1. Theories of Attraction and Mate Selection

2. Review
Natural selection Theory
Homogamy Theory
Ideal Mate Theory

3. Attraction as an exchange
Having qualities that suggest a person is an ideal mate may not necessarily mean they are are attracted to one another
Exchange theory suggests people are attracted to reality and not the ideal.
“What do they see in each other”
Resources, wealth, social status, interests all factor into the mystique of “attraction”

4. Older man, younger woman

5. May-December exchange?
Canada (2 years)
Iran (5 years)
Younger women more sexually desirable
Older men have access to more resources
Feminist/Conflict theorists suggest that matches between older men and younger women are necessary for men to retain dominant status in patriarchal marriage (Burggraf, 1997).

6. Review What is love? Sternberg:
Passion
Intimacy
Commitment
Life course approach – full intimacy cannot be reached until identity crisis is resolved
Women vs Men and identity
Erikson – Men more likely to maintain independence whereas women define their identity in romantic relationships (Kimmel, 1990)

7. Science of Love Love = amphetamines
Heightened sensations including feeling flushed, increased heart rate
Liebowitz coined this feeling as limerance
Similar to fear (i.e. anxiety over losing loved one)
Amphetamines replaced by more stable oxytocin after a few years
Passion draws people together but intimacy helps them maintain their relationship

8. The science of attraction
dawn-maslar

9. Attributes of Romantic Love
Desire for physical and emotional closeness
Idealization of love object
Emotional dependency
Desire for exclusivity
Reordering of motivational priorities
Intrusive thinking
Concern for their beloved

10. Courtship

11. Arranged marriage “too important a decision to be left to the young”
Arranged marriage – includes several practices in which marriage is not left to young people alone but requires some participation or control by extended families (Ariss, 2007)
Seen as a union of families in collectivist societies
Part of a sacred duty of parents
Divorce rate is lower in arranged marriages
Expectation that love will develop after marriage

12. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEZjE3YDvVI&noht ml5=False

13. Courtship
Young me would leave calling card; women would receive chaperoned visits
1920s – men would ask women on “group dates” and pay for the activity
1930s – “going steady”
By 1960s dating there was less awareness or inclination to view dating as a way of seeking potential marriage partners

14. Dating market? Murstein’s market experience perspective
Filter theory review
Intended to repress sexual passion until a couple knew each other well enough to enter an intimate relationship
Script theory- public and well defined social and cultural script for dating that individuals learn

15. 21st century mate selection
Cohabitation a trial marriage?
“being with” or “seeing” someone implies non-exclusivity
“hooking up” – sexual activity apart from courtship process
Cohabitation as an alternative to marriage
Electronic resources replacing traditional ads and formal matchmakers (Bielski, 2009)

16. How to achieve Dating success

17. Things to consider…. Should you marry your first love?
Let’s talk about sex
Show me the money
Murstein says no… need to test the market first
Test driving sexual partners as a part of the marriage package
Dating provides an opportunity to show resources.

18. Murstein, schmurstein
Martin King Whyte tested the hypothesis that dating experience leads to successful marriage by interviewing dating couples in Detroit
Cannot “test drive” potential partners
You need to decide “yes” or “no” to one partner at a time”
Marriages slightly less successful with more dating experience might suggest that extensive dating increases an individual’s expectations (Whyte, 2001)

19. Cohabitation 30% of cohabiting couples do not marry
Cohabiting women in Canada twice as likely to divorce (Ambert, 2005)
Do not commit to the relationship because they do not pool their resources

20. It’s love! Duh!!!!
Dating and cohabiting are not indicators of marital success
Getting to know someone to determine degree of compatibility leads in increase in sexual expression but this may happen before development of intimacy (Wilson, 2001)
Happiest couples are those who remember being deeply in love when married are most successful regardless of dating experience.