1. Basics of Conflict Management CRETE Day 2 Training Tricia S. Jones, Ph
Basics of Conflict Management CRETE Day 2 Training Tricia S. Jones, Ph.D., Dept. of Psychological Studies in Education

2. Critical Tools for Constructive Classrooms
Understanding Needs Based Conflict
Positive Discipline
Conflict Styles
Collaborative Negotiation

3. Basic Needs
Love and Belonging
Power
Freedom
Fun
Safety

4. Appropriate and Inappropriate Methods
Kids have appropriate and inappropriate ways to get their needs met.
Around the room are flip charts with the needs listed.
Grab a marker and write on the charts both appropriate and inappropriate things you see kids do to meet this need.

5. Discipline Versus Punishment
Immediate response
Stops a behavior
Demeaning, humiliating, physically painful, or about exerting adult power/control/authority
No long-term, positive effect
DISCIPLINE
Immediate or no response
Stops or ignores the behavior
Respects the importance of the relationship with the child
Teaches or reinforces skills that have a long-term, positive effect

6. Tools for Positive Discipline
Use Firm limits Language
Use Encouraging Messages
Develop Logical Consequences
Related
Reasonable
Consistent
Use Responsibility Planning

7. Dealing with the Angry Child
Understand the “Desperation Cycle”
Follow Guidelines for Deescalating
Remember “Aftermath” is important

8. Desperation Cycle
Child is unable to communicate and becomes more desperate
Child acts out feelings through behavior instead of words
Child feels shame, anger or guilt, leading to more desperation
Adult gets emotional and may react in counterproductive ways
Implementing punishment increases guilt or resentment, increasing child’s desperation

9. Breaking the Desperation Cycle
1. Make it private! Remove other people.
2. Distract them (music, food, drink)
3. Help child communicate feelings – ask
4. Use active listening skills (SOLER, APQA) to LISTEN
silence is your friend
5. Respect child’s need for space
6. Maintain calm demeanor

10. The Nature of Conflict
Conflict is “a disagreement between two or more people who have differences in goals or methods for dealing with a situation”
Normal
Natural
Necessary

11. Functional and Dysfunctional Conflict
Functional (helpful or constructive)
Open
Honest
Calm
Focused
Flexible
Energizing
Creative
Dysfunctional (not helpful or destructive)
Closed
Deceitful
Tense
Proliferation
Rigid
Draining
Stupifying

12. Conflict Styles
Conflict styles are the predominant ways that people deal with conflict.
Most people rely on one or two styles that are often defined by emphasis on concern for the self or concern for the other.
The goal of an effective conflict manager is to be able to use any conflict style when the situation demands.

13. Conflict Styles Five Styles of Conflict Competing Collaborating
Concern
for Self
Compromising
Accommodating
Avoiding
Concern for Other

14. Thomas and Kilmann’s styles
Avoiding: Avoidance can be either physical and/or psychological
Accommodating: meeting the needs of the other person but ignoring your own needs.

15. Thomas and Kilmann’s styles
Competing: a win-lose orientation in which you try to maximize your gains
Compromising: “Split the Difference”
Collaborating: Problem-solving style in which the parties work together against the problem.

16. When Each Style is the Best
Avoiding
When the issue is trivial to you
When there is no long-term relationship
When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance
Competing
When the other will be very competitive
When important others expect you to compete
AND when the stakes are high

17. When Each Style is the Best
Accommodating
When the issue is trivial to you
When harmony in the relationship is all important
When you are the low power party in a serious power imbalance
When you want to build trust in the other by demonstrating a protection of their interests
Compromising
When there are truly finite resources
When there are no means to increase the divisible resources

18. When Each Style is the Best
Collaborating
When the issue is complex and requires creativity
When there is a long-term relationship
When their implementation of the decision is necessary

19. Principled Negotiation
Scholars from the Harvard Negotiation Project have suggested ways of dealing with negotiation from a cooperative and interest-based perspective. They call this approach “principled negotiation” because it rests on four assumptions or principles.

20. Separate the People From the Problem
As you identify the problem, make sure you can distinguish between the issues to be solved and the people involved. Try to:
understand their perceptions
monitor their emotions
communicate effectively

21. Focus on Interests NOT Positions
A position is a tangible outcome that someone argues for. An interest is the reason why that outcome is desired and an underlying concern about the problem.
there are usually multiple interests for any issue
you don’t have to have common interests to find a solution that meets them all
the more you understand your interests and the other party’s interests, the better able you are to find a solution or solutions that will produce mutual and lasting satisfaction.

22. Invent Options for Mutual Gain - Brainstorm
This is a process of creating as many solutions as possible BEFORE you evaluate them to decide which are the best options.
Otherwise, good ideas never have a chance to be suggested and discussed because people are too busy arguing over the first ideas introduced.

23. Find Good Criteria
Choosing a good solution or solutions (remember you can have more than one), depends on making sure that the criteria for solutions are considered legitimate by the parties. The criteria come from
interests already identified by the parties, especially common interests shared by all parties
external rules or policies that must be followed