According to Floyd (2009), “Our choices almost always have an effect on our relationships,” (p.395). Therefore, it is important to learn, and practice effective conflict management strategies.

“An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals” (Hocker, Wilmot, 236). Conflict occurs between interdependent parties which may include family members, peers, or coworkers. There are many different strategies to handling conflict; however, not all of them are wise strategies. The conflict management strategy you choose to apply will have an effect on your relationships with others. “There are almost as many ways to handle conflict as there are things to disagree about;” however, not all of these strategies are productive (Floyd, 395).

 Conflict does not damage relationships, poor management of conflict does.  “Conventional wisdom might suggest that couples who fight frequently are most likely to split up. In fact, Gottman’s research has found otherwise. According to Gottman, How couples argue, and not how frequently they argue, predicts their chances for staying together,” (Floyd, 395).  Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are poor conflict management strategies, which are often warning signs for separation or divorce, (Floyd, 395).

StrategyDescriptionConcern for Self Concern for Others Competing Your goal is to win the conflict, and only one team can win. "Competition becomes problematic when it starts leading to feelings of resentment or desires to get even with the other person" (Floyd, 398). highlow Avoiding Avoiding a conflict, may be considered as running from the conflict. People who employ the avoiding strategy of conflict manage meant simply do not get involved in a conflict (“Choosing a Conflict Management Style, 2010). Adopting this strategy means “ignoring the conflict and hoping it will go away on its own” (Floyd, 399). low Accommodating When accommodating, you “allow the other party to satisfy their concerns while neglecting your own” (Harvard). This strategy could work well in the short term, however, in the long run, “continually accommodating the other party can cause resentment (Floyd, 399). highlow

Ineffective Effective  Criticism › Complaints about each other.  Contempt › Insulting and attacking each other's self-worth  Defensiveness › Seeing yourself as a victim and denying responsibility for your behaviors  Stonewalling › Withdrawing from conversation, shutting down.  Be willing to communicate › Don’t put up a stone wall, share your feelings respectfully.  Respect yourself › You, too, have responsibilities in the conflict.  Respect your partner › You’re not always a victim.  Practice humility › Do not insult or attack each other’s self-worth. (Floyd, ), (“To Love and Honor,2005”)

 Empathy is, “the ability to be ‘other-oriented’ and understand other people’s thoughts and feelings” (Floyd, 31).  This is important in conflict because it requires you to think about a situation from the other parties perspective.  Listen empathetically › Listen without judgment. Let the other party speak before interrupting, or judging. › Acknowledge the feelings the other party may have, and allow them to express the way they feel. › Communicate support nonverbally to convey your interest, understanding, and empathy to the other party.  Being empathetic in a conflict will help you to understand, and show your understanding of the other parties conflict. This will likely help to collaborate on a decision.

StrategyDescriptionConcern for Self Concern for Others Compromising Both parties give up something, and find a middle ground which they both agree upon. When someone is applying the strategy of compromising, they believe that “conflict is mutual difference best resolved by cooperation and compromise. If each comes halfway, progress can be made by the democratic process” (“Ways to Approach Conflict,” 2000). moderate Collaborating The goal is to arrive at a conclusion that maximizes both parties’ gains (Floyd, 400). Collaboration involves “cooperation with the other party to understand their concerns in an effort to find a mutually satisfying solution” (Corkindale). high

 Concern for self › Focus on self, less empathy  Concern for others › More empathy  “When concern for self and concern for other are juxtaposed, they give rise to five strategies for engaging in conflict: competing, avoiding, accommodating, collaborating, and compromising” (Floyd, 397). Image (Floyd, 397).

 There are many different strategies to handling conflict; however, not all of them are wise strategies. According to Floyd (2009), “Our choices almost always have an effect on our relationships,” (p.395). Therefore, it is important to learn, and practice effective conflict management strategies. The conflict management strategy you chose to apply will have an effect on your relationships with others. Conflict does not damage relationships, poor management of conflict does.

Adult Personal Conflict Styles. (n.d.). Retrieved April 01, 2010, from Choosing a Conflict Management Style. (n.d.). Retrieved April 01, 2010, from Floyd, K. (2009). Interpersonal communication: the whole story. Boston: McGraw- Hill Higher Education. How to Manage Conflict - Gill Corkindale - Harvard Business Review. (n.d.). Retrieved April 01, 2010, from To Love and to Honor with Dr. Terry Hargrave.Ph.D. (n.d.). Retrieved April 01, 2010, from Wilmot, W. W., & Hocker, J. L. (2007). Interpersonal conflict. Boston: McGraw-Hill.