January 27, 2015  Entry task: Write the question or prompt Describe a time when you were trying to communicate something to another person and they just were not getting it. (Are you an effective communicator?)  Target: Be able to describe three different ways people communicate.

Ms. Kissel

101 THINGS #3

Due Dates  Syllabus due Friday, January 30th!!

Leadership Points  Must have 100 by the end of the semester  50 points at the quarter  Worth 10% of your final grade  Don’t procrastinate!

Face to Face How we form impressions  ________% Appearance (body language)  ________% Tone of voice  ________% Words used

Face to Face How we form impressions  ___55___% Appearance (body language)  ___38___% Tone of voice  ___7____% Words used

Communications  Sharing  information,  ideas,  thoughts,  feelings

As a skill  It is difficult to do well  It can be profitable

Verbal  Key components:  sound,  words,  speaking,  and language.

Non-Verbal  Key components:  Eye contact  Body language – gestures  Space  Touch  Expressions  Breathing

Eye Contact  Looking away gives the impression that you don’t care to listen.  Giving solid eye contact makes the communicator feel like you care.

Body Language  Gesture: A gesture is a form of non-verbal communication, made with a part of the body, used instead of or in combination with verbal communication.  Examples: shaking your finger, putting hands on hips… any others?

Space  Personal space, an updated form of Edward T. Hall's 1966 proxemics, is the region surrounding each person, or that area which a person considers their domain or territory. Often if entered by another being without this being desired, it makes them feel uncomfortable.Edward T. Hallproxemics

Touch  Hand holding  Hug  Universal good touch from teacher to student.

Expressions  What we wear on our face:  Look of death  Anger  Disgust  Fear  Boredom  Confusion

Breathing  Loud sighs signify…

How to Listen Actively  Focus all attention on speaker  Establish eye contact  Attend: lean toward speaker  Nod or use other means of expressing “I’m present and paying attention.”

Four Active Listening Techniques:  Reflective  Clarifying  Encouraging  Empathizing

 Reflectively  Listen for “feelings” that are not stated  Eliminate your judgement.  Rephrase or summarize what the speaker has said to be sure you understand  Clarifying  Ask the speaker, “are you looking for advice or someone to listen?”  Don’t tell speaker what to do! Do not say “well, if it was me…” it isn’t

 Encouraging  Give signals you are really interested and involved. “Uh-huh”, “I understand”, “I see” or “tell me more”  Empathizing  Actually feeling the other person’s feelings as you listen  If sad, the listener feels sad (for the speaker)  If happy, the listener feels happy, etc.

I – messages are used during those difficult times when you must assert yourself and confront someone about his/her unacceptable behavior so that a solution to the problem can be negotiated.

I – MESSAGES allow you to:  Confront people in a positive way.  Be open, honest, and straightforward about a person’s unacceptable behavior.  Avoid putting people on the defensive.  Appeal for help in solving the problem.  Communicate ownership of the problem.

“I” messages  I feel _________ when _________ because _______________.  Freedom to choose to respond without blame.

“I” messages  I feel hurt when __you watch tv instead of talking to me.  Freedom to choose to respond without blame.

“You” messages  Lay the blame on others.

YOU MESSAGES are never well received for several reasons:  They make people feel guilty  They can be interpreted as blame, put downs, criticism and rejections.  They communicate a lack of respect for others.  They often cause reactive or retaliatory behavior.  They damage the recipients self-esteem.  They cause resistance rather the openness to change.  They can make a person fell hurt, the resentful.  They are often perceived as punitive.