1. Simi Markar, MFT Northgate High School Counselor
TEENS AND STRESS
Simi Markar, MFT
Northgate High School Counselor

2. WHAT CAUSES STRESS FOR TEENS
RELATIONSHIP STRESS
Family conflicts --- Parents fighting, Teens fighting with Parents
Changes in the Family --- divorce, moves, fluctuating schedules, death of a loved one

3. Academics
On- going problems with schoolwork – managing homework, projects, being able to ask for help
Feeling like they can’t keep up.
Issues with time management, overloaded schedules
Learning how to prioritize tasks
Comparing themselves to peers, older siblings, etc
Stress about making it to graduation, college admission

4. Social Issues Strong desire to Fit In with peers and friends.
Want to be accepted
Struggles with self esteem and confidence
Feeling bullied, teased
Developing romantic relationships
Lacking maturity, coping skills

5. Supporting Your Teen Validate and label that feeling
Being available to listen to your teen and provide emotional support
I am sorry you feel that way
I can see you are feeling sad, angry and frustrated . Is there anything else you are feeling? What can I do to help?
Validation allows children to feel its ok to have these feelings that are coming up for them.

6. Feelings and Behaviors
Deal with the behavior (if applicable)
Remember all feelings are accepted but not all behavior. i.e. It is not Ok to yell, hit, etc. Take a break/breather if needed
After validating and labeling address the behavior that accompanied the feeling ( throwing of backpack, snapping at a younger sibling etc)

7. Finding Solutions Together
Problem solving
Once everyone’s emotions are in calm , collaborate to find the solution.
This would be the best time to decide on how to avoid such behavior next time
I noticed you get more upset when you get back from school. Maybe you are feeling hungry. Next time we will talk after you have had your snack)
This is also the step to initiate repairs from parents side .
Repairs allows children to see how mistakes can be dealt with as we get the opportunity to role model for them .

8. Praise and criticism
Teens want to hear that they are doing things right. They respond well to praise and encouragement
Excessive criticism makes teens feel unworthy, not good enough and sometimes leads to depression and feelings of giving up
Praise the accomplishment / point out the behavior.
I.e. “You did such a good job on that project”. “I noticed how much work you put into your English paper”

9. Support through Engagement
Creating a regular routine ---- school, home
Having events to look forward to
Planning time for Fun
Family Dinners --- statistic: Frequent Family Meals are associated with a lower incidence of depressive symptoms and with better grades in children ages years. (Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 2004)
Focus on Positives – Don’t use mealtime as a time to criticize, complain, or argue. Discuss your day, funny stories, etc

10. Q&A Handout --- 12 Tips to Reduce Your Child’s Stress and Anxiety
(adapted from Psychology Today Article, February 2013)
Thank you for coming
Simi Markar, MFT