Love, partner choice and culture Prof Robin Goodwin Social Sciences and Law Brunel University

What are the top 6 things you are looking for in a boy (girl) friend (casual partner)?

What are the top 6 things you are looking for in a husband (wife)?

Who we choose (partner preferences) An old topic: at least 60 years of questions Western research: ‘abstract qualities’ (honesty, kindness) More traditional, rural communities in collective societies: pragmatic qualities (money, family connections, religion) Of course, choice is often non-existent, or limited.

But it does depend… Partly on type of relationship (boyfriend, husband). Hofstede (1996) in 8 Asian cities –Boyfriends with humour –Husbands with status, and wealth This particularly the case in masculine countries (sex-role orientated) e.g. Japan rather than Thailand.

Migrant populations In the UK considerable variation amongst ethnic groups in –Opportunities for mixed sex contact –Who is allowed to date at all –Choice of boyfriends (if any) –Timing of marriage –Pre-marital meetings (if any) –Marital choice (religion/ caste/ family connections) Asian parents maybe more protective towards daughters and who they meet

Migrant relations (2) Often this expressed in individualistic terms: less the ‘union of families’ as the finding of a ‘suitable’ ‘like-minded’ partner.

We get evidence from personal ads Education and income frequently mentioned in more collectivist societies GSOH etc in Western societies But sex dependent: not good for a Chinese woman to be too educated (Honig & Herschatter, 1988): she should be beautiful, with poise, and good household manager.

Being beautiful helps… An old notion: “what is beautiful is good” (Dion et al, 1972) But depends on the judgement made (Eagly, 1991, Feingold, 1992): we don’t necessarily think beauty = modesty Stereotyping on beauty might depend on culturally important beliefs (e.g. integrity maybe ~ beauty in collectivist countries)

On Love: Contrasting cultures Burgess & Wallin (1953): “The expected, approved, and sanctioned precondition to marriage in American society is falling in love. According to our mores, love is the only right basis for marriage” Hsu (1981): “An American asks ‘how does my heart feel?’ A Chinese asks ‘What will other people say?’

In reality… Love is probably important everywhere (Jankowiak & Fischer, 1992). Just because authorities oppose it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen! But may be a fairly recent phenomenon: love and marriage only really together in Western literature for last 300 years.

Expression of love depends on culture Not much at all A great deal Taliban Hollywood ideal

Love as disruptive Goode (1959): stratification and lineage challenged by effects of love Where extended family is important, love relationships must be kept to minimum Love only sanctioned within certain situations, and then encouraged as ‘social glue’. Love as fusion Individualism seen as damaging as self interests put before those of the community (Beck & Beck- Gernsheim, 1995).

Love as the basis for marriage Love as fission: an exciting emotion that is the logic behind sexual union Passionate and intimate, rather than just commitment Individualism seen as a complement to this: love a retreat from a cruel world, and reflective of true selves (Dion & Dion, 1993). Although self-choice, emotion not necessarily longer-lasting or more intense.

But the story often complicated Work in African and West Indian societies on love scales (e.g. Stones, 1986; Payne & Vandewiele, 1987) shows importance of traditional beliefs, local conditions (e.g. employment). Chinese societies love often seen as sad. Holding hands in public traditionally scorned. Yuan-fen scores similar in Chinese and British students (Goodwin & Findlay, 1997): reflects Hollywood? In traditional Indian literature, infatuation and romantic love reported, but not necessarily relevant to marriage

Discuss… 1.If a boy (girl) had the qualities you desired, would you marry this person if you were not in love with him (her)?If a boy (girl) had the qualities you desired, would you marry this person if you were not in love with him (her)? 2.If love has disappeared from a marriage, is it best for a couple to make a clean break and start new lives?If love has disappeared from a marriage, is it best for a couple to make a clean break and start new lives? 3.Is the disappearance of love a sufficient reasons for ending a marriage?Is the disappearance of love a sufficient reasons for ending a marriage?

Some answers showing love as important: Levine et al (1995) Question 1 Question 2 Question 3

Love styles (Lee, 1973) Eros (romantic, passionate) Ludus (game playing) Storge (friendship) Mania (obsessive) Pragma (logical) Agape (altruistic) Discuss: Which are men? Older people?

Cultural differences in love styles UK/US studentsAsian students Eros  X Ludus StorgeX  ManiaX  PragmaX  Agape Hendrick & Hendrick (1986); Dion & Dion (1993); Goodwin & Findlay (1997)

Attachment styles (and other individual-level variables) Maybe more important than culture? (Doherty et al, 1994) Anxiety-ambivalent high: highly passionate love Secure styles: less passionate, but comfortable and companionate. Avoidant styles: less passion, and less commitment. Pretty sad, generally.

But social change is happening, fast! Rapid industrialisation in India, China changing communities and limiting ability of parents/ family to ‘control’ partner choice Migration, internet exposure etc opening individuals to new ideas and partner choices (e.g through internet dating) At same time, resistance: Traditional values being reinforced in some parts of world, largely through religious influence. New adaptive strategies developed (e.g. Gujarati partner choice in Leicester)