SECTION 6 LESSON 1 The Effects of Competition and Rivalry Between Family Members and Peers on Self Esteem, Ego Striving, and Mood Under Construction

In many families, each child is compared to their parents and siblings and sometimes extends to peers. These comparisons affect the child’s self esteem, sense of self worth, and, as a result, the child’s mood. When the adolescent begins to join and identify with groups, comparisons between groups are taken in as though they validated or invalidated the teens personal worth, self esteem, and mood. Comparisons generate self monitoring and divert focus from the process of activities to the appearance of the performance, from pleasure in the activity to anxiety over outcomes. Comparisons Made with Parents and Siblings Undermine Self Esteem, Cause Negative Emotions and Moods, and Cause Ego Striving and Flip-Flops

Children Carry the Tendency to Make Comparisons into Adolescence and The Make Comparisons with Peers Causing Ego Striving and Mood Flip-Flops

From Sibling Rivalry to Rivalry with Peers and Between Peer Groups, Teens Incorporate a Comparison Scale that Raises or Lowers Their Self Esteem, Their Feelings About Themselves and Their Mood If a peer group or clique is considered better than mine, then my self esteem is lowered. If my peer group or clique is considered better than some other one, then I am better and my self esteem goes up. This means that the teen’s ego or self esteem is constantly flip-flopping and moods are constantly shifting between depression and elation.

Summary of Rivalry and Competition

1. A SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM BEGINS TO DEVELOP IN ADOLESCENCE CONSISTENT WITHTHE PRIVATE SUPPRESSED SELF 2. TRANSITION TO THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THE PROCESS OF EMOTIONALEMANCIPATION 3. PEER COMPARISONS SHAPE THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER 4. EVENTUALLY THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM CO-DEVELOPS THE CHILD’S SELF IMAGE by Ed Young, Ph.D. THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THE TRANSITION FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADOLESCENCE

o r j c P o e titi n R e a l W o r l d The way the world appears as seen through the lens of the Implicit Others and can not be the way The world is just like my parents. I can not be the way I want to be with my parents I want to be in the adult world. They are the enemy. They are all so stuffy and negative. They see everything as being dangerous, bad, crazy, irresponsible and stupid. But they are the ones that are stupid. But what about those other teenagers over there, my peers? Maybe we can avoid that alien world and find a secret place where we can be ourselves. where I can They are That’s the group be myself. just like me! Now PEER PRESSURE OK.. What do they think of me? Lens of Implicit Other Peer Group or Gang Hey, let’s do our own thing. Let’s have a party and throw off their harness, be free, and have a blast! A SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM BEGINS TO DEVELOP IN ADOLESCENCE CONSISTENT WITH THE PRIVATE SUPPRESSED SELF

P A R E N T S WHICH PEERS, AS SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM, BEGIN TO BECOME THE LENS THROUGH PARENTS ARE NOW SEEN AND JUDGED. I’m taking a step toward emancipation, toward being my own separate individual self, being emotionally independent, using and having confidence in my own judgment, venturing out into the world to establish my own place in the world. Shifting alliance to my Peers is one of the main ways to help me accomplish this. But I still need my parents even while I am separating from them. THE INTERACTION BETWEEN PEER RELATIONSHIPS AND THE CHILD’S EVOLVING SELF SYSTEM TRANSITION TO THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM AND THE PROCESS OF EMOTIONAL EMANCIPATION

Now each peer in the peer group begins to be judged by BOTH Implicit Other Systems. This becomes very confusing and very stressful. P A R E N T S Other implicit Peer Implicit Other Secondary System EVENTUALLY THE SECONDARY IMPLICIT OTHER SYSTEM CO-DEVELOPS THE ADOLESCENT’S SELF IMAGE

Understanding Social Cannibalism of the Early Teen Years and the Life Cycle of Aggression and Picking on People 5. Causes of Social Cannibalism Child becomes a parent and repeats physical punishment, abuse, picking on, suppressing hostile come backs, and attacking behavior that is different. Development of Social Cannibalism Over Time 1. Parent abusively punishes or picks on child for behavior that deviates from family cultural norms. 2. Child picks on smaller child 3. Child picks on child who is different 4. Child grows up and picks on smaller child 5. Child in early teens picks on similar other early teen for minor differences and vulnerabilities. 6. Child as late teen turns on age cohorts who are different.  Escalation of Insecurity when entering new phase of adolescent freedom of mobility and choices. Insecurity is transformed into paranoid suspicion, angry resentment, and invidious comparisons. They cluster is small groups of high similarity and pick on each other.  Being away from parental protection there comes a fear of older, upper classmen and strangers. Fear when cornered turns into explosive rage. Frightened, vulnerable kids in a group convert to aggression.  Physical punishment and abuse, feeling picked on at home, and suppression of hostility results in displacement of anger and resentment onto peers who are different or perceived as engaging in put downs or invidious comparisons.  Desire to make someone else ‘who is not intimidating’ suffer the same way child had to suffer. The initiation turnabout syndrome.  Dormant, incorporated parental modeling of abusive, punitive attacks on behavior that deviates from family cultural norms re-surges from the unconscious spontaneously, welcome or not, when roles are reversed and the child has become a parent.

Insecurity and Loss of Authenticity and Spontaneity In Peer Groups

From a Parent Imposing His/Her Will on a Child to Parents Imposing Their Will on the Community to Professional Experts Imposing Their Will to a Community of Equals Being Empowered and Empowering Their Children