1. Chill Skills: Anger Management and Conflict Resolution for Professionals
Deborah Thomason Ed.D., CFLE
Professor & Extension Specialist
Clemson University

2. Conflict is a natural part of life
Conflict is a natural part of life. It is a normal outcome of human interaction.
Yet most of us have negative associations with conflict.
We tend to think of conflict in terms of anger, hostility, violence, stress, and fear

3. Individuals react to conflict in a variety of ways based on their prior experiences.
Research indicates that conflict can result in a “win-win” situation which benefits all parties involved.

4. These materials are designed to provide the knowledge and skills necessary to cope in a variety of settings.
The activities and content materials are designed to enable participants to improve and strengthen their skills in communication, anger management and interpersonal relationships.

5. NEGATIVE vs. POSITIVE Negative (-) Conflict
Interrupts normal relations
Provokes hurtful, personally harmful effects on the self-concept of the persons involved
Causes resentment and hostility
Makes rational discussion difficult or impossible
Robs the time and energy of everyone
Causes stress and resulting hardships
Causes possible break-up of relationships

6. NEGATIVE vs. POSITIVE Positive (+) Conflict
Helps people understand what others feel is important
Helps define and clarify issues and values
Can lead to a confrontation, which can bring out ideas, issues, and values in a way which clears the air
Can bring a sense of respect to all
Can be the start of defining adjusted or new goals, which are more satisfactory to everyone

7. Common Responses to Conflict
Avoidance – acknowledge a dispute, but move to remain uninvolved.
Acceptance – recognize a conflict, but accept whatever solution emerges or is imposed.
Denial – actively refuse to acknowledge or play a part in resolving a conflict.
Enjoyment – some people benefit from a conflict and agitate or maintain conflict for the fun of it.
Flight – actively remove oneself from a dispute.

8. Common Responses Ignoring – act as if a dispute did not exist.
Management – acknowledge a dispute, and act to control its impact. May or may not address any of the stated or underlying issues.
Promotion – parties with a serious grievance and little power may feel they need to agitate to get their problems heard.
Suppression – powerful parties may use their influence to deny a problem and prevent a grievance from surfacing.

9. Conflict Styles

10. Styles of Conflict Resolution
Forcing, Competing (SHARK)
Use of power
Crisis that needs immediate decision; on way right beyond doubt and stakes are very high; goal is very important but relationships are not.

11. Styles of Conflict Resolution
Collaborating (OWL)
Groups problem-solve together; bring up all relevant info; all parties recognize the abilities and expertise of the others; issue explored from all angles.
When commitment is necessary from both sides; when time is not critical; when expertise is needed from both sides; when goal and relationships are highly important.

12. Styles of Conflict Resolution
Compromising, Negotiation (FOX)
Bargaining; meeting each other half way
No hope of achieving mutually satisfactory result; necessary to forestall a win-lose situation; resources are limited; goal and relationship are of moderate importance.

13. Styles of Conflict Resolution
Withdrawal, Avoiding (TURTLE)
Attempting to get rid of conflict by denying it exists
Issue not worth fighting over; issue too hot to handle; both sides prefer to avoid issue; relationships not that important.

14. Styles of Conflict Resolution
Smoothing, Accommodating (TEDDY BEAR)
Giving in and giving all
Issue is not important to either side; when future favor in return is desired; no-win situation that doesn’t warrant a lot of energy; relationships are very important; goal not of importance.

15. Communication Blockers
Interrupting – Good communication is not possible when people are cut off before they have finished speaking. It is important that everyone tells their side.
Ignoring – Forms of ignoring can be not paying attention, monopolizing the conversation, focusing on one’s agenda brushing off what someone is saying.
Sarcasm – Sarcasm is a real communication killer. It poisons the atmosphere.

16. Communication Blockers
Accusing – Accusations are counter productive. The accused party usually becomes angry and defensive.
Insulting/Name-Calling/Threatening – Aggressive attacks raise hostility and increase the chances for violence.
Globalizing – Globalizing attaches negative labels to people. Global statements are hardly ever accurate, and they make people angry and defensive.

17. Communication Blockers
Judging – Judging occurs when someone assumes the right to decide if others are right or wrong, good or bad.
Blaming – Blamers assume that if there is a problem, somebody must be to blame.
Stating Opinion as Fact – It can be infuriating to hear someone state an
opinion as if it were the absolute truth.
Expecting Mind-Reading – People assume that their thought and feelings are visible to others.

18. Keys to Understanding Anger
Anger is an emotion.
Anger is good, it’s healthy, it’s normal.
Anger can protect and motivate us.
Bottled up anger can become explosive, depressive and bad for your health.
Violence or abuse is behavior. It can be learned and unlearned.
Violence has many forms - verbal, sexual, emotional or to property.
We need to know what we want and how to ask for it.
Other people’s anger is their problem.

19. Good self esteem means we have less need for anger.
TIME OUT is for everyone’s safety. It stops abuse but does not solve the initial problem.
Safe expression of anger is healthy.
Stating what makes us angry is healthy.
We need to learn to use words that express our anger constructively.
Learning what triggers our anger makes it easier to control.
Owning our feelings is healthy and reduces conflict.

20. Behind anger there are feelings of hurt or fear of powerlessness.
We need to remember that we do not always get what we want.
Good listening helps reduce anger and increases self-esteem.
Children learn how to behave from adult models. They learn more from what adults DO than what they SAY.
Other people’s abuse does not have to be accepted.

21. Treat anger as a normal part of life.
Use anger as a signal that there are problems to be addressed.
Take actions when necessary, but only after you have carefully thought through the situation.
Express your anger in moderation, without losing control.
Use anger to solve problems, not just to express their feelings.
State your anger clearly, so that others can respond appropriately to your wants and needs.
Solve the problem and let go of your anger.

22. TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ANGER
TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
If you cannot find the right words to describe what you are going through, find a trusted friend to help you one-on-one.
EXPRESS YOURSELF CALMLY
Express disappointment, displeasure or hurt feelings without losing your temper or fighting.

23. LISTEN TO OTHERS
Listen carefully and respond without getting upset when someone gives you negative feedback. Try to see the other person’s point of view.
NEGOTIATE
Work out your problems with someone else by looking at alternative solutions and compromises.

24. SUMMARY
After you decide on a solution, try it out. If it does not work to everybody’s satisfaction, try again.
Keep going until you find an anger management or conflict resolution plan that works.
Keep working until you reach a “Win-Win” solution.