The 5 levels of communication are: The 5 levels of communication are: Polite conversation Polite conversation Information giving Information giving Expressing ideas Expressing ideas Sharing feelings Sharing feelings Self-disclosing Self-disclosing

Communication Why should you express your thoughts and feelings to your parents? (To reduce stress and to openly communicate with them.) Why should you express your thoughts and feelings to your parents? (To reduce stress and to openly communicate with them.) Why would it be difficult to express these thoughts and feelings? (Self-disclosing takes emotional energy and makes us vulnerable.) Why would it be difficult to express these thoughts and feelings? (Self-disclosing takes emotional energy and makes us vulnerable.)

5 levels of Communication 1. Polite Conversation - conversation that helps put people at ease or just passes the time. 1. Polite Conversation - conversation that helps put people at ease or just passes the time. 2. Information Giving - reporting events or facts. 2. Information Giving - reporting events or facts. 3. Expressing Ideas - expressing thoughts, ideas, decisions and judgments. 3. Expressing Ideas - expressing thoughts, ideas, decisions and judgments. 4. Sharing Feelings - telling how a person feels about people, situations or events. 4. Sharing Feelings - telling how a person feels about people, situations or events. 5. Self-disclosing - sharing deepest hope, dreams, fears and emotion. 5. Self-disclosing - sharing deepest hope, dreams, fears and emotion.

Active Listening Using good body language-eye contact Using good body language-eye contact Trying to understand Trying to understand Restating or paraphrasing Restating or paraphrasing Clarifying Clarifying Respecting Respecting Not interrupting, arguing, changing the subject, judging, making up mind before person is finished talking Not interrupting, arguing, changing the subject, judging, making up mind before person is finished talking

I Messages Allows you to tell people that you want their behavior to change without blaming them Allows you to tell people that you want their behavior to change without blaming them I positive statements I positive statements I feel……..sad I feel……..sad When you…….leave early When you…….leave early I want ………because I want ………because